I just watched the Born Alive video…wow!  Here is somethiong sent to me that I thought was worth sharing:

Would you respect life in the following situations?
A preacher and his wife are very poor. They already have fourteen kids. Now she finds out she is pregnant with the 15th child. They are living in severe poverty.
The father is ailing, the mother has tuberculosis. The eldest child is blind, the second died, the third is deaf and youngest also has TB. The mother learns shes pregnant again.
A white man raped a 13 year-old black girl and now she’s pregnant.
Another teenage girl is pregnant. Shes not married. Her fiance is not the father of the baby, and he’s very upset.
Did you think ending an innocent life was the best solution under any of these circumstances? In the first case, you have just killed John Wesley before he could become the famed evangelist from England . In the second case, you aborted Beethoven and deprived the world of some of our greatest musical compositions. In the third case, you gave up on Ethel Waters, the renowned black gospel singer.
In the fourth case, the teenage girl is the Blessed Virgin Mary, and you have just declared the murder of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Author Unknown

Good morning!  I was just wondering how you all handle this situation:  When you are invited by friends or neighbors to jewelry/basket/tupperware parties, etc. and you really can’t afford to spend any money - what do you do?  Do you decline the invitation or go to the party & just buy something small to help your friend?

Peace

I recently went to a Pampered Chef Party.  I wound up getting sick from the food and am still waiting for my items quite a few weeks later. I only spent $12, but for me it was really not worth it.  However, if you are quite friendly with the person who is having the party and tell her upfront you aren’t spending money, (and you get a good reaction) go and have a good time!I have gone to other parties such as Tupperware and not spent a dime.

Yogourmet tips:  This is silly and hopfully not too whiney, but heating up the milk for my yogourmet machine is a pain. I make my own double broiler out of two pans. It takes forever to heat up, skin keeps forming on the top, and the bottom of the pain needs soaking and scrubbing afterwards. Do I just need to invest in a double broiler?  I’d love to hear any other great yogurt tips. Thanks!

Joan, with acquantance-type friends I’d decline, but since it’s a closer friend, I’d just be upfront. I’m sure her reaction will be one of understanding.

Lauri,  I used to go to a few parties when we were first married and didn’t have babies yet…but I always ended up spending too much $$ on stuff that we didn’t need in the name of “helping” my friend (or sil)...after maybe 4 of these parties, I made it a “rule” that I don’t attend.  Mind you, I did upset one of my sil’s VERY much b/c she was a Tupperware dealer for awhile but I never, ever waivered on my rule & haven’t attended any since.  If I need an item, I know I can find it online or ask around & find someone I know who’s selling or knows someone who’s selling.  Once people know you won’t/don’t go, they stop inviting you…and I’m a-okay w/that.  ; )  Good luck & God bless!!!

I have personally passed on many Pampered chef, Basket, Tupperware , and purse parties because of either lack of money to buy products or lack of need / want for these overpriced items. The whole purpose of these parties is to have the guests buy things so that the Hostess can earn prizes, so If I can’t afford to or don’t want to buy anything,I might as well not take up the space that a buying customer could have.
I have handled this by RSVPing and honestly telling the hostess that I just couldn’t afford it or really didn’t need anything. If the hostess was a close friend, I would extend an invitation for coffee and desert when we could catch up with no pressure to buy anything.

Years ago I sold Tupperware for a short time. Though my main goal was the discount on the things that I needed, I had a few parties . I remember one where the hostess had her eye on a really nice Hostess gift that she needed to sell five hundred dollars to earn. The woman called me with her final guest count of thirty some women. I remember how happy that the hostess was, thinking that she would have no problem reaching her sales goal. The night of the show came and almost forty women were in attendance , however at the end of the night over half of the women walked out without ordering anything. The hostess was embarrassed and apologized to me many times, which was not necessary, though I was cautious after that of giving away so many nicer pieces of Tupperware to large crowds. What was really funny was that the two women who earned the biggest prizes(  valued at $50 and $35), were two who didn’t order
I guess that ,in my opinion,the bottom line is that you wouldn’t go to a wedding , shower,or Birthday party without a gift so I feel the same about going to one of these shows without the intention of ordering .

