I would say we’re pop-culture neutral at our house—I don’t encourage it but try to accommodate the kids’ interests when possible.  When pop-culture things come up, we try to address them in ways that are consistent with our values but that respect the kids’ feelings and social needs.  For example, when Pokemon became all the rage at school we compromised by not allowing Pokemon videos or TV but we did let them collect the cards and read Pokemon books.  Even though I don’t like Pokemon, I was glad that I took the time to find out why it was important to our boys.  I was concerned about the violent, battle aspect of the TV show but they just wanted to collect the cards and have an idea of what the kids on the playground were talking about. 

Overall, we’ve had a lot of luck with encouraging our kids to get books from the library if they’re interested in something (toy, movie, TV show, etc.) that we aren’t going to have around the house.  I also try to remind myself not to have a knee-jerk reaction against things just because they’re popular.  There are some good things out there too.

Interesting topic. My husband is in film and I’m a writer, so we tend to watch a lot of movies with our children and we read a lot. I’m happy to say that even our oldest, who is nearly nine, cannot put the TV on himself (heh, heh). We limit TV and the children can’t just put it on when they want. That said, my husband is a huge soccer fan, follows an NFL team, and is an avid supporter of the Vancouver Canucks. Lots of sports watching here. He has also watched the old James Bond movies and *selected* Monty Python sketches with the boys and they all enjoy SpongeBob with Dad or Being Ian with Mumma…. They watch black & white movies (Oliver Twist, A Christmas Carol) as well as contemporary movies. We all enjoyed watching the drama Crusoe on TV last year as a family and the boys. The challenge we have is that some of their friends are allowed unlimited access to TV/Internet and the older two boys have been told about plotlines/dialogue from shows like Family Guy and SouthPark (groan) that in our opinion are not for children and not to our taste. Likewise some websites for children that are completely consumer-driven (play games to earn virtual money to acquire goods). It’s given us opportunity to discuss quality shows versus garbage and manipulation of commercials and media. And fending off the “but all my friends…” comments. No TV before bed - they all four read (even our two-year-old daughter “reads) as they tuck in for the night.

I had been thinking recently that pop culture is seeping into our home more than I would like. It is difficult when you have young adult children still at home (ages 19&21;) and also littles whose innocence you want to preserve.
That being said, I was somewhat relieved last night as news of Michael Jackson’s death was all over the television and my almost 9yo son has a revelation. “OOOOH, so Michael Jackson was a boy!”
I was very saddened to hear of his sudden death… Iit brought back memories of dancing to the jackson5 in grammar school.
May he, and all the souls of the faithful departed,  rest in peace!

I think it’s important to have exposure to pop culture.  It’s an aspect of life that allows people to connect to one another.  That’s not to say that total immersion is necessary or that isolation from it is bad.  In our home we control what programs our children watch.  I had issues with certain shows that are geared to the tween audience (Drake and Josh, iCarly and Hanna Montana to name a few) that I felt were creating a negative influence on my older daughter.  We banned the programs and substituted shows that I felt were more wholesome (Full House, anyone?).  Even cartoons that use language that I feel is inappropriate or disrespectful are blocked in our home (like Fairly Odd Parents and Back at the Barnyard).  When a show is blocked, I explain to my children why it is blocked. My goal in parenting is to raise my children to become good people who are tolerant, well rounded, well mannered and have a strong faith.  I believe that exposure to pop culture is necessary in helping them become well rounded individuals. Parents just need to be aware of what it is that they are allowing their child to be exposed to and be willing to step in and say no to programs they deem inappropriate for the child’s age or maturity level.

