If it wasn’t for blogs and other Catholic forums, I would just about feel like I was the only Catholic mother that was trying to follow all the teachings of the church and guide my children to do the same.

Do other mothers feel like this? I don’t really worry about this for myself but I worry about my children believing we are too different and rejecting our beliefs if that makes any sense.

Please say a prayer for our family today. Both my husband and I recently lost our jobs and we are expecting our third child (I am 24 weeks) and we have a special needs child. My husband has been putting off telling his father and step-mother because they were always against us having more than two children and only see children as a running tab. He finally told his mother last weekend who seemed happy, but I’m sure is concerned. We also lost our health insurance so I am sure the announcement of this baby will bring more negativity and angst than our new son deserves. Please pray that my in-laws hearts be opened and that they will feel the joy of another grandson.

Does anyone have any advice on getting your spouse to go to counseling?  He has a whole host of issues and possible mental illness, and refuses to get any help.  Our marriage problems which are getting worse by the day, can never be resolved in my opinion, until he gets mentally healthy.  He does not agree, and is very stubborn.  Has anyone been in a similar situation, and had success with either getting their husband to go alone, or to go as a couple?

Anon,
Prayers for you today, especially to St.Joseph and Mary who know so well what facing uncertainty and difficult circumstances is like.

Good Morning, all!  Anyone else ready for Spring??

I have a question about my boys playing habits.  They are 2,5, 7, and 8 and all they play is guns and battle.  My father bought them all toy rifles that look very real, and for months now, they literally wake up and immediately throw their guns over their shoulders.  It’s all day war scenes, only stopping for school, meals and bed.  I never had a problem wih their sword play - they are big fans of Narnia Chronicles - it seemed a natural boy thing, but I have always been leary about gun play.  Then last night, my 2 year old held up his brother’s gun to my husband’s step-father, pulled the trigger, and said “You’re dead”.  The man was horrified!
I would really like some input.  Am I seeing too much into it, or should I hang up the guns for a while?

Fed up,
Going to counseling against his will isn’t likely to reap great benefits.  Perhaps you should go alone to find a way to better handle your situation and possibly gain insight into the issues.  Prayer and fasting for him is probably the best thing you can do for him until he is ready to seek help of his own volition.  You need support so don’t deny yourself the benefits of counsel, either with your priest or a counselor.

#1 Therese…I feel the very same way & have been struggling w/this for a long time.  It’s so so hard for me b/c my husband doesn’t share our faith (he was confirmed but will not go to Mass or anything) so it’s up to me to raise 3 boys and one girl w/only me as their faith example in the home.  I worry about the boys seeing their father stay home every Sunday morning (especially the 17 yr old!) but I keep thinking of St. Monica & all she went through too.

I’m not sure I have any ideas to offer you but I can offer you my prayers and ask that you keep us in yours as well.  The lure of the world is very scary…

May God bless all of you today in whatever your needs are.
I am working on a small quilt for a friend of mine. Each of her children will have a patch with their names and hand prints. She has also had 2 miscarriages. I would like to include a patch for both of them with their names and a short verse possibly about angels in heaven. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions? Thank you so much for your help.

Elizabeth,

On some levels their male bravado is cute, but I understand your concern.  Have you considered having a “gun” time out?  If the boys are becoming too one sided in their play, possibly they need to take a break from it.  You might also lay down definite ground rules for their gun play with clear consequences for breaking those rules. One I would absolutely consider is that they never point their guns at people.

To Therese, does your Parish have a mom’s group? If not, maybe you can start one (really easy, jutst need a regular time and place to have it like a playgroup). We strated one about 6 years ago and it has been a great Blessing, getting me together with other Catholic moms on a regular basis for faith formation and fellowship, and the kids got to know others who were more “like them”

To anon: I will say a Prayer to St. Joseph for you today. We have been in similar situations, and somehow God always provides. 6 years ago when I was expecting my 2nd, we had no jobs and minimal health insurance (no maternity) when out of the blue my husband got a new job with great insurance 3 weeks before my due date. We had already pre-paid the hospital for the delivery on a credit card we couldn’t pay, and we got it all back! I will pray that your family’s needs are provided for, and hearts open as well.

Therese, I too felt and still feel sometimes like how you’re feeling.  By the grace of God I had a mom(who I knew, but not really well) from our parish ask me if I would be interested in coming to their Schoenstatt group at her house.  We get together at her house once a month doing a pot luck when we first get there.  We bring our daughters and any other children if we have/want to and a couple Schoenstatt sisters come and talk with us and our daughters.  Their is an actual program for the girls which they do in a separate area.  All of these moms are good Catholic moms who believe in life(so there can be a lot of kids sometimes!-it’s fun!) and living truly Catholic lives.  I would think that in every parish their must be some faithful Catholic moms like yourself.  Maybe you all could start a group of your own.  We only meet once a month but the connection lasts and I learn so much and I don’t feel as alone anymore.  Plus my daughter gets to hang out with and see that their are lots of other kids/families just like us.  Not sure if that helps, but I hope it does.  I’ve felt just like you say.  I will pray for you.