With these uncertain economic times, several friends and family members have gone to selling Mary Kay, Tupperware, Body Shop etc to supplement their income. I don’t attend parties, because it seems like everyone is having one. I only order something if I need it and can get good discount. I understand that many people need the extra money but I think the people throwing the parties should be aware that there is not the disposable income there was even a month ago. If someone gets upset with me for not attending or buying…I personally reconsider the friendship. In the case of people being upset, almost always it is someone who is more of an acquaintance not a close friend or family member, although there can be exceptions.

I have a question for all those mamas out there. When do you tell people you are expecting? Are you one who announces it when you see the second line or more conservative and wait until 12 weeks or beyond? Or do you tell close family and then wait to let friends know? A co-worker recently had announced to everyone she was pregnant at the time she tested (about 5 weeks) and unfortunately she miscarried a couple of weeks later. This was her second child who she had been trying to conceive for over a year. Having suffered a miscarriage my heart went out to her. While most of us at work knew she chose not to tell her family she had miscarried and when her grandmother called her to ask how she was feeling she was very upset and told her grandmother how dare you call me and ask that. This was a cell phone exchange in the public breakroom that myself and several other co-workers witnessed. I have to say, I know that people can be insensitive without intention after a miscarriage, but she didn’t bother to tell her family after she had announced the pregnancy to them so I have to think her grandmother was innocent in her call. It just made me wonder how others deal with the announcement and if there is a subsequent loss communicating that as well.

Good morning all.
I wonder if any of you can help me out. I am hosting my Parish’s fellowship group for thirty and forty year old’s at the beginning of December. I have already planned several finger foods and snacks of all types ,( BBQ wings, mini pepperoni rolls,chips w/ salsa, assorted cheese chunks,veggies w/ dip, assorted cookies)  but , in addition to Coke products and coffee,the previous hosts have all offered wine. They usually have two or three choices,a red, a white, and something different. I do not usually drink anything stronger than Diet Coke and don’t know much about wine at all. Any suggestions on a red ? a white? Something unique? Also any other snack / finger food ideas ?( after I typed my list It doesn’t look like as much as I thought)
Thanks
Diane

Lauri - I just decline the invitation.

Kristen - We wait til after the first trimester excepting our mothers and a few close friends. Having had two miscarriages, it is simpler. However, the advantage to telling people earlier, esp. if you have had a previous miscarriage, is having their prayers. I truly believe it made a difference in my fourth pregnancy.

Hi Ladies,
I am wondering if anyone else has gotten in the habit of letting a preschooler watch way too much TV and subsequently been able to wean them off of it. My preschooler has a very hard time playing by himself so when his older sibs are in school and it is just him and the baby at home, he wants to watch TV all the time. He likes playdough, puzzles, Duplos, etc. but not if he has to do them himself.  Any advice on how to break this bad habit?

Kristen,
First off I am one who always told the news of my Pregnancy as soon as I found out. My husband and I called close family first and then told friends as we seen them. Family also was always free to pass on the news too. 
Though I never miscarried, My third pregnancy ended with me being induced after an ultrasound revealed no heart beat and facing the fact that my daughter would be still born .I remember coming home from the ultra sound and calling close family, in tears ,and asking them to pass the news on .
I understand this co workers feelings, but she was totally in the wrong.She should have found a way to get the word out to avoid this kind of situation.

Diane,
I think your menu sounds great! How do I join this group. How about doing wine coolers? This way you can have a good variety without lots of waste if it isn’t used. My favorites are berry and margarita flavored.

Diane

I’m not sure how fancy of a wine you would want, but a nice inexpensive one is Little Penguin.  I would suggest a Chardonay for the white, and a Merlot for the red.  I’m not sure about the something different. 

Another idea is to go to your local wine store and tell them what kind of event it is and what you’re looking for.  Also mention your price range.  In my experience this works well and is very helpful!

Also, I have a friend who sells candles.  They are expensive and who really needs candles??  But everyone is welcome at the party with no obligations to buy.  We like to get together and enjoy each other’s company, no presure!  Are you sure you’re not over thinking it?

Diane—Inexpensive and Yummy are the Yellow Tail Wines.  You cannot go wrong with their Shiraz and Chardonnay.

