Sweet and Sour Siblings
Posted by Arwen Mosher in Family on Tuesday, June 01, 2010 10:44 PM
I’m all about making lemonade, but the thing is: lemons aren’t enough. You’ve got to have sugar too.
Both my kids have been on a major Mama kick lately. My daughter turns “I-want-MA-ma!” into a whine that sounds like one four-syllable word. My son babbles it almost without ceasing, “Mamamamamamama…” They both want me to hold them, feed them, cuddle them, and read to them, every waking hour of the day.
I would like to be able to go to the bathroom without hearing small fists banging on the door. That’s the bag of lemons in this situation. But it’s easy to find the sugar here, too. A small person on my lap when I’m trying to write an email may hit a few stray keys, but the hands with which he hits them are adorably dimpled, and the head that leans against my chest is warm with soft hair, just right for kissing. Sweet enough to balance the inconvenience of all those baby-escorted bathroom trips.
Here’s where it goes sour: when they love me, but they’re not loving toward each other.
Camilla’s always been pretty good about the amount of attention her baby brother needs, so I try to give her cuddles whenever I’m free. Blaise has been fine with this - or oblivious to it - but at sixteen months old, he’s suddenly very aware when his sister is getting time with his mama, and he does not like it. He can be across the room playing happily, but as soon as she climbs on my lap he beelines for us and commences trying to unseat her.
I’ve tried letting them share the space, but that makes Blaise more determined to kick his sister off. (Literally.) It quickly devolves into violence, and soon I’ve got two screaming children fighting over the prime real estate of Mama’s Lap.
I find it fairly easy to make lemonade out of the inconvenience of my children desiring my attention. They love me! It’s not always easy, but it’s wonderful. In contrast, when I have no personal space and no happy children, when they’ve got me but they’re mad as heck over having to share me… well, the lemons are sticking right out, but I have a hard time finding the sugar in that one. Sometimes I just get out of the chair and walk away. They hate that, but they calm down eventually.
The new challenge of sibling rivalry has me struggling, but perhaps it’s good for me. Slowly I’m learning that the sugar I need to make lemonade isn’t always available exactly when I need it. I have to store it up.
So when I’m holding one of my children and the other one is out of the way, I soak up the kisses and the cuddles. When they happen to be playing together, generously and lovingly, I watch and enjoy for the entire ninety seconds it lasts. They won’t always be three-and-a-half and sixteen months old. My lap won’t always be a battleground.
I bet someday I’ll be wistful for these days. Even for the lemons.
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