This is such a tricky balancing act. We’re often getting comments about “sheltering” our kids or that we don’t let them share enough of pop culture to let them connect with their schoolmates—and this is from family!
But we really don’t shelter as much as they think, or even as much as other commenters here might. However, we are selective and our kids understand that we’re NOT trying to be like everyone else and they shouldn’t be either. They know that there are movies, games, and TV shows that we do not allow and we make no apologies for choosing what’s good. They learned the word “inappropriate” from an early age! We don’t say that a show or movie is “bad,” just that we believe it is inappropriate for our family or children at a certain age. Our son (now 11) has actually left a friend’s house when they watched something he knew he was not allowed to and has told us about internet or TV watching in other houses. The thing is we DO let our kids watch TV—when we choose to, they do not have access at will. We use the DVR to record things they really like (selected Mythbusters [we check these, some “stray”], history and science shows, and cartoons that are not obnoxious! They very rarely get TV at all during the week in the school year (unless they are sick or it’s a special day). They get SOME on weekends, but they know it’s not just available at every moment.
We also use library and Netflix collections to give us movie and TV collections options that we can all watch together. They LOVE family movie nights (usually at least one weekend night a week) and we have fun with it.
Kids can really accept this! We are often met with amazement when people realize our kids don’t just get TV whenever they want. We visited my in-laws yesterday and we weren’t in the house 5 minutes before they both told my son to go ahead and turn on the TV! There was nothing decent to watch—but I think they too think they need to counter how “strict” they think we are about TV.
We have let our 11-year-old watch some movies (Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc.) but we know what he can process. Some tension and violence, but no gore. And we avoid anything with almost any sexual innuendo, crass jokes, or obnoxious anti-parent/adult themes —which are more prevalent in popular PG movies!
Sorry to be long, but this is something we take seriously and do make specific choices.

I think much of the decision rests on what we put in to our faith life.  There are shows on tv now that I simply cannot watch because I am a practicing Catholic - the huge amount of sexual content and gory violence on tv is startling and most often ridiculous.  If we place importance on prayer and trying to live a life of virtue and holiness, I think we’ll find ourselves not wanting to watch a lot of what is on tv today. 

Now that I am very active at my church and I do pray and I do go to confession and receive the Eucharist and I do have a portrait or two of the Blessed Mother and Jesus hanging around the house, I simply don’t watch tv a lot and I especially avoid watching some of the morally questionable situations on tv that I used to.  This has come easily and naturally because I place so much emphasis on my faith life.  I’m setting an example without necessarily directly addressing the issue of television and popular culture with my kids.  I just can’t stand the humor on some children’s shows, especially on nickelodeon and so it’s not on in my house.  We watch pbs or qubo or dvds.  My kids aren’t exposed to it because I just can’t have it on, I just can’t suffer through it because it’s actually painful in some instances to watch people doing morally questionable things.  It’s simply contrary to the way I live my life now as a Catholic. 

So I think if we alter our thinking and our behavior through prayer and the sacraments, we’ll find ourselves not really needing to make the decision whether or not to expose our children to popular culture.  The way we live our life will speak for itself and our children will see that and follow our example.  If a conflict arises, then we’ll have the discussion.  It’s tough sometimes, I believe, to convince someone of something until they’ve discovered it on their own, at least in part.  This of course, doesn’t include discussions on sex and drugs, things that have more serious consequences for our kids.

Thanks Arwen, I feel really old reading your post!!! The older my kids the more exposure we become. Balance is key, although I enjoyed our tv free years!!! +JMJ+

Lately I’ve been thinking about this so much. My oldest daughter is 12 and definitely moving into young womanhood—and what is there for her that is innocent, fun, absorbing, cool, and yet difficult enough to help her grow? Just about nothing in contemporary culture. Sometimes I do feel that the pop culture is reaching out its filthy tentacles to grab my kids and eat them. I know this is not the right attitude, and I fight against it by a lot of prayer and asking for advice. But really, I actually hate almost everything offered to kids today—music, TV, movies, even books, clothes, etc.

We have a TV with no antenna so we watch a lot of DVDs (old movies, documentaries, newer family movies, cartoons from Netflix) and we do allow the oldest two kids to read Harry Potter and ordinary books from the library, although I still can’t bring myself to let the oldest browse in the “teen” section as there are books with overt homosexuality and drug use in them in that section.

Frankly, most of our culture strikes me as evil. Help, other Catholic moms! I’m really worried at this point. What am I going to do about clothes for dd?

I have only boys - the oldest is 13. We used to let them watch a lot of PBS style shows when they were younger but when they started to read it was easy to let go of. My husband doesn’t watch much TV but I used to watch it pretty much every night because I grew up watching a lot - it was habitual and almost comforting. I have cut down to the point that we cancelled our cable a few months ago. Now we watch 24 together and maybe 1 or 2 other things during the week (we can only get the major networks without cable). The TV is never on before 9pm during the week at any rate.

My kids have to ask to watch TV (which I think is essential) but at this point they just never do. We do a movie night about once a week and they love that - we pop corn etc. We might watch This Old House on Sunday afternoon.

