The Impostor Syndrome
Posted by Sr. Patricia Proctor, OSC in Family on Wednesday, April 29, 2009 8:00 PM
Today I discovered there is a snydrome out there called, “The Impostor Snydrome.” It afflicts mostly women who are high achievers – and who actually do highly achieve but feel that they are in truth impostors.
It kind of clicked in with me – because a lot of times I will get these compliments from people saying something to the point of “Gosh, I don’t know how you achieve all that you do,” or “How do you have so much energy?”
First of all most of my day is spent wondering how long till I can sneak in a nap.
The rest of my day is sorted out into “can I put that off for another day?” and “Okay, if that doesn’t get done, will life end as we know it?” and of course my favorite “If I play just one game of solitaire I think I could face this better.”
I know with all my heart that for all the things I seem to accomplish there is a load of “should have accomplished” little details that didn’t even make the grade. Basic things like cleaning (you name it’s always past due) answer letters NOW that have been sitting in that box for weeks, projects started and left to drift aimlessly while I tackle something more pressing at the moment. Oh and did we mention bills? I really shouldn’t be afflicted with them in the Monastery – but I have taken on my mom’s portion of that and so they pile up as well.
There are some very pious reasons that I entered the monastery. I know they are there.. but I also have this strong feeling – that God knew I would be a complete washout if I was left out on my own. I can’t keep track of money – I still remember the look of horror on my dad’s face when I put on a shirt I hadn’t worn for weeks and found a twenty dollar bill in the pocket. I was feeling elated, “I’m rich!” my dad was feeling shocked . . . . “How could someone not know about a $20.00 bill?” This was of course back in the days when twenty dollars was worth something.
I love kids. I always wanted to have about twenty. But I don’t know if I would have been very good at feeding them three times a day. Maybe once in a while – but three times a day? No, that would definitely have been pushing it for me.
Washing clothes? Ah? Is that really dirty? Don’t you think it could be worn one more time? My kids would probably have been given two outfits and hosed off every other week to get the worst off. I mean its not like I don’t have other things to do?
Yes, it is possible that I might have a trace of this syndrome. Maybe even a full blown case of it. Not sure. I don’t know exactly what to do about it. But I guess its nice to know it has a name and that others are afflicted with it.
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