Regarding tupperware, pampered chef etc parties.  I go depending on how much I want to see the host and other guests.  I buy something if I want to and can afford it, or I don’t.  On the rare occasion I’ve hosted a party, I communicate to my guests that they are under no obligation to buy anything and that all I want is their company.  Personally, I HATE when my friends start selling this stuff.  I think few women understand that the the way to make serious money in these companies is to recruit others to sell too—most women go in thinking it’s just about selling xyz, when if fact it’s really about being a sales manager/recruiter. That aside, I think it can be fun to “shop” with your girlfriends in someone’s home.

Good Morning!

I have a question that’s been weighing on me for awhile. I have a very large extended family with many nieces and nephews. We’re all very close and have a common bond with our Catholic faith, so for the most part it’s a great blessing to have them around. What I’ve struggled with recently is the expectations of family. With so many brothers, sisters and children around, I am constantly being asked to help out. We all have a “family first” mentality, but it’s getting to the point where I’ve begun to dread family events and phone calls asking for favors. I’m always asked to watch the kids for a couple hours, lend my car for the afternoon, pick kids up from school, or take kids for the evening for a ‘date night.’ Am I being unreasonable getting annoyed with the constant interruption of my own family life? I didn’t grow up in a big family, so I always feel like I’m being selfish when it comes to helping out others.

So ladies, and I incredibly ungrateful for the blessing of my family, or is it appropriate to start asking my brothers and sisters to find childcare, etc., from non-family?

Any suggestions on how to handle a 2 yr old who thinks screaming at the top of his lungs is great fun, especially if he can get his 1 yr old sister to join in?  My eardrums hurt.

Currently we are going through our 3rd miscarriage.  We usually only tell those who we are close to and see on a regular basis. It does make it easier if something happens.  We are able to get support from those we are close to and not have to keep telling people who we do not see on a regular basis.  This also includes our children because they can not keep the secret.

Kristen, with our 1st pregnancy we told everyone right after taking a home pregnancy test.  We had just gotten married a month before and were so excited.  At my first OB appt, there wasn’t a heartbeat—I had miscarried.  Now we wait until the first OB appt when we see the baby’s heartbeat to tell people—around 7-8 weeks.  I know there is a greater chance of miscarriage in the first trimester, but we want people to pray for us, to share in our joy, and in the event of a miscarriage, to comfort us as well.  After the miscarriage I had so many people tell me they had one too, but never told anyone.  I think it’s sad to carry that all by yourself.  Through that experience I learned that it was nothing I did or didn’t do.  I was really grateful for the support and prayers of others.  During our grieving, my husband had words that comforted us both—we were instruments in getting a soul into heaven.  Now our first baby is in heaven praying for us!

I have been blessed only twice with pregnancy and both times we waited til 12 weeks (the magic number) to tell the world in general. Our parents and sibs we told sooner. I am not superstitious at all but I felt that if something did go wrong I would be able to ask for prayers at that time. I am old fashioned, I guess. It seems like jumping the gun to tell the whole world the minute you are a day late (yes I know people who do that.) I guess I feel it is tmi. My husband and I enjoyed having our little secret to ourselves for awhile. But to each her own. It IS nice to hear happy news from anyone

Melanie,
Have you considered requesting an exchange of some kind when family calls for a favor.  For example, if you are asked to watch kids for an evening agreeing only if the parents are able to watch your children another evening?  I have been on both ends of this request & it has always worked out well; sometimes being helpful doesn’t feel like so much of a burden if you know you’ve got a break coming your way also.

Re: Announcing pregnancy
We have 2 little ones here, 1 in Heaven.
In my first pregnancy, everyone found out when I landed in the hospital (I get hyperemesis).
In the second go-around, they found out when I went to the ER (we needed my sister to watch our daughter) in the midst of a miscarriage.
For the third time, we told them almost as soon as we found out, just so that all were prepared for anything and that we had lots of prayer warriors.
I think that the more love, support, knowledge, and prayers you can garner, the better.

to Kristin,  we told everyone as soon as we knew we were pregnant…as a good friend said to me when I asked about “when to tell” - the same people who rejoice with you today will morn with you if there is a problem.

hope t., I’m not sure I can help much since my preschooler watches tv every day. We limit him to one video, though, (no actual tv shoes). I find it’s easier to give in and let him watch a little being very clear that when the show is over it’s time to turn off the tv and move on to other activities. If he’s been watching too much every day, I limit him to a 30 minute video (usually of the Veggie persuasion), otherwise I just try to keep it under an hour each day. (The new Pirate Veggie movie just came out so I have been letting him watch that every day, but in the next few days here we’ll be going back to our regular programming and it will be for “special” days only.)