There is just nothing good on anymore and the commercials are atrocious so I’m happy to keep it to a minimum. I was watching things that were violent or immoral just to be entertained; I really had to work to stop. I feel a lot of TV as a kid was bad for me, and my siblings feel the same - none have cable because if it’s there they will watch it. An old friend of mine grew up without TV and she was the one person I know who wasn’t addicted to it back then. So I’m careful with my kids in this regard.

The kids listen to a lot of different types of music but very little rock and roll and no rap at all. A mix CD made by my husband for a long car ride would include classical, bluegrass, folk, Irish, some sacred music, a little good jazz and maybe the 50’s band the Ventures. Something for everyone.

TV free America…the environmental movement of the mind.

For the most part, I have not lived in a house with a TV since I left home for college in the fall of 1988.  I have not missed it.  DH & I feel our childrens’ lives (& our family life) are closer, safer, purer & more peaceful because of it.

When I was a kid in the 80’s, I watched a few Saturday morning cartoons (Smurfs, Garfield, Muppet Babies) and PBS, but not much else.  I was teased quite a bit for being clueless about the show with the flying car and some other programs I didn’t realize existed at the time.  I remember being annoyed that my mom wouldn’t let me collect Garbage Pail Kid cards.  I didn’t hear any pop music until middle school.  As an adult, I feel like my parents did a good job finding the right balance and I hope to do similarly with my kids (now ages 5 and 3).  Most boys my older son’s age seem to have a lot of themed action figures and we haven’t gone there.  My kids usually watch 30 minutes of TV a day, usually Thomas or WordWorld or Reading Rainbow.  I agree with the earlier commenter that the ability to read helps wean off the TV—I’m trying to have more books on tape/CD in particular for that quiet time we all need in the afternoon.

If it were up to me, we’d probably have next to no TV.  No satellite TV.  I was not brought up the same way my husband was.  He was brought up with a TV in the kitchen, so they could watch and eat at the same time.  ACKKK!  Horrors!!  I was brought up with no TV at all until I was around 13 or so.  And then, we had only 2 channels and we were restricted on the shows we could watch.

I never watch TV.  My kids have taken to watching more DVD’s than TV as well, although they do watch a bit of TV too.  My husband is the one who will watch the most.  But at least the thing is away from the diningroom, where it should be.

I never liked Michael Jackson much.  I knew what he looked like because I was born before you Arwen, and he was on everyone’s jacket back then,  (those little rockstar pins were very popular) and I’d heard his music because it was played from time to time at school or at a friend’s house.  I know some people considered him a musical genius and a great lyricist, but I never liked his music.  Probably I was influenced by my parents that way, because they didn’t think much of pop music, but then again, I went on to listen to a lot of rock music later and I will listen to almost any style of music, as long as it doesn’t sound too whiny and the lyrics aren’t stupid.

I guess some exposure to pop culture is okay by me, as long as the kids are able to distinguish between what is just stupid and silly, and what is more meaningful.

My kids exposure to pop culture:  Almost 0
Do I shelter my kids?  You bet I do!  And they are enjoying the luxury of an innocent childhood where wonder and imagination know no bounds. My son was at swim team practice the day after the Jackson news broke.  He came home to tell me Michael Jackson died.  He thought he was a baseball player.

I have had this window open for a few days because of the importance of this topic in our lives.  Our kids are 3y up to almost 18y.  We do believe exposing our kids to pop culture is an important part of our parenting.  We enjoy watching television and listening to music together.  We are frequent users of the “pause” button to discuss any issues that come up.  We have found this to be a very positive way to discuss morality, personal choices, faith, etc.  It’s so much easier to bring these things up in the third person when talking about someone else!  “What do you think of the decision this character made?” and “Mom, I don’t think those lyrics are moral” are common comments in our house. 

My kids are not sheltered, but they are intelligent ... They have had enough exposure to pop culture through the filter of our morality that I trust them to make wise viewing and listening decisions even when I’m not there.  I think this is very important given that college is not that far away.  I remember one time, they started watching a show that I hadn’t seen yet.  I caught an episode several weeks into the show and raised my eyebrows, asking the teens (then 16 and 14) ... do you really think this is an acceptable show?  This created a great debate which they ended by deciding the show was degenerating into morally questionable plot lines and they decided to stop watching it.  All I did was start the conversation.

