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Email a FriendPosted by Rachel Balducci on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 1:04 PM (EDT):
congratulations Daria and family! We will keep up the prayers.
The Results of Your Prayers
Meet My Grandbaby!
Posted by DariaSockey in News on Monday, September 19, 2011 12:00 PM
Introducing Harald Anthony Martin Mathie, my first grandchild. The one I asked prayers for just about two weeks ago when he was delivered at 28 weeks’ gestation.
Baby is doing very well. He’s been breathing on his own right from the start, and seems to resent the c-pap oxygen feed, frequently pulling it off as if to say, “I don’t need this thing!” It will probably be removed in another week or so, and then we’ll get a more complete view of that sweet little face. Right now I’m staying with my daughter while she recovers from her c-section and concentrates on the routine of breast pumping every two hours.
It will be at least six weeks before Harald has even a chance of going home. Remembering what an emotional wreck I was having to leave my firstborn behind in the hospital for only a couple of days for jaundice treatment, I am impressed with Bernadette’s positive attitude. Like any new mother, she is consumed with love and longing to be with her baby, but is managing to focus on 1. gratitude to God that Harald is alive and doing well, 2. complete dedication to her motherly duties, and 3. getting all the rest she can so she is up to enjoying long visits with her baby.
I’d be interested in hearing any of your premie stories. In particular I’d like to learn how you managed to hold your mommy-emotions together, and maybe what insights you took away from the whole experience. I’ll be sure to show your comments to Bernadette.
Comments
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Posted by Branwen on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 1:07 PM (EDT):
Congratulations, he’s perfect! It is great to hear that Harald is doing so well. My oldest was in the NICU for 24 hours after birth and I didn’t handle it nearly as well as sounds like your daughter is (although it was completely unexpected). I did however, gain strength from countless Memorares. Who better than our Heavenly Mother to comfort and guide us in our own motherly distress!
Posted by Nicole Hahn on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 1:44 PM (EDT):
Congratulations Daria and family! I can tell even with the cpap that he is absolutely beautiful. My daughter spent the first 4 months of her life in the NICU and it is most definitely a roller coaster ride. We couldn’t have done it without the constant prayers of family and friends. She made progress, but it was very slow. Like Bernadette, I pumped and that seemed to help me feel like I was able to do something for her. I hope that Harald makes big strides with his breathing and becomes a pro at eating when he is allowed to do so! Prayers for you all.
Posted by Lisa Hendey on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 3:04 PM (EDT):
How beautiful! My prayers will continue for this precious one and all who love him!
Posted by Arwen Mosher on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 3:37 PM (EDT):
Congratulations to your daughter! Baby Harald is beautiful, CPAP and all. 
My twins spent 15 and 17 days in the NICU when they were born at 34 weeks back in May. That’s not much compared to what your daughter is going through, but any NICU time is hard.
For me, the key to getting through was allowing myself to be sad sometimes, but firmly resisting any kind of panic. If I started concentrating on the things I couldn’t control, or worrying about the things I wasn’t doing, I’d downward-spiral into hysteria. But if I told myself that the babies were in the best possible place (true) getting the care they needed (true) and that I was doing all I could for them (true) then I could let myself have moments where I was sad about the situation, but move through those moments back to peace and calm.
The thing I worried most about when my babies were hospitalized was bonding - how could it happen properly when I was away from them so much? Assurances from other mothers of preemies helped, so I’ll give Bernadette one of my own. Bonding has been just fine with the twins. Great, even! The key thing to remember is that at his current age, Harald would just be floating in a sac of fluid anyway. That is not to discount in-the-womb bonding, but - as a friend pointed out to me - any skin-to-skin time he gets now is more time than he’d be getting if he were still in utero. Also, my twins came home just before they’d have been 37 weeks gestationally, and soon after that was when they seemed to really “wake up,” so to speak. To survive the NICU time I had to tell myself that they didn’t miss me when I wasn’t there. In retrospect, I think that was mostly true. Now that they’ve been home for 3.5 months, we’re just as bonded as I was with either of my other kids at this point. I wish I hadn’t spent any time worrying about it when they were hospitalized!
There’s a little bit of crude language in it, but I found this interview with a preemie mom about NICU time very helpful: http://alphamom.com/your-life/postpartum/the-nicu-you-when-you-go-home-before-your-baby/
I’ll be praying for baby Harald and for Bernadette and for your whole family! God bless.
Posted by Daria on Tuesday, Sep 20, 2011 7:43 AM (EDT):
Thanks, Arwen, for taking time from your super busy life t write all this. I like what you said about sad vs. hysteria. And the bonding thing is excellent commonsense. The link was definitely worth it too. I’m thinking there’s a future F&F feature in this topic. I’ll have to talk to Danielle about that.
Posted by Kerri on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 5:42 PM (EDT):
He is beautiful and looks *fantastic* for his GA!! Praise God.
I have not had a preemie myself (one of my kids was in the NICU for 10 days but it was for illness, not prematurity, and I was able to stay with him 24/7, so it was a different story altogether). However, I am a lactation counselor and have assisted many preemie moms and babies - and what you said is true, they almost invariably say that pumping to provide their babies human milk (extra-crucial for preemies!) helped so much, even just to remember they were doing something so important and something that NO ONE else could do for them.