Anon….I will pray for you and your family!

Therese….Yes, it is hard, isn’t it.  We as a family aren’t perfect and try not to judge others, but it is a cruel world out there at times trying to carry out our beliefs. 

Does anyone have any ideas on where I can get a nice, simple, First Communion dress online that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg?  I am struggling to find something simple. I want something with sleeves and not too “wedding looking”.  Thanks in advance.

About groups for Moms, here is one idea…As a teacher and the Religion coordinator at our parish school, I began a prayer group for the Moms (and Grandparents and Dads, too).  We would meet one morning a week for prayer and share some coffee afterward.  We named the group CLASS (Catholics Lifting All Students Spiritually).  Each grade has their own prayer intention notebook that they write in.  As part of the meeting, these prayers are read and prayed for by the group.  At our Friday school Mass, the petition books are brought up at the Offetory and placed near the Altar.  Another part of the group is to choose a faculty member or one of our priests to receive extra prayers for that week.  They write a note or a card letting them know that prayers are lifted up for them that week.  Through the years it has grown and now also includes several of our local home-school groups.  Many friendships have started through the group, and the parents are able to offer each other support.  I just wanted to share the idea…

Due to my husband’s commission being cut in half because of the economy, I need to find a job.  I haven’t really worked in 15 years.  I am trying to do a resume and am having a really hard time figuring out what to say in it.  Can you lovely ladies help me come up with a job description for stay-at-home mom?

ANON (re: Miscarriage memory)
I think it is so wonderful that you are remembering your friends babies who died in her belly.  Sometimes people think “miscarriage” means “she didn’t have the baby” when in fact the baby was delivered. How about “In God’s Loving Arms”, “Always In Our Hearts”, “We’ll Hold You In Heaven”, “In The Arms of Angels”, “Cradled in Angels Arms” “Angel in our Hearts”....these are just some ideas.  I have had 2 of my babies die and I know if I were your friend, it would mean the world to me that you remembered my babies in heaven.

Elizabeth,

I’d really appreciate prayers for my son.  He’s unemployed, feels friendless, and sees no hope for a marriage in the future, although he says he feels called to marriage, not the priesthood.  He’s very tentative about approaching new things and this has caused him to not follow up on some possible opportunities.  It feels like he’s a turtle pulling more and more back into his shell with every passing day.  I’d recommend he see a doctor for possible medication, but he’s absolutely opposed to drugs.  The only avenue that seems to be open to us at this point is prayer.  He is in the midst of a job application process at the moment.  Please pray that he will actually manage to see it through and that they will give him a chance.  He’s a really intelligent, talented guy, but so far no one has been willing to take a chance on him because he doesn’t have experience.

Dear #8 anon:
What a thoughtful way for you to memorialize all your friend’s children, including those she lost to miscarriage.  We know from personal experience that this loss is very real & that these children are still very much a part of our family.  Here are a few ideas for Scripture verses:

“...Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” (Mark 10:14)

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father.”  (Matthew 18:10)

Since the angels are pure spirits & since we are both body & spirit, I personally have never felt comfortable referring to the child we lost to miscarriage as an angel.  I do pray & trust in the mercy of God that this child, though unbaptized, is in His loving care.

I will offer up prayers for all those who are dealing with financial struggles today.

I would like to know what internet filters families use to help keep the internet safe for their kids.

Okay that was weird!  Let’s try again!

My boys are the same ages as yours.  While we do not have anything but toy lightsabers and swords, they still make guns out of sticks, Knex, anything that they can find.  We have had rules about only shooting aliens and dinosaurs, but as they have gotten older they are insistent that they get the bad guys.  Fortunately thus far, no actual person wants to be a bad guy!  And since we attended our air show, the fort periscope has become an anti-aircraft gun!

I am not sure there is a sure solution to this.  My question is:  how much should we curb this?  Boys since the beginning of time have played weapons.  We want them to develop empathy for others and not desire to harm, yet at the same time cultivate that masculine need to protect.  Where is the line, I wonder?  Just my own pondering!  I know that there is a whole line of thinking on the issue!

Elizabeth - I deal with this issue by allowing the boys only “guns” that don’t look like real guns.  They have nerf-shooters and ball-shooters.  They have foam arrows they use outside. They have squishy balls to throw at each other.  They have foam swords. And of course, they have ssquirt guns.  But they are not allowed to point anything at an adult or someone who is not playing with them.