One of the nice things about today that is very different from my childhood ... there are so many more things in pop culture that it is possible to pick and choose and still fit into the greater culture.  My kids don’t know all the rap stars, but they are fans of many country artists and know a lot of pop stars and are avid fans of American Idol.  They are fans of Psych and Monk but not CSI or Cold Case.  They have seen all the old Pink Panther movies and many Scooby Doos, but only one or two episodes of Sponge Bob Square Pants (in the dentist office!).  This means we can be discerning about what we watch and still have culturally literate children (even when their main knowledge of a specific show may be that there our family decided it crossed a serious moral line so we don’t watch it!)

We homeschool and always have.  Our kids get on well with others who watch tv etc, even when it’s not the same programs/musical artists.  They have their common threads and accept easily that they don’t always like the same things.  It’s just life.  That’s a lot different than my childhood when there were 4 tv stations (except for the few who had cable!) and we were considered cultural idiots if we didn’t all watch the same Saturday morning cartoons.  At this point, people don’t all have to watch the same shows to be considered culturally literate.  There are simply too many shows!  If they have a little reference in their mind, something can be easily explained to them (you know, The Biggest Loser is a spin off of Survivor but focuses on weight loss .... and the other kid can get it even if they aren’t a huge Survivor fan but just know the basic premise of Survivor).

We went through a short tv free stage when our eldest were toddlers.  I have no desire to return to that at this season in our life, though it was the right thing to do at the time.  At this point, however, I have found it a wonderful way to prepare them to enter the world in way where they can be in the world but not of the world.  I do believe it is important for my kids to be culturally literate.  Not knowing who MacGuyver is can be as confusing as never having heard of the Raven saying “Nevermore!”  So much is lost when people don’t understand the old literary references (even when watching tv since a lot of episodes are based on literary classics).  I think both are equally important for life.

Also, we have a child that I suspect has a calling to the priesthood.  He is now 10.  I think it is very important for him especially to have an understanding of humanity, of what his parishoners have been exposed to through their childhood, of what the challenges are in daily life to people.  That doesn’t mean we have a free for all.  There are programs we don’t watch (either due to time or preference or being deemed morally unacceptable).  Things are viewed through the lens of our faith, we discuss the sins we see depicted on tv, we talk about how people make those decisions and how they justify them and whether that is healthy or good (it’s not) and how they could be helped to see the truth, etc.  We teach compassion to sinners while hating sinful behavior.  This provides an amazing platform for discussing our own tendencies toward sinfulness and how we justify our own sin.  What a wonderful opportunity!

We also discuss marketing and how that works.  We often fast forward through commercials, but other times we stop and watch them and discuss the motivation of the manufacturer, why they chose to advertise during this program (targeted audience), what their goal is, what tricks they use, etc.  Another wonderful learning opportunity.  When it’s just me and the teens and I see a new commercial for the Pill or STDs etc, I stop and watch it then as my 15yo says, I give an hour long “homily” about the truth and mistruths in the commercial and what the teachings of our Catholic faith are and all kinds of other things (we have more than earned that half credit required for Health Class in high school… and some of that happened while watching tv!).  My teens are pretty well versed in all of that and not likely to be led down the garden path in the future.

One last thing to say ... I was really feeling a lot of turmoil about our tv viewing a few years back.  We have some tv free friends who are very vocal about the moral superiority of their choice.  I was talking to a very orthodox young priest who told me he was so impressed by how my family has integrated our faith into our real life.  The conversation went on with me confused by what he meant and asking several questions.  Finally, I posed a question to him about tv viewing and whether it was okay for our family to watch tv (in light of our tv free friends).  He told me my kids are so solid in their faith and we should do what is working for our family.  He said OF COURSE it was okay for us to watch tv.  He also said that didn’t mean it was okay to have a tv free for all.  We should of course use prudence!  He told me I need to have more confidence in our parenting decisions (including tv) because we are doing a great job.

A few years later, another priest commented to me how our kids are such a great example to the other kids in the parish because they are respectful and strong in their faith but also able to have a lot of fun.  He has told me several times that whatever it is I’m doing to keep doing it because he thinks our kids are so amazing.  Well, I’m the kind of mom who tends to be very down on myself, so that is quite a shock to me (though part of me sees how right he is, but it is more natural for me to beat myself up than see good things!).  Anyway, a big part of what we do with our kids is to watch tv and present our faith through that lens so comments like these help me feel more confident in our choices as parents.