At this point in my life I don’t have much of a problem saying no (homeschooling mom of 8 with an infant fussy every evening…I can’t even say yes right now to a long overdue haircut )  But at times in my life when I do have to slow down I I am reminded of 2 very wise priests (don’t remember who).  One said, “The devil doesn’t only catch you doing wrong, he also catches you doing too much good (i.e. spread too thin)”.  The other won’t allow any of his married parishioners to volunteer for things at church and be away from home more than 2 evenings a week.

Wow real mom, thanks for sharing the wisdom from those two priests… the second reminds me of a friend who says of “church ladies” who overcommit: “She’s so heavenly minded that she’s no earthly good…”
Hope you get that haircut soon!

I love your notion of “antiques” - the to-dos that simply move from month to month and never get done! I have far too many of these in my planner, and they frustrate me. But last night my brother and I were talking about his decision to not go to business school, after years of talking about getting his MBA. We agreed that not acting on something is, in fact, making a decision about it - even though it feels like we’re just putting off a decision. So when I look at my recycled to-do list, what does it tell me about how and where I’m choosing to spend my time, rather than making time for the things I supposedly want to do?

Hi! I am new to the blog and enjoy reading it everyday. I once read about how being ‘busy’ stood for Being Under Satan’s Yoke. It’s one thing to be busy at home for your spouse and family, and at work outside the home, but quite another when you begin doing too much else and the family suffers because of the added stress you feel. We have to know when enough is enough and discern that through only prayer!

Thank you, Lisa, for this timely topic. I have a dayplanner stuffed full of those carryover items, 5 baskets in the attic (hidden just prior to company coming) of papers I want (thought need) to do something with. Guess if they are up there and have been for awhile (the newest basket joined the group 2 weeks ago) then how urgent or important can any of it be?
But I too feel optimistic that when I just get to these things, all will be better. Except I rarely ever do.
Thanks for the idea to make Lent a time to cut loose those carryovers, and/or create the pile of Not Going To Do so just toss it in a bag for recycled paper! Plus to focus on what I DID think was a priority - like getting a will done!!!

Here’s my beef:  I, the busy homeschooling mom, is constantly being asked to do volunteer work.  I know plenty of other moms who also are faced with many continual volunteer requests.  I have no idea why the parish and other entities don’t call the seniors and empty-nesters do this work.  On my street there are a dozen retirees and empty-nesters who putz around their houses working on their lawns and gardens.  Sometimes they come up to me if they see me outside to chit-chat (which I don’t have much time for).  These people need companionship and something to do.  I don’t know why they don’t take the initiative to do volunteer work but I wish the organizations that need help would find a way to connect with these people.  I do some volunteer work, and so do my kids, but I am maxed out and cannot do any more than I am doing.  Some day, when I am an empty-nester, I can do more but my priorities right now are with my family.  I think in the old days older ladies used to do more of the volunteer work than they do now.

I was at a political event a few years ago with the former governor of California (Pete Wilson).  I had been a volunteer and an intern in high school and college on his campaigns as well as in the Governor’s office, so I introduced myself.  I’ll be honest, I then felt a little embarrassed as he asked me what I was now doing.  I stay at home with my kids to run the house and take care of them.  Not for one moment would I choose differently, but it was quite a different thing telling the Governor this!  But he told me that was the smartest thing I could be doing at this time of my life.  He told me,  “My wife has a saying, as she is often asked how she does it.  She says, ‘you can do it all, but you can’t do it all at once’.”

This is so true, and like you, I am also taking stock of my life this year.  4 kids just made everything busier, my time more precious.  I had to re-evaluate my commitments and let go of those things that I felt were not adding value not just to my life, but to my entire family.  I have things I want to accomplish in life, and many things left I would like to do.  But God-willing, I have a lifetime to do these things.  Right now I need to take care of what is most important, and that is my husband, my children and our home.  Those are my priorities.  If something were to happen to me tomorrow, I want to be at peace with knowing that THEY did not get neglected by me.  They are my vocation.  I think sometimes the pressure we feel is applied by no one other than ourselves - WE want to do it all, and do it all right now.  Once we let go of that pressure and prioritize our lives, we can be at peace with saying “no” once in a while (especially knowing that some of those “no’s” are simply “not right now’s”).

I DID finally catch up on my emails.  I think I had over 11,000 in my inbox.  Frankly I deleted 99.9% of them.  I used late pregnancy insomnia to knock off that embarrassing task.  Now I’m down to about 20 a day, much more manageable even if I miss a couple of days.  Other than that, I don’t have a problem saying no.  I don’t want to live overextended.  I have five children age 10 and younger, these days of having everyone at home are not going to last forever.  Parish bake sales will still be around in a decade or two.

I suffer from over commitment syndrome too—something I’ve learned in the past few years is to run anything that would be a time commitment by my husband. For some reason, he can “see” my schedule/frame of mind better than I can. I’ll ask him about something I’m thinking about taking on, and he gives me an honest response. This works WONDERFULLY for me.