Sorry I don;t have an answer, but I can’t wait to hear what other moms have in the way of advice.  I am currently couch-ridden in the horrible state that is the first trimester of pregnancy.  My son knows mommy is out of commission and is taking full advantage if it.  He, however, does not have the toddler excuse; he is five.  HELP!!!

And congrats, Arwen!  It seems like only yesterday you were sharing the incredible news that twins were on the way.  I pray everything goes well for you during the birth, and that my pregnancy goes by as fast!

Oh, I feel for you! I’m anxious to hear what others had to say. When I was in a similar situation, I removed problem items (like toys) and enclosed the living room as a “safe” environment. Then I stopped telling her to not do something if I knew I wasn’t going to follow up by physically going over to her. Other than that, she ran wild. She’s not too terrible, but we’re definitely still dealing with the consequences. Now that her baby brother is finally settling down (at eight months!), we’ll be able to focus a little more on the wild child’s discipline. I hope.

Get that rancher BIL of yours over there to teach you how to tie a lasso, then you can get at him FROM the couch. I think it’s a GREAT idea.

Get that rancher BIL of yours over there to teach you how to tie a lasso, then you can get at him FROM the couch. I think it’s a GREAT idea.

Arwen, I would approach this the same way you imagine you will while your feeding the babies (whether you nurse or bottle feed, your hands will be full). Maybe you can pack up a bag or basket of goodies that you can do with him from the couch, stuff he will really be interested in. I’m thinking special coloring books, special read-alouds, preschool flashcards or decks of cards he can sort through, those little plastic animals, magna doodles. You get the idea. You might also try having your husband stop by the dollar store once a week for new goodies to surprise him with. Then, when you sense he might be getting more active, encourage him to crawl up next to you for special mommy time. I think sometimes this acting out during these phases is a combination of testing boundaries and reacting to all the changes going on. I imagine he misses his fun, active mom a little. So for now, maybe less discipline and more distraction is all you can really manage. And if he will watch tv, use it when you think its necessary and don’t feel bad about it.

When I had this situation wtih a 5 year old, 2 1/2 year old (screamer, chaser, hitter, biter) and a newborn, I too felt at a loss.  The Holy Spirit led me to really focus on my oldest (5 barely) and tell him “run away” when it happened.  That was my only hope that I could eliminate troublesome behaivor by involving the “victim”.  So I told him to run and come see me and it really took some time but the actions have now completely resolved (a year and a half now) and frankly my wild man has grown kind of out of it thanks to alot of “that hurts me” kind of language from the 6 1/2 year old.  See if Camilla can step up pretty bigtime here and get herself out of things instead of you.  Complicated problems have complicated solutions - lots of deep breaths.  I feel like a different person with an 18 month old and have “gotten back on top of” tons of things.

When I was unable to get up during pregnancies,  we had one room we gated.  Before daddy left for work in a.m.,  all the toys, etc.,  would be put in that room for him and picnics (prepared early that morning) were enjoyed on a blanket on the floor…if nec.,  I would rest on the floor outside the gate but since I was so near to him (toddler) it became a game we both enjoyed!  Getting up and down from the mattress or air mattress was a bit challenging,  but,  not really too difficult. ( your hubby could also move a recliner there in place of the mattress).....God bless you, dear one!  I made it as I am now 74 and 10 children later,  thanks be to God!

When I was put on bedrest at 15 weeks’ gestation with my second child, my first child was not yet walking or crawling. Because he had been extremely premature and I was a high-risk mom, my bedrest was strict: bathroom/shower/doctor’s appointments, period. In my case, I felt that the stakes were so high for my daughter that I completely relinquished responsibility for my son’s hands-on care. My mother stayed at my house 3 weeks out of the month. Someone else from my family would come to stay on the week each month when she needed to return home, and many friends and parishioners helped out as well. My own feeling was that anything other than carrying my daughter to term could be done by somebody else (although I found it very hard to accept all that help and to let go of doing my own laundry!) No one else can carry your babies to term for you. I will be keeping you in prayer for a safe term delivery of healthy twins!

