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Email a FriendI feel tempted to say, “Because I make the rules in the house, and someday when you have your own house, you can make the rules.” But I haven’t said it yet… But give me time, our oldest just turned thirteen. So all I say now is, “Because I’m the mom.” Seems to work. :o)
Stuff Parents Say
what's your favorite?
Posted by Rachel Balducci in Family on Thursday, January 26, 2012 5:13 PM
A few years ago, when my babies suddenly got a little older, I found myself having to answer that age-old question: why?
“Why can’t we watch this?”
“Why can’t I go there?”
“Why can’t I stay up past nine o’clock?”
These and a million other inquiries started making the room spin and I felt I was always working on a small thesis to explain to my children the reasoning for our decisions. I’d launch into how I didn’t like a particular show because (insert long, complicated analysis of how the children are rude and parents made to seem like nitwits). Or I’d explain how if they didn’t get enough sleep they wouldn’t grow enough or think straight or act the way they needed to.
One day, when they asked for the millionth time why they couldn’t watch some mindless cartoon, I finally remembered something my parents had often told us, something that drove me crazy as a child but was now a lightbulb moment of freedom.
“Because I said so!” I answered. And that was that.
I try to give my children explanations here and there. I think it’s important to teach them why certain things are off-limits or unacceptable. But sometimes, I don’t feel compelled to launch into it all—and sometimes, it’s just not appropriate. Maybe I have a very good reason for why they can’t hang out at a particular event but don’t necessarily want to disparage anyone in the process of explaining my decision.
“Because I said so,” is my favorite phrase.
Other choices include “that’s what we do in this family,” and “that’s what your dad and I have decided,” and “because I said so.” (Oh wait, did I say that again? Because I LOVE that one!)
What about you? Do you have a pat answer you find yourself using, maybe even something you heard as a child and are now surprised to have coming out of your own mouth?
Isn’t parenting the best?! Yes, yes it is.
Comments
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Posted by Anna on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 5:44 PM (EDT):
“Use your eyes and your brain together” (in answer to “Mom, where’s my ____?”) and “People are for loving, not for hitting” were among my mom’s stock phrases and I use them now too. And, yes, “because I said so” has entered my lexicon as well. I try to give explanations where I can (and my son especially responds well to most things as long as there seems to be some *reason*), but sometimes that pat answer seems the only way out of the morass of “but WHY?”
Posted by Monica (momof2) on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 6:07 PM (EDT):
I think it’s hysterical how all the parenting magazines (which I used to have subscriptions to but now read in doctors’ offices) always say, “Never answer a chlld’s question with ‘Because I said so.” So completely detached from reality, especially the reality of having a lot of kids asking these kinds of questions all day. Even me, with only two kids, would be hard pressed to give an intelligent answer to every question my kids ask me. I wouldn’t have time to even go to the bathroom if I tried to do that. Let’s face it, they aren’t really questions anyway, they are objections. I refuse to take the bait and get pulled into debates with my kids.
Posted by Marie M on Friday, Jan 27, 2012 11:29 AM (EDT):
Monica—agree with you about the parenting magazines—what a lot of hogwash. Somehow I recently got onto one particular magazine subscription (I never paid for it, so I have not idea how they started sending them to me) and I’ve had a few issues that are SO bad I have to put the mag at the bottom of the recycle bin so my older kids won’t even see the cover! The sad part is that they are influencing a whole generation of young parents. I pray that some of our kids will get into the business of renewing that industry—and SOON!
Posted by Monica (momof2) on Friday, Jan 27, 2012 1:30 PM (EDT):
Marie M, you are so right. I used to get the magazines when my kids were babies for the health news (what-do-you-put-on-a-diaper-rash kind of stuff) but when it comes to parenting advice, it’s usually baloney. Maybe other parents get that too because it seems most people stop getting these magazines by the time their children are preschool age.
Posted by Melissa G on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 6:08 PM (EDT):
Before I had kids I swore I wouldn’t use “because I said so.” I hated it when my parents said it, but I have used it on occassion because like you I didn’t think it was necessary to go into an explanation- they just needed to obey.
Some of my other favorite phrases: “I love you too much to argue.”“Do you think that gives Glory to God?”
One phrase my Mom used to use and I dreaded, but I haven’t used yet is : “Wait until your father gets home!”
