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Email a FriendPosted by Anne on Thursday, May 28, 2009 1:21 PM (EDT):
Thanks! I love this post. Maybe someday these toddlers I have now will help me discipline the new younger ones and my blood pressure will stop rising, too!
Evolution of a Disciplinarian
Exactly when did I become such a softy?
Posted by Danielle Bean in Family on Thursday, May 28, 2009 1:00 PM
Kateri "disciplines" Danny
Dan and I used to be the only disciplinarians in our family. With older kids in the house now, though, often there are a number of us shepherding the littlest ones.
Much of the time, I find this useful. I’ll take all the help I can get. After all, it has recently come to my attention that I have become an old softy.
After baths the other evening, I was scrambling to get the wood floors swept. It disturbs me when clean kids come out of the tub and immediately get grubby feet by walking on sandy, end-of-the-day floors. Of course I should sweep first then bathe the kids, but life does not always go as it should, does it?
I was almost done sweeping the living room and had amassed a sizable pile of grit and sand when a freshly-bathed Daniel peeked at me from around the corner.
I knew what he was plotting.
“Don’t even think about it, Mister,” I told him sternly. “You will not touch this pile.”
With twinkling eyes, he stepped closer.
“No, Danny,” I warned. “You have nice clean feet. Don’t touch the dirt.
He grinned. He squealed ... He ran straight through the pile of dirt, kicked it in all directions, and raced from the room laughing.
I was speechless at his audacity, but my 14-year-old daughter wasn’t.
“You can not let him get away with that,” she told me.
Okay. I swallowed my amusement at the brassy boy, grabbed him sternly by the shoulders, told him “No!” and placed him in the corner.
Where he sobbed. Pitiful, gut-wrenching sobs.
He defied me, I told myself. He needs to be there a good long while.
But it’s a consequence of being an older broken-in mom, I think, that I seem to have turned into a big mushy softy. Try as I might, I just can’t get mad like I used to.
I can remember getting so frustrated with my oldest children’s misbehavior as toddlers that I could feel my blood pressure rise until it pounded in my ears.
I don’t get like that anymore. I suppose I’ve seen enough of life and the world to know that these preschool days are too short (and too funny) to spend them frustrated and angry.
After a few minutes of the sorrowful sobbing, I called Daniel to me and we talked about his misbehavior. He sobbed. He said sorry. We hugged. And then he was free to go.
And go he did—straight into the arms of his older sister Juliette where he was sure to find some sympathy.
“Mama was mean,” he sniffled.
“Really?” Juliette asked. “Was Mama mean or was Daniel naughty?”
Surprised, Daniel looked up at his big sister. He paused long enough for me to congratulate myself on a disciplinary success which was about to be reinforced by an older sibling.
But no.
“Mama was mean,” Daniel confirmed before collapsing in a heap of wailing on her lap.
Apparently, there’s more work to be done here. For all of us.
Comments
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Posted by expecting #4 on Thursday, May 28, 2009 2:01 PM (EDT):
I enjoyed this post and seeing a glimpse of life with older and little ones. I did have to share with Danielle when we found out we were pregnant (and overwhelmed) my husband was looking over my shoulder while reading F & F and saw Danielle’s picture. He told me look she looks happy and not like she is going crazy. I just smiled.
Danielle, your oldest dd’s first statement made me laugh.
I now have a 21 yr old and a 19 yr old (this Saturday) who instruct me how to “properly” raise and discipline their younger siblings.
Surprising they think the “proper” way to raise and discipline is the way they were trained. Of course, at the time, I was just a “mean ol’ mommy.” LOL
Now my twenty-plus years of parenting experience mean nothing while their memories promote them to the postion of parenting experts.
Posted by sheo on Thursday, May 28, 2009 9:01 PM (EDT):
I laughed out loud at this post. It sounds just like my family. Can someone give any insight as to whether the youngest children of a large family often end up spoiled rotten. That is the worry around here these days. Sometimes I think I act more like a doting grandparent than a parent!
Thanks! I needed that! I have 3 kids ages 5,3, and 7 months. The 3 year old has been acting out SO much lately. Daniel’s story reminds me of him. And I spent the evening lying on the bed stressed and worried that I was going to feel this angry my whole motherhood. Now I know it is only temporary, and then the next one will be in that stage. By your example I shall learn to relax and love him…after calm discipline 
Posted by Grandma Elaine on Friday, May 29, 2009 12:10 PM (EDT):
You think you are a softy now. Wait until you are the Grandma! Then the harsh stuff falls on the parents.
Posted by CatholicPostage on Saturday, May 30, 2009 1:07 AM (EDT):
Very cute. My wife and I are NOT broken in yet, but I can see it coming!
Posted by Stacy on Sunday, May 31, 2009 9:22 PM (EDT):
Thank you for writing this post. I would never have let my oldest get away with what the baby does now. I think it has something to do with knowing how quickly time passes, and that the sassy little baby will be a young woman with the blink of an eye.
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