Showing Sympathy
Posted by Rachel Balducci in Family on Thursday, March 03, 2011 7:40 PM
Today I ran into an acquaintance I had not seen since last summer. This woman suffered the devastating loss of her teenage son a few months ago and and today was the first I had seen her since that sad time.
“I am so sorry,” I told the woman today, “we have been praying for you.”
She was grateful for the prayers, she told me. And that was about all we said to each other. We don’t really know each other all that well and to make small talk after that seemed rude and silly.
As I walked away, however, I wondered if my comment was appropriate. It seemed unkind not to mention our prayers, or to act like nothing had happened since I last saw her. And yet, I worried that perhaps it was rude to bring up the painful event.
I realized of course that my comment certainly didn’t remind her of anything—she was well aware of this whether I said anything or not. But does mentioning it make things worse?
I have always thought it best to err on the side of love—to say the words instead of stay silent. When my Nana died a few years ago, I appreciated every kind word of sympathy friends and neighbors had to offer—even if it sometimes made me cry. It was nice to know people were praying, that they realized how much it hurt to lose someone you love.
But not too long ago, a friend suffered a miscarriage and she told me it was actually harder when people would offer condolences. She said it would stir up a pot of emotions that she’d have to deal with after each comment.
I don’t know what the right answer is—perhaps it just depends on a whole host of variables. Maybe the closet we can get to a sure bet is to always operate out of love—and pray the Holy Spirit takes care of the rest.
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