Melanie,
I have a large extended family too.  In my experience, I’ve had to discern whether it is really helping the situation to constantly bail someone out or if it’s just perpetuating the entitlement mentality (ie: family should help, that’s why I’m living near them).  I’m not saying that family should never help out, but if one member thinks she shouldn’t have to hire a sitter for her children because so & so lives nearby, then that person is taking advantage of the relationship.  If there is no give and take, there is no relationship.  I have a SIL who refuses to leave her children with a sitter because it’s too “expensive”, yet, she doesn’t curtail her outside activities, she just expects my MIL to watch her kids all the time.  That’s not right. 

It sounds like you may have to start saying no (or screening your calls).  That’s ok.

any tips on how to get my 4.5 month old to sleep a little later in the morning. she seems to think it is fun to be awake sometime between 5 and 6 in the morning. what am i going to do when the time changes and that becomes 4 or 5 am! it doesn’t seem to matter if we put her to bed at 6:30 or 8, she gets up around the same time. we are currently cosleeping because she wakes up almost every hour after 1am, but around 5 or 6 she awakes and babbles and smiles at me.

Thank you to everyone who responded about announcing pregnancies and miscarriages. In our case, we had just found out we were pregnant and miscarried a few days later before we had a chance to tell anyone. We had planned on not telling anyone since we were breathless with how fast everything occurred but my husband’s family (non-Christians who do not pray) were in town and expected us to be able to jump up and be able to do all kinds of things with them and I was in horrible physical and emotional pain and in no way able to participate forcing my husband to let them know. While well meaning, I did hear a few incredibly horrible responses from them like, well, you can always have another one (never mind we wanted that baby) and that baby had something wrong with it, it’s better off this way (this particularly stung as we had great difficulty in conceiving and made the decision not to do prenatal testing believing our baby was a gift no matter what). So, I totally understand the anger and grief my co-worker was going through I just think her anger was so misguided toward her grandmother who had no knowledge the miscarriage had occurred only the pregnancy. I don’t know if my co-worker prays or is religious but I would hope her grandmother, had she known, would have told her what my grandmother told me: that losing a child leaves a hole in your heart that will grow smaller in time but never goes away. And I tell my daughter and son every day they have a very special guardian angel in heaven.

Tracy-My prayers go out to you during this painful time.

Re: parties-I always decline home sales parties since we have no money to spare. One time I attended a bath/body product party and it ended up being just me, the hostess, and her husband!  It was awkward getting a foot soak sitting on the couch with my friend and her husband.  Then her dog came over and started to lick the shea butter lotion off of my lower leg.  Nice.

Can anyone recommend an exercise DVD for pregnant women?  Or a general one that is suitable for pregnant women?  Thanks.

re: pregnancy announcing

we told our family (parents and siblings) a few days after we found out and told everyone after the first doctor’s visit, which was around 9 weeks.

Hope—have you tried music?  Most of your favorite kid shows have CD’s that you can get from the library.  So you can listen to the Veggies or Blues Clues while you play with dough or blocks. 

Melanie!  I feel ya, babe!  You want to count your blessings, but you don’t want to be a doormat. It pays to have your calendar near the phone.  I often get this: “Hey Regina, what are you guys doing?”  “Oh, not much.” “Good! Can so-and-so come over and play while I do errands?”  When I have my calendar near the phone, I can say “Well, it’s Tuesday, that means I have to get this and that done before 4:00 when I take the kids off to swim.  Whew, what a day!”  Have your story ready!

Melanie, I recommend you read the book “Boundaries”  I can’t remember who wrote it though . . .  it’s by two Evangelical Christian psychologists and it is about the very challenges you outline in your post.  It will help you figure out where your boundaries are and what you’ll need to do to “enforce” them. 

Sarah L - LOL!

I just watched the born allive video and can not believe Catholics could ever think of voting for Obama.

