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Rebecca Teti is married to Dennis and has four children (3 boys, 1 girl) who -- like yours no doubt -- are pious and kind, gorgeous, and can spin flax into gold. A Washington, DC, native, she converted to Catholicism while an undergrad at the U. Dallas, where she double-majored in …
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Robyn Lee

Robyn Lee
Robyn Lee is a 30-something, single lady, living in Connecticut in a small bungalow-style kit house built by her great uncle in the 1950s. She also conveniently lives next door to her sister, brother-in-law and six kids ... and two doors down are her parents. She received her undergraduate degree from …
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Daria Sockey is a freelance writer and veteran of the large family/homeschooling scene. She recently returned home from a three-year experiment in full time outside employment. (Hallelujah!) Daria authored several of the original Faith&Life Catechetical Series student texts (Ignatius Press), and is currently a Senior Writer for Faith&Family magazine. A latecomer …
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Kate Lloyd

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As a wife and mother, writer and speaker, Lynn Wehner challenges others to see the blessings that flow when we struggle to say "Yes" to God’s call. Control freak extraordinaire, she is adept at informing God of her brilliant plans and then wondering why the heck they never turn out that …
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The Stranger in the Corner

Is he so bad?

A friend sent along one of those much-forward emails (the kind I tend to ignore)—but this one really caught my attention. Tell me what you think:

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger… he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn’t seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet.
(I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honour them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home - not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn’t permit the liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing..

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked… And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents’ den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?....
We just call him ‘TV.’

(Note: This should be required reading for every household!)
He has a wife now….we call her ‘Computer.’
Their first child is “Cell Phone”.
Second child “I Pod “

Now I try not to take the stance that television is inherently evil, but I this message resonates with me. For as much as we work to protect our kids and train them in the way they should go, the television sure creeps in and exposes them to a whole host of things I’d rather they not see. Even if you’re focused on the shows, there are still the commercials. It’s can be quite distressing. And the bottom line is that even when everything they’re watching is fine and good, it’s still time away from doing something better.

How do you deal with television viewing in your home? Do you have a good handle on it, or is it something you are having to battle—the unwelcome stranger in the corner?


Comments

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We got rid of our cable connection over a month ago and except for possibly once or twice, I don’t miss the intrusion into our lives. I really identified with the part where various things are invited into your home via television that wouldn’t otherwise EVER be happeningl We get 2 netflix movies a month, no streaming.

I was visiting a friend and her family at their hotel room and it struck me how riveted her children were by an insipid show focusing on rude teenagers (with no parents around, of course)... they were 8 and 6. Not really role models I want for my kids - there are better things to spend time on than wasting brain cells on such shows.

I don’t miss it. There are other ways to get news - if you can call TV news “news”... smile

 

We’re also without cable and get no reception from our old rabbit ears after the digital conversion. With only DVDs from the library and programs we stream online, we don’t miss regular TV at all.  Watching programs like this cuts down much of the advertising and it’s a lot easier to regulate what my kids are exposed too since you tend to be more deliberate about what you choose to put in the DVD player or stream online (like from Netflix).  I highly recommend discontinuing cable.  With other technology available, it’s not worth the montly payments to the cable company.

 

We got rid of our satellite over 5 years ago, and are out too far for regular channels.  I think the ads are horrible!
So many better choices of time!  We do have videos and a few DVDs—so it’s not like we never watch anything…but we decide WHAT and WHEN—very freeing!

 

We don’t have cable either.  I got rid f it when my oldest girls were about 5 and 6 because all they wanted to ever do was watch TV.  I have seven children now and they do watch TV every day a little bit (we have one of the digital boxes…it does not work half of the time!)  they usually watch right before nap, and the bigger kids watch an episode when they get home from school.  If the TV does come on in the evening (rare) we watch a show on PBS.  We also have netflix for movies and some live streaming which I do love, but it does not contain advertising and you can control what your kids are watching.  Life is just to short to waste so much of it in front of the TV!