You are the parent.  If someone gives a gift you don’t approve of you are under no obligation to allow the child to have it.  And you have every right to take away toys as you see fit.  We get lots of toys from well-meaning friends and relatives that never make it into our kids hands.

#17 - Encourage your son to take the Dale Carnegie Course.  I taught it for 10 years and it is amazing what transformations occur during the 13 week course.  He would certainly grow in confidence & gain more interpersonal skills.  It’s not a Christian program per se, but I can tell you, after having worked there in sr management, many, many good Christians work there & he might even grow in faith.  It’s also an excellent way to network for jobs.

Cynthia (#12)...I’m not sure what your budget is, and I haven’t had to do any First Communion dress shopping yet, but you might want to try http://www.mygirldress.com . They have lots of options in different price ranges and aren’t too “wedding-y” and are also modest. They also sell veils for First Communion.

Does anybody know if you can take regular multivitamins whilst breastfeeding or can they harm the baby. The advise is always to continue prenatal vitamins, but I was wondering if that really applies to extended breastfeeding. I will ask my pediatrician soon, but just wondered if any other extended breastfeeding moms know the answer to this.

To W1MS,
I second the Dale Carnegie class!  The book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” changed my life.  I was recovering from a terrible break up and couldn’t get past my grief, until a friend gave me that book.  I reread it every couple of years just to keep it fresh.

To Therese re: children and faith,
All we can do for our children (besides having them baptized and prepare them for the sacraments) is to pray for them.  There are plenty of examples out there about children from pious families who reject their faith as adults.  But, there are also plenty of examples of children from ordinary families who embrace the faith as adults.
As a cradle Catholic, I have learned so much about my faith as an adult by watching EWTN esp. Coming Home with Marcus Grody.  I spent most of my life in Catholic schools and I am surprised by how little I learned and how little it mattered to me when I was in high school and college.  It really wasn’t until I had children that I began to take my faith more seriously.  That, was the Grace of God, and lots of prayers for me by my parents.

Marianne #24 - I’ve not taken prenatal vitamins during my last two pregnancies & throughout breastfeeding them.  When I went for my initial OB appts. for both, I had already been taking a women’s daily multivitamin (store brand One-a-Day) & supplementing w/ another 400 mcg of folic acid.  My doctor said that was fine to continue.  My babies & I have had no problems, but I would still check w/ your own doctor just to be sure it is okay for you.

Elizabeth #5 - could you maybe discourage gun play by introducing them to something else they could take an interest in?  ie pirates, indians, etc?  Get books out pf the library on Indians, how they lived, hunted for food, fictional stories, etc.  I think Usborne has a book on how to make their weapons - bows and arrows to practice shooting at targets, slingshots, etc.  At their ages, they’d take pride in making them themselves.  A blog I love that might help (she has sons with ages very close to your boys’) is: http://blueyonder.typepad.com/my_weblog/

For swordplay, there are lots of eras/cultures you could introduce.  I loved “Outlaws of Ravenhurst”  - a completely Catholic male adventure book about a young Catholic American boy who learns he’s a Scottish nobleman and must defend his Catholic family (and country) against his relatives who would take away all Catholic’s rights.

Hope this helps!

Anon #17 - Has your son tried online catholic dating, such as Catholic Match.com or Ave Maria Singles? I know Fr. Benedict Grochel is a big supporter of them, as his sister met her hubby on Ave Maria.  I met my own husband nearly 5 years ago on Catholic Match  

It can be a good way to “meet” other busy working Catholics in your area and around the country, even world.  Writing email letters can also be less intimidating than immediate contact dating.  It also has a run down of the basic Catholic beliefs so you can know their views on the biggest issues upfront (contraception, abortion, papal infallibility, etc).

About the boys and their weapons, one thing I have done is really emphasize the virtues of valor and courage and protection of innocents and the vulnerable - I enourage play where he “saves” his younger siblings, we note the virtue shown, when as in the Chronicles of Narnia, the good guy doesn’t kill the bad guy when he has him pinned in a sword fight.  I bet you can find good stories in your library about noble warriors and emphasize that good guy/bad guy dynamic.  I think it is actually good for our boys to be allowed to have that kind of play, when it is framed within the walls of virtue.

Also, everyone with a boy, read “Boys Adrift” by Dr. Leonard Sax.  It changes everything.