Kristen~
We told our parents and my sister as soon as I got a positive pregnancy test.  I had to tell a few people at work when I had to miss work a few times.  Other than that, we waited until our first ultrasound. I felt it would be better to tell people I had miscarried, than having them call to see how I was doing, only to find out that they were the only people who hadn’t heard that I had lost the baby. 

Melanie~
For me, that’s part of the normal give and take of being part of a family.  (There has to be both give AND take, though.)  I watch my sister’s son, if she needs it, and she watches mine if I need it.  I do have other babysitters and so does she, but we’d both prefer to keep our children in the family.  It just seems better, somehow.

I am in need of some advice from all of you wonderful Catholic women.  My DH is interviewing for a new job.  While there is a possibility of staying where we are (town with a wonderful Catholic community) there is a good chance of moving to a big city and he would be traveling Mon-Thurs.  We have 2 young children (3yr, 7 months) and pray for more children.  He would like us to home school and I am still discerning that option.  This traveling lifestyle would be for the next 2-3 years.  He is excited about this job but we are both hesitant to jump into the lifestyle with a traveling daddy.  Does anyone out there have a traveling DH?  If so, how do you make it work for your family?  God’s will be done!

do you all think that it might be a good idea to ask everyone you know and yourselves to drop everything your doing at 3pm on November 3 and 4 to say the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the intention of the election.  (for Obama not to win).  He’s a scary scary man.

To Family Life:
I do not have a husband who travels but when I was very young, my father traveled often for business. We lived in NC (near the Research Triangle Park) and his travel was mostly to Canada and California (Silicon Valley, he designs computer chips). We were very young when this started (5, 3 and 1 and another brother joined us a few years later). It was difficult for our sahm, but we managed. I think it was more stressful on our dad than we ever knew, I would pray for discernment.

family life—

my husband has traveled a lot in the past. since our first baby was born in may he has traveled less, but it is starting to pick up again. we both wish he didn’t have to travel, but for now he does. the one thing that helps the baby is to webcam. we have a webcam at the house and he has one on his work computer. at least once a day we both log on to skype and do the video chat. our daughter gets so excited to see and hear daddy. i’m sure your kids would enjoy it even more since they are older. my husband and i also talk on the phone several times a day which helps me. good luck.

Is anyone aware of a Catholic book aimed at young girls that would discuss the idea of courting/very conservative dating?  I would be happy with any book on this subject as long as it wasn’t anti-Catholic.  Thanks!!

Monica~ Arms of Love by Carmen Marcoux.  It is a novel addressing Catholic courtship. I read it a few years ago and loved it. She has a sequel titled Surrender but I have not read it.  Check out the website: http://www.courtshipnow.com/

Monica, Kimberly Hahn has an EXCELLENT audio recording about Courtship and Dating (I think that’s even the name of it).  I’ve seen it available on 1 CD (the abbreviated version) and on a 3-4 cassette tape set.  It was recorded from a class that she gave to high school or college young women.  It is wonderful!  I don’t know if she has a book version.  You might be able to find it at http://www.scotthahn.com

Family Life:
It becomes the shape of your life.  My husband, too, has had periods where he travelled frequently, and we are back in one of those after almost two years of his only leaving town once or twice every two months.  At one point, because he was still techinically temporarily assigned overseas, we did not see each other from New Year’s until after Easter.
It is hard with little ones, and you really have to keep their daddy present for them as much as possible when he is away. 
One thing that becomes difficult is that you can’t necessarily schedule anything for the days your husband is home, because he will want family time.  We can’t accept invitations to some weekend parties and events because my husband once again has only limited time with us.  And I haven’t had an evening out with my firiends alone in more than a year, but then again, I would rather be at home with my husband when he can be home.
i guess part of my understanding, though, is because before we had children I, too, worked a job that was 50-75% travel around the country.  I understand the demands and the lifestyle because i lived it. While I have some friends that make it clear they they are jealous of their husband’s “freedom,” eating out and living in hotels all week long, I can tell you that there is nothing Conde Nast about being stuck in the St. Louis Airport on a Sunday evening after all the restaurants have closed and you have to eat untoasted Poptarts for dinner because you won’t get into Oklahoma City until the storms stop sometime after 1 am.  Nothing at all.
Talk everyday on the phone or instant messenger.  Take 2 minutes to send him sweet text messages first thing in the morning. do what you can to stay in contact as much as possible.