 

We got rid of cable several years ago.  I keep up with a few cable shows by watching them online but generally we don’t miss it. We have a digital converter box so we can watch network TV and PBS and we get movies from the library a few times a month. The one time of year that I notice our family is “different” from other families with cable, is around the holidays. Since my kids aren’t exposed to a lot of commercials, when it comes to asking for presents from Santa, they rarely know what the newest toys are. We have to stroll through the store aisles to get an idea of what they might like.

 

Another thought on the instrusion of TV in our lives; besides exposing my kids to commercialism, my husband and I both noticed how we were sucked into shows that were contrary to our values. We would joke about it but watch them anyway, compartmentalizing the entertainment value from the moral decline they caused in our lives. Luckily we had the revelation that these shows were hurting our spirits and leading us away from our faith.

 

Shari, I think your comment speaks volumes:
“...compartmentalizing the entertainment value from the moral decline they caused in our lives.  Luckily we had the revelation that these shows were hurting our spirits and leading us away from our faith.”
I wish I could get my parents (esp. my father) to realize that.  There is no such thing as mindless entertainment, as my dad sometimes calls it.  The violence, rude behavior, crass language, hyper-consumerism, sexual perversion, etc. all sold as entertainment do have an effect on us.  We are kidding ourselves if we think we are above that, or too mature to be affected by it.  My siblings & I think it is making him tends towards being depressed. 

We have never allowed this “guest” to be in our home.  I find it sad when a family room/living room is set up so that all chairs, couches, eyes & attention are focused on that flat screen.  Personally, I think the TV can rob a home of its feeling of being a sanctuary & a place of peace.

 

Beautifully written!  Thank you!
I wish my Father would have known this, and I wish other members of our family would do this, as well….

 

We do have cable, but at this point my 3.5 year old son really doesn’t watch any TV, and we don’t watch it when he’s awake.  We did let him watch an occasional potty training DVD when he was potty training, and we watched a few Christmas DVDs with him at Christmas time.  When he gets older we’ll let him watch Veggie Tales and some children’s shows from EWTN.  I don’t know how we’ll handle it when he gets old enough to want to see the shows his friends are seeing.  Hopefully by then he’ll get used to the fact that the rules at our house are much different than the mainstream.  I don’t think TV is inherently bad, but at this point there are things I would rather he spend his time on.

 

We don’t have cable either. My dh would like to have it for hockey games, but to us it’s not worth the expense. We get the major networks through our antenna and also have Netflix. Our kids (3 and 1.5) don’t watch much at all, I try to limit to 1-2 hours a week. A movie or show is a treat for them. I grew up with the TV on all the time and I don’t want that for my kids, I think it hurts imagination and allows the wrong values to creep in. Even now it bothers me when I visit my parents and the TV is constantly on. Of all of us I am the most likely to want to throw on a show during my downtime, but DVD’s and Netflix fill that just fine.
The computer, on the other hand, is something dh and I both get easily sucked into. The kids are too young right now but as they grow we will really have to keep an eye on computer usage, both ours and theirs.

 

We have the most expensive cable subscription per minute watched in the city for all but one person in the house. I let the toddler watch a couple of PBS shows occasionally. We check the weather channel a couple of times a year. I watch as much as I can of the Olympics.

But my husband watches NFL games all day Sunday, Monday night, replays on the NFL channel Tuesday and Wednesday and the Thursday night game when it is on. Actually I should say he listens to most of that as background noise, while he works on the computer, twisting around to see a few plays. Most of the games are on after the kids are in bed (or at least upstairs) and he will turn it off in an instant if I want to talk to him. Except for his favorite team, for which he will rearrange his schedule so he can actually watch, he will also turn it off to play with the kids or run errands or do yard work. When it’s not football season he’ll turn on classic NFL games or watch DVDs while working on the computer. Given how many movies I can no id in only one line with my eyes closed I sometimes prefer the NFL.