Frequent pumping also keeps the breastfeeding hormones at levels that help prevent PPD and postpartum anxiety, which is important when dealing with a NICU stay. And I encourage preemie moms to really advocate for their babies in terms of getting skin-to-skin time, as much as possible and as soon as possible (this will help her milk supply in addition to the baby’s health and growth and stability and bonding!) There are still some hospitals out there that claim you can have “too much” S2S and it will stress the baby out, whereas research has conclusively shown the exact opposite - once babies have reached a relatively stable point, their vitals are never as stable as they are during kangaroo care.
I’d also suggest helping her find an excellent IBCLC to work with, experienced with preemies (International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant; a specialized certification that is not the same as a nurse or a doula or a lactation educator etc.). This may or may not be a hospital staff member - sometimes there’s an excellent IBCLC with whom your daughter feels comfortable right there in the NICU, but often she may want to hire someone else in private practice in the community instead.
There are lots of techniques an IBCLC can share with her such as “hands-on” pumping to increase output, but most importantly, she will communicate with the baby’s doctors and help formulate a plan to transition him to the breast. Many hospitals these days are really, really supportive when it comes to getting moms pumping and getting the milk into the babies by other means, but then later, completely fall asleep on the job when it comes to actually getting the baby nursing. In Sweden, for example, more than 90% of babies born at 30-32 weeks leave the hospital FULLY breastfeeding!! (They often go straight from tube feeds to nursing, no bottles in between.) Here in the U.S., that largely never happens, because moms are given just one or two chances a day to practice nursing their preemies, and very little hands-on guidance to get them nursing well. So an IBCLC can help your daughter start transitioning him as soon as he’s stable enough and show her *how* to actually do this.
The only other thing I hear very often from preemie moms is that it’s so helpful to arrange for family and friends who want to help and ask what they can do, to bring meals, do laundry, give housecleaning gift certificates, gas cards, gift cards to restaurants near the hospital, etc., to free up time and resources for mom to spend as much time as she can with her baby.
Oh and also, mothering.com’s message boards has an *excellent* support forum for preemie/NICU moms - tons of moms who have been there and are there and can offer support and advice. It’s here:
http://www.mothering.com/community/f/371/nicu-preemie-parenting
I should warn though, this is definitely not a Catholic site and you may have to overlook some objectionable things - but there’s a lot of wonderful and useful stuff there.
Posted by Daria on Tuesday, Sep 20, 2011 7:53 AM (EDT):
I am so happy that hospitals have really caught up with the concept and practice of breastfeeding since I started out thirty years ago. When my oldest daughter remained behind in the hospital for jaundice treatment, I was given a manual breastpump that looked like a plastic tricycle horn. (super painful to use), and the advice to “If you want, bring back some milk, it would be nice, but don’t worry about it too much.” Needless to say, I didn’t get that lactation infertility with Theresa that I did with all the others. (Although in the end, that was a good thing, otherwise there would have been no Bernadette (who came 16 month later) and thus, no Harald! So praise God who can make good use of ignorant medical professionals.
Posted by Ginny Kubitz Moyer on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 7:16 PM (EDT):
Congratulations on your little grandbaby-angel! Many prayers that he grows healthy and strong and can come home soon.
Posted by Maria Ana on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 8:54 PM (EDT):
My baby was born at 28 weeks as well, which was quite a surprise, as my waters broke completely, and an emergency C-Section was needed. He too needed the oxygen mask, but not for long, and was in the NICU for 5 weeks. He is now 7 months and is doing very well. The NICU staff were wonderful, and I was fortunate to have the hospital lactation consultant work with me & baby once he was able to latch on. Upon leaving the hospital, I was comforted by knowing the staff would take excellent care of him, and I needed to keep myself as healthy and positive as possible, especially with 5 other children at home. Our parish Mom’s group & homeschooling group provided meals 3x a week for a few months, and my Mom stayed with us for the 5 weeks the baby was in the NICU. This support was invaluable, and I also learned humility - to ask for help when I needed it, and need it I did. Though I was getting decent rest, between pumpings, I still began to see signs of PPD, which I had experienced before. Fortunately, with the support of my husband, I got the help I needed and was still able to breastfeed. My prayers are with you and your family during this amazing time.
Posted by Momof2 on Monday, Sep 19, 2011 10:21 PM (EDT):
In January of 2009, my niece was born at 36 weeks in an emergency C-Section due to the fact that she had a large mass of blood vessels (medically known as “hemangioma”) multiplying on her liver…the size of a cantaloupe! Although she was born at 36 weeks, this mass of vessels was life-threatening and the doctors were unsure of how to proceed. They initially tried cutting off blood flow to the mass, hoping that this would cause the blood vessels to die and the mass to shrink. When this was unsuccessful, they realized that surgery was the only way to save my niece’s life. They had to remove 80% of her liver in order to remove the entire mass. Thankfully the liver is able to regenerate so her liver eventually grew back all the way. There are so many beautiful blessings that came from her birth. First of all, she was an unexpected 5th blessing to my sister and her husband. Then her birth brought all of us closer to God (most especially my sister and her hubby). We also experienced the outpouring of love, encouragement, support and prayers of so many people known to us personally and also known only to our friends and family members. So many people around the world prayed for my niece and our family. She was in the NICU for 3 months and, like your daughter, my sister dutifully pumped so that my niece could have the best food possible. Through my sister’s determination, my niece was eventually able to nurse after coming home from the hospital. Now my niece is 2 going on 3 and she loves to boss my almost 2 year old son around when they are together. She is a fighter to this day and is also one of the happiest, most smiley children I have ever encountered! God’s blessings on you and your family as you await the homecoming of your beautiful grandchild!
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