Posted by laurajean on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 6:46 PM (EDT):
My favorite is when they ask for something, I say no, and they continue arguing with me about it. My pat reply then I learned from watching lawyer shows - “Asked and answered”. My older teens have learned not to argue with me - I’ve told them I can’t always articulate the reasons but I know in my gut what’s not a good idea, so “Don’t argue with my motherly intuition” is another good one.
Posted by Kelly@inthesheepfold on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 10:58 PM (EDT):
Asked and answered is one of my favorites, too!
Posted by RealMom4Life on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 6:57 PM (EDT):
Learned one of my favorites from my brother-in-law. When I tell a child, for example, you have 10 more minutes left to do ____” and they respond by asking for more time, “I might say, OK, now it’s 5.” Then when they complain and decide to comply with the 10 minutes the response is, “No. It’s 5 now. You opened up negotiations.” (So much funnier in conversation style than typed out)
Posted by Regina on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 7:29 PM (EDT):
When one of my kids takes a drink or a snack that isn’t an “official” drink or snack, I always say “Put that back—you’re going to start a parade!” Meaning that everyone’s going come stampeding into the kitchen wanting the same thing. That always happens. And I always say “Thanks a lot, you started a Big Parade!” My mom used to say the same thing.
Posted by karen on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 8:31 PM (EDT):
My absolute favorite “parenting line” belonged to my grandfather.
In answer to “have you seen x?” Or “where is x?”
He would answer, ” I saw it going down the street singing Yankee Doodle!”
It drove me crazy when I was a kid but now the.memory makes me smile and I would give just about anything to hear him say it again.
Posted by Anne in NC on Friday, Jan 27, 2012 1:06 PM (EDT):
That’s funny!! I’m going to adopt that one!
I am very fond of “Because I said so.” Some others we use are, “No means NO!” and “When it’s time to go, it’s time to go!”
My mother used to say, “You have to eat a peck of dirt before you die.” ??? Maybe we dropped a lot of food on the floor?!
Posted by Genevieve on Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 9:25 PM (EDT):
I’ve come to realize that 99% of the time kids know exactly why we have set down whatever maxim they’re calling into question. It’s almost a reflex - their “whhhyyyy oh whhhyyyy?” I usually say (sometimes a tad sardonic) - “well my dear…why do YOU think I will/won’t let you ___________.”
As I said, most times, my kids give the correct answer. They know. If someone tries to bluff me and says “I don’t know” -then I say “well think about it and you’ll figure it out.”
On occasion - they really don’t know (e.g.” Why can’t we go in the water today?” on a day at the beach when the red flag is up)
In those cases, obviously I explain.
Posted by Kathy on Friday, Jan 27, 2012 11:13 AM (EDT):
My friend just blogged on this subject. It’s short and good. And she sums up the conversations I often have with my children.
http://www.housewifespice.com/2012/01/this-hurts-me-more-than-it-hurts-you.html
Posted by Kathy on Friday, Jan 27, 2012 11:13 AM (EDT):
My friend just blogged on this subject. It’s short and good. And she sums up the conversations I often have with my children.
http://www.housewifespice.com/2012/01/this-hurts-me-more-than-it-hurts-you.html
Posted by Shari on Friday, Jan 27, 2012 3:12 PM (EDT):
While I’m not a big fan of my daughter’s Pinkalicious book, she has adopted the line “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” and started using it herself. I’ve started using it with my youngest and it seems to be working.
Posted by Natalie on Friday, Jan 27, 2012 9:48 PM (EDT):
Conversation goes something like this: “I want to go to X, and do Y and Z.” Me: “You can go to X, and do Y, but not Z.” “Why can’t I do Z?” “Because I’m the Mom, and I said you can’t.” “But I wanna do Z! Why can’t I?” Me: “Keep it up, and you’re not going to get to do Y either.” (It is essential to follow-through & actually take away Y, if the child continues to challenge your authority.)
Posted by anon on Saturday, Jan 28, 2012 8:28 AM (EDT):
Instead of “because I said so” I like “obey now and we’ll discuss reasons later.” (sometimes adding “if you remind me” so I can absolve myself of forgetting to discuss reasons later!)
I grew up with, “Because I’m your mom and God gave me authority over you!” Drove me crazy. I always wanted to find someone who had authority over my mom to boss her around and see how she liked it… but of course no one had authority over mom! lol! SO… I try to avoid coming across as the dictator of my children’s world.
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