 

We have basic cable, and I would get rid of it if my husband and boys could watch sports, practically, in some other way (crowding around the computer isn’t practical).  The only other TV channels that are regularly on are the 3 PBS stations.  We have a DVD player that streams Netflix, and my kids are only allowed to pull from our queue, unless I approve (and my knee-jerk answer is NO, until I can look at it).  The DVD players also streams the hockey channel…I keep hoping for a day when a cable subscription will be per channel with bundles of 5 (ESPN, ESPN2, History, TCM, EWTN).  We’ll get there eventually.  The TV is not evil, but I do think we need to be extremely cautious/limited in it’s use, and never assume anything is “safe”.  The hardest 6 months of my life were when my husband was deployed during football season and our TV happened to be in the basement rec room far away from me and the kitchen and the laundry.  I rely on my husband to mute or change the channel during commercial breaks, which are often the worst part of any game.

 

We have satellite, although the smallest package, and we still watch our TV regularly.  I would say the biggest change for us in TV use over time has been the quality of the shows we watch.  Quite frankly, I enjoy TV shows, and so does my husband.  We LOVE mysteries.  But instead of infusing ourselves with the constant, graphic violence or sexual imagery, we tend to be very picky about what we watch.  We’ve found hidden gems in shows like Masterpiece on PBS.  We now are renting back seasons of those mysteries (Foyle’s War is probably one of the most unknown BEST shows on television, about a police detective set in WWII).  My husband love reruns of Colombo and The Andy Griffith Show.  We also love Food Netowrk, and with those shows our whole family watches.  Our newest pleasure has been watching Wheel fo Fortune and Jeopardy each night with the kids.  I used to think game shows were corny, but oh my gosh, we have so much fun playing together and keeping score.

We also rent TV shows that are older-but-better.  We don’t like the new Disney channel shows out there, but we’ve rented the back seasons of The Cosby Show, Little House on the Prairie, and The Brady Bunch (yes, a bit corny, but we like it!).

And yes, my husband watches sports.  He’s excellent about keeping it in moderation.  And our boys love sports too.

We are probably never going to be the throw-the-TV-out-Catholic-family.  But I think God has truly blessed us over the years with the good judgement we need to make sure what we watch is edifying, even if it isn’t religious programming or EWTN-only.  I think balance is possible, and that to be a “good Catholic,” once doesn’t necessarily need to throw out the TV set.

I will say this- the DVR makes prudent TV-watching much more possible.  You can record the good and ignore the bad, and fast forwarding/muting/pausing commercials truly is a Godsend!

 

We’ve been watching Wheel of Fortune too! The kids try to solve the puzzles and even my 2 yo is starting to recogize letters. I’ll have to look for Little House on the Prairie- I bet my son would like that. Right now he’s watching the Partridge Family so he wants us to form a family band.

 

Just had to chime in about loving the Brady Bunch.  My favorite line is “mom always said, don’t play ball in the house”  The flower vase that got glued and starts leaking during dinner is priceless.  I like how clean the episodes are. No swearing or talking back.  I also got a DVD of andy griffith for my sons, thought they would like that also.  We have been watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy for a loong time.  I like college week because the questions are somewhat easier and the kids can answer more.

 

So glad you reminded me of Brady Bunch! I agree the DVR solves most of the problems. No commercials! They are the devil.

 

We didn’t have cable for about 10 years to save money and got it 6 months ago in a package to get cheaper long distance and computer.  We are ready to cancel!  Our TV is in the basement, where I rarely go.  Whenever I couldn’t find one of the kids this I will say it was an unusually hot summer here and the basement was cool!  My husband saved the punch card that shows my nine year old read only one book over the summer to remind him to cancel the cable.  I thought that I would enjoy watching EWTN, but because of the location of the TV I only watched it once on a Friday night.  Then I kept thinking that I would wait to cancel till after World Youth Day because the kids could watch that, and that would be a positive influence.  But now school and football has started and they don’t have any time for that.  Basically, it made me a worse mom - I was either ignoring what was going on in the basement or yelling at them to turn it off.  This was my own personal issue - I’m not saying everyone else has this problem.  When my kids were younger we did watch a fair amount of the educational shows for children and that was enough.  I couldn’t have lived without Mr. Rogers 15 years ago.    My kids are so much older now and there is really not enough on TV that I would want them to watch that they would also want to watch.  We used to rent the old TV shows from the library - maybe we will get back to that!