So difficult, isn’t it?

As mentally exhausting as it sounds, you really do have to think/be about 40 steps ahead of a 2yo boy (In addition to my 2 girls, I’ve had 4 two-yr-old boys, so I know!). The suggestions about having a basket full of “goodies” to keep him occupied and re-direct his “exuberance” is key. While you can’t allow him to smack his sister, you can cut yourself some slack and use my favorite in these situations: BRIBERY! Or, “positive reinforcement”... lol

Every time he completes a game/task that he enjoys, give him a hug and a small (teeny!) treat. Start things off by saying (BEFORE he gets out of control), “Blaise, as soon as you give your sister a hug/make a snake out of play-doh/drive all those cars around the rug, I have a little treat for you!”. It’s key to phrase it, “As soon as you do this, you can do this”, instead of “If you do this, you’ll get this” or “I won’t give you a treat UNLESS you stop that!”. The phrasing tells him that you expect him to do something and THEN he will get something he likes.

This is also a great time to utilize 1 fave movie/dvd/tv program during his craziest times. And, getting stories on DVD from the library is also a useful tool.

1 foolproof thing that worked with my wildest and most willful toddlers was the singing trick: He would be in the middle of the biggest tantrum ever and I would sit very quietly next to him. Slowly and quietly, I would start singing him one of his favorite songs, getting louder the quieter and calmer he became. Kind of “music tames the beast” theory, I guess. lol

You’ll get through this!

Bedrest poses a special challenge for families trying to maintain normal discipline and routine while getting as close to full term as possible. I was on bedrest twice, once with only one strong-willed toddler, and once with four young children. The difficulty of protecting baby while directing the household can add more stress - and more contractions.

First order of business is for you to decide what is absolutely necessary to address. If you don’t say anything when Blaise hits his sister, will she eventually deal with it on her own?  I don’t mean to sound harsh, but maybe Camilla will get tired of it and let Blasie know what her own boundaries are.
Second, GET HELP!  Is there anyone at church who can help you out with the kids for a few hours each day? A homeschooled teen that could use volunteer hours? 
Third, Cecelia’s idea of having a plan of action before Dad leaves for work sounds great: gates, food packed in a cooler, lots of games/crafts to do with mommy.  Consider this an opportunity to spend lots of time reading and playing games that you won’t have later.
Fourth, don’t be too concerned about letting bad habits form.  Deal with what you can calmly address now and know that once that wee one is born, you’ll have time to “return to center” as I used to say.
It seems like forever, but this is only a brief period in your parenting.  If you let up on the discipline a bit in favor of delivering a full term baby, you can play catch up later.  I am quite convinced that I’ll hear some backlash for that last comment!    Keep in mind that bedrest is really hard for little people to deal with,too, and his behavior might escalate if your reaction to it increases.

OK so why is a Dad replying?  Well because I have an on-again, off-again disability and two toddlers to discipline, which means I have the same problem you have. 

Here is how I fixed this:  I have trained my kids to GIVE THEMSELVES a time out.  In better days, I have shown them over and over that, if they are bad, they need to go and sit on the chair in another room.  They know that I don’t kid around.  They know that if they do not go and do it, then I will pick them up and put them there. 

I’ve done this so many times, that now all I need to say is.  “Hey!  Kid 1, go give yourself a time out.”  The cool thing:  Kid 1, bows her eyes, sniffs, and goes and runs to that chair and jumps in it.  When the 2 or three minutes is up, then I call and say, “OK Kid 1, come in here and stand in front of me.”  At that point, Kid 1 runs in chastened and calm, we have the discussion on what was done wrong, and the apology and forgiveness thing. 

My friends and family can’t believe it when they see it.  Their mouths sort of hang open.

What is totally super cool, is that this technique even works when I am on the couch and I can’t even walk!  The downside is that this does take a LOT of consistent training in advance.  You can’t ever - even once - not follow through, or THEY WILL KNOW you are weak and take advantage.