Monica: “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” is not a Catholic book but is not anti-Catholic. It is a book I received when I was 14 years old and it really changed my view of dating.

Family Life: If your husband doesn’t “have” to take the job I would reconsider it. While there are many people who deal with traveling spouses it is not easy and is a challenge. You will be a “single parent” while he is gone and will have much stress added to your plate, while he will be away much of the week and will have to adjust to the loudness that happens in a home with kids compared to the quietness that hotels give. Your children will have to adjust to you being the “head” of the household while daddy is gone and having new rules when the real head of the household arrives home. It is confusing for all involved. It can work, but it is never the ideal situation.

I find this website to be so insightful—and that is what I need right now.

I would like to begin homeschool my children—7, 5, 3, and 1.  They are many reasons for wanting to do this—the major reason is that I feel that I am being called to be a servant to my husband and to my children in a more complete way.  My husband is not catholic but supports the children being raised in a catholic home and attending catholic school. 

Any suggestions on how to get my husband to at least think about it—our discussions have been brief and not productive.  Currently, I am reading and researching to see how I could make it work and compiling a heartfelt letter to him explaining how I want to really give my life to the Lord and serve him and the children—I don’t want to freak him out yet I feel that it is important to for him to understand the top 1000 reasons.  Thanks so much.

Parties: For me its the same as fundraisers. If I don’t have money or time I say no. Candle parties are easy to refuse because I’m allergic to fragrance. What I always do is ask if any of their products are under $10 and appropriate for gifts. I usually have a birthday or Christmas gift I need.

Needs and big families: I agree with reading off your calendar to them! Mine would scare anyone away. I’ve also offered a trade: sure I’ll watch while you go to the dentist and when you get back you can watch while I get my groceries—then we’ll have a cup tea! For my BFF and Best sisters this sounds like a great invitation but anyone trying to take advantage would say no.

re: home parties and family expectations

After having a party for a friend who had a business years ago I avoid them.  I only had a few people that could come and she pressured me to call the people that weren’t coming and ask them if they wanted to order something.  It put me in an awkward situation because #1 I am not a sales person and #2 I had reserved her time and felt I had to help her.  Never again.

I also realized that if I hosted parties I would get in the loop and then feel obligated to go to everyone else’s parties and I am very frugal and most of the things are more than I would ever pay for anything even though I have the money for it.

I know some moms use these business for support but I have really been turned off by it.  Especially when I only hear from someone when I am a potential business customer.  It really makes me feel our relationship is shallow.  If someone has a different perspective I’d be happy to hear it.

For the mom who struggles with always helping out.  I would set some boundaries.  As someone who has no family around I have learned how to make the connections I need that are mutual in helping each other out.  Not that it always has to be equal, it is not.  Families need boundaries also and that is ok.  Communcation is so important so the resentment does not build.
Help them to get connected to babysitters from church, I have found a wealth of teenage girls in my parish community and my kids love them.

I need suggestions on pet food. I used to feed whatever was on sale but one of our cats gets urinary trac infections from cheap food and our dog is picky. Lately we have been feeding Nutro Max but the price just jumped $5 more a bag. What do you all feed your cats/dogs and what is the average price a month?

Monica, how young is the girl? If she’s under 7 or 8, there’s a great book called I think “The Princess and the Kiss.” There’s also a similar book for boys called “The Squire and the Scroll.” I’ve heard great things about both these books, but they are probably best for 8 and under…MAYBE a little bit older, perhaps as old as 10.

Does anyone have a good response to this comment?  I am pregnant and keep hearing “You’re so brave.”  I heard this during my last pregnancy too.  I have 3 beautiful, healthy, smart children.  I have no major health issues.  We are not destitute.  So it’s not my life circumstances prompting this; I just keep talking to Catholics and non-Catholic Christians who think that having more than 2 kids is heroically brave.  What should I say?????  Any ideas other than “um thanks?”

regarding the Divine Mercy Chaplet on No. 3 and 4, I think it is a great idea.  How about everyday between now and the election ?  Just the Chaplet, not the optional prayers, only takes a few minutes and is so powerful.  Thanks for the suggestion.

On another topic, does anyone have a good remedy for hemmorhiods -is that even spelt correctly??!!!

margaret,

vinegar on a cotton ball works pretty good