 

For those of you who said that you only have cable tv for the sports:  how do you filter out commercials in real-time games?

I’d love to find a way to accomodate my dear, hardworking husband’s love for sports…it’s the stuff that elbows its way in during halftime/between innings, etc.  Everything from scary movie previews to…just…everything! 

(Ex: we were at a relative’s house & a GOLF game was on - on a jumbo screen, no less - and my kids were caught frozen stiff at some stupid CAR commercial that was mimicking an apocalyptic-type scenario w/bombs, flames, scared people, etc…too much, too much!)

 

We have a dvr, so are able to pause commercials.  If you wait a little bit after a show starts, you can fast forward through them altogether.  best invention ever!  I agree that sports commcercials are the WORST.

 

There is a lot of dreck on TV and I don’t allow it to be on indiscriminately during the day in my house.  We use judgment to decide if a show is worthy of our time.  But TV in itself isn’t all bad.  If it wasn’t for TV, I wouldn’t have seen Blessed JP2 visit to NYC back in ‘95 when I was nursing a newborn, alone during the day and trying to get the new mom thing down.  I wouldn’t have caught EWTN’s “Journey Home” and “Mother Angelica Live” shows that impacted my faith in a positive way.  I wouldn’t have seen the horror of 9/11.  If we didn’t have TV, my daughters and I wouldn’t have seen the Royal Wedding this year, and oohhed and ahed together over the pretty dresses.  I wouldn’t have seen Diana’s funeral, JP2’s funeral and other cultural events that have happened during my lifetime.  I know a lot more about the judicial system by watching the OJ and Casey Anthony trials. I remember being homesick in France during a long summer visit and feeling comforted when I saw stories about the US on television.  It also helped me learn the French language more quickly.  I wouldn’t cut it out of my life altogether.

 

I agree with you - I always flip on the tv during some seismic event.  I couldn’t imagine not having one in my home. In fact, my brother worked at the White House and on 9/11 we knew that he was OK because he happened to be filmed running away from the White House and the newsreel just kept recycling the shot.  So before we heard his voice, we saw him on tv and knew he was fine.

 

We have cable, but as Marie stated, very expensive cable, for the amount of time we watch, and what we watch. Still, we believe it is worth the money. Our t.v. is turned on to only 4 channels: EWTN, The Weather Channel, Sprout, and Nick(only up to 9:30 am, when Dora is over). I love when my oldest daughter comes home from school and hurries up to do her homework so she can watch “her shows,” on EWTN Faith Factory. Or when my dd’s (7 & 3) ask if Faith Factory is on yet, on Sat. morning. It doesn’t come through very well (sound wise) on our computer, and the screen is too small to have the family watch shows together. We also watch educational, bible, and Veggie Tales videos. We are very selective about what our children watch and how much time they spend with the tv, but wouldn’t do without it because of the positive effect EWTN has had on our children and our family. As far as commercials, on Nick or Sprout, I’m usually in the room with my dd’s, and have control of the remote, so if I don’t like a commercial, I just switch it to the weather channel for a couple minutes then switch it back.

 

I feel like this should be rewritten for modern times- for the IPhone.  I think that’s more of an issue in our day.  Thankfully people can’t lug the giant screen tvs with them.  But, Iphones are stuck on people.

(I hope I don’t sound ‘holier than thou’.  I know not everyone is addicted to their Iphones.  And not everyone has one…including me.  It’s just a little distressing to see adults ignoring their children in favor of their phones.  Especially in nature, or at dinner with with their kids.  I saw one kid nearly crack his head open because the child’s dad would not look up from his Iphone while the kid pleaded for his dad to pay attention.  The child then slipped on pop and hit his head on the floor.  He was trying to tell his dad he spilled it.)

 

We don’t have tv but I still feel like my kids get too much screen time.  They watch movies or play wii or computer games.  I hate it because they could be playing with each other or playing outside.  I crack down and limit it but it’s really hard to monitor for lots of different kids who got how much.  There is so little that is actually worth wasting the time on!

 

I’m really interested in reading the book “Alone Together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other” by Sherry Turkle.


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