Since you are in “your condition” already, all I can suggest is to have your iPhone or laptop nearby.  Find a web site that produces various tones.  There are tones that your kids can hear but you can not.  Turn the volume all the way up and blast one of those high pitched tones until they quit.  There are some that are REALLY irritating, but don’t hurt the children in any way.

Unless of course…you own a dog whistle…or a lion training whip   (kidding)

P.S. You should have more Dad’s perspective on your site and magazine - we are part of “family” too! 

God bless.

Although the water gun is tempting…:-)

Kim, I LOVE the Smartie idea!  My son, who is the “issue”, is our family sweet tooth (second to his mother, of course).  I do believe this could work, and am having my husband bring my morning, noon and night sickness self to the store to buy some Smarties.  THANK YOU!!!

Don’t feel too bad about the water gun- my mom used to wish for a bb gun when my brothers and I ignored her while she was immobile.  She never did it, but wished…

As the sun starts to shine, it would also be helpful to get dad or a friend outside with your boy being super active for an hour or two a day.  Movies and quiet play work much better when he is not bouncing off the walls.

Although I’ve never been on bedrest during my pregnancies, I do suffer from Multiple Sclerosis which leaves me needing to make some modifications to our normal routine.  There have been days…even weeks…where I haven’t been able to get up and chase the boys down to redirect or solve an issue.  So I kinda get what you’re going through.

Here’s what I’ve done to parent from the couch.  Positive reinforcement is key.  It’s going to be hard to correct anything without Blaise getting something good out of it.  What I did…  First I had a piece of paper with a little hand made chart on it.  Everytime J would come over to me at the couch when I called, he got a sticker.  X amount of stickers = small treat (we used those tiny candy bars that are about one bite worth, but I love the idea of Smarties!)  When he would follow directions like putting something away or bringing something to mommy, he would get a different kind of sticker on Chart #2 which was on the other side of the paper.  When he had X number on that chart, he’d get a bigger item such as a new box of crayons ($.28 on sale at back-to-school time!) or an extra book at bedtime for a week or even something that he’d get to help pick out.  This works surprisingly fast.  I loved the idea of 2 separate charts to reward two different kinds of good behavior.  It’s soooo important to me that they come over to me when I call.  That way I know they’re listening to me and there’s no excuse for a continuation of whatever they need to stop doing.  And the act of coming over to talk to me usually has been enough to solve many problems.  In the past few years, my oldest (who’s now 5) has even learned how to help mommy out during the tough times…empty the drier one armful at a time and bringing to mommy to fold, getting his own snacks and drinks (which we keep in a special place in the kitchen where he can reach…but it started out as snacks kept in an area next to mommy until he was 3), taking folded clothes to appropriate rooms, getting phone, remote, drink, etc for mommy, as well as many, many other little jobs that really add up to those of us stranded on the couch.  My boy #2, who is now 16 months, is even learning this.  He doesn’t have a chart yet, but he’s rewarded with the silly smoochy kisses on his cheeks and neck that he adores as well as his favorite snack, pretzles.

The main project…get him to come over to you every time you call, exactly when you call.  Once you have that, you can get everything.  Use whatever currency appeals to him most.  For our oldest it’s the occasional sweets and special time with mommy or daddy.  For our youngest it’s smooches and pretzles.

Keep us posted.  Our family is praying for you, the twins, and the rest of your family!

SOME CHILDREN ESPECIALLY BOYS ARE VERY MISCHIEVIOUS.THE BOYS LOVE TO FIGHT. MY 2 AND A HALF YEAR OLD BOY WANTS EVERYTHING HIS 6 YEAR OLD BROTHER TAKES. iT IS DIFFICULT TO MANAGE, BUT IT IS JUST FUN, SHOUTING AND DIPLOMACY.  WE SHALL PRAY FOR ALL SMOOTHNESS IN HEALTH AND HAPPINESS OF YOUR FAMILY. jOYFUL DAYS ARE AHEAD.