About guns,

My sons ,now 15 and 12, have many gun collecting relatives. ( my one brother and cousin who was raised by my parents are both Sergeants for different Sheriff’s departments) Because of this there have been many toy guns gifted to them through the years.My husband and I have always taught them respect for guns. That is any gun toy or real. (I once heard of a young boy shooting and killing his sister because he didn’t realize that the gun was not a toy.) My husband and I set rules ( no pointing a gun at anyone and such )and if a rule gets broken, guns get taken away. These rules have worked well as the boys have gotten Pellet guns and air rifles as they have gotten bigger . The fifteen year old has already gotten a couple hunting guns recently and both boys were just given the choice of a gun from Grandpa’s collection.  ( Grandpa wanted them to have them while he is still young enough to go shooting with them)
I would never ban guns from any child as they just make them more fascinating ( As with the building them with Lego sets. sticks, etc) and if they are fascinated and see one unsupervised, and have no idea how to respect it or worse yet think it’s a toy, bad things can happen.
I would start by explaining that some guns are not toys and teaching a respect . During this learning time, guns would only be available for supervised play. If one rule gets broken( by any child)  guns are put up. Eventually they will understand.

Just a little note about boys and gun play…my husband tells me stories about he and his friend building guns out of Construx which actually shot pieces when they were young.  He said their games usually ended up with someone getting hurt, arguing, and physically fighting each other.  As a mom, this sounds terrible to me.  However, my husband grew up and joined the military and his friend is now a cop; both sworn to serve and protect.  The playing came first, and the virtue came later.  (I do think that setting up rules and emphasizing the heroism of protecting the helpless are very good ideas though.)

Also, does anyone know of a Catholic online store that sells gifts for children specific to the Eastern Rites?

Does anyone have any ideas for small inexpensive Easter gifts that could be taken to a nursing home for the residents ? Candy is out because of diatary issues. I thought of prayer cards but many are small print which doesn’t work well. Any ideas ?

Re: husband going to counseling.  That is such a tough situation, because going to counseling requires the person to open up, and a person who is dragged won’t open up.  Do other family members see what you see in him?  Like his mother, father, siblings (not yours, that will backfire) or maybe his best friend?  If so, he may take the suggestion from them.  If there is turmoil between you at the moment, maybe you could bring in the other loved ones who know about his situation and they can tell him what their concerns are for his wellbeing!

Diane
How about homemade gifts like you can find at oriental trading company. They have inexpensive religious crafts that the children could put together.

Praying for all of you, please pray for my teens.

I will prayer for all of you struggling with difficult situations.

My question is not very weighty- any recommendations on baby carriers?  I have used a Maya Wrap sling for three babies, and I do like it, but I’d like to try something new for the baby due in March.  Maybe I just want to buy _something_ for this baby since we have all the baby gear/clothes we need! 

A friend recommended the Moby wrap, but that looks confusing to me.  I’ve heard the Mei tei carriers are nice, but can you nurse a baby in those?  What do you ladies recommend?

Sarah L.
I made one of these with the instructions on the web site. http://www.mykarmababy.com/pages/BabySlingPattern.php
You can also buy one. I loved it and could do a lot with my baby in it. Even nursed him invisibly in it while shopping!

#14 Andi, when composing your resume, do not put your employment history at the top.  Instead, place a “Skills Summary” section at the beginning.  List any specific skills you have, such as proficiency in Microsoft Office, other computer programs, foreign language capability (if applicable), etc.  This will draw potential employer’s attention to your abilities, not your 15-year absence from the job market.  Create a section for your volunteer activities.  List any volunteer organizations with which you have been involved.  That work is still valuable to employers because it shows initiative, leadership, and organization. Place your employment history towards the bottom of the resume. 

Practice your interviewing skills with someone who has hiring experience.  It will help you feel more confident in an actual interview situation.  When you are asked about your absence from the workforce, simply state that you took time off to raise a family.  No need to get defensive or justify your decision.  Simply answer the question, and then make a statement such as “and now I am very excited about this new phase in my life” or something like that. 

A website that you might find helpful is www <dot> momcorps <dot> com.  It helps match moms returning to the workforce with potential employers.  Best of luck in your search.

I do recommend the Mei Tei.  I love mine and would carry my bean around the playground while helping her big brother climb, swing and slide away   I have never tried nursing in it, so not really sure about that aspect.  Is there a baby gear store near you that you could maybe try it out at?

Dear FED UP:  FIND OUT IF YOUR HUSBAND IS EMOTIONALLY STABLE, NOT ONLY FOR YOUR MARRIAGE BUT FOR THE CHILDREN YOU MAY HAVE.
IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN YOU MAY WANT TO PRAY ABOUT TELLING YOUR HUSBAND YOU WILL SEEK AN ANNULMENT BASED ON HIM POSSIBLY BEING “EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.”  This is no joke and I do not put this forth lightly:  I have a extended family member who is emotionally unstable and believe me you do not
want to live like that for the next 50 or so years.
signed: 51 years old and seen it happen.  God Bless you.

Re: #5 Elizabeth— I have 2 boys one being 15, who obviously no longer plays with toy guns but used to, the other is 5 and does play with toy guns.  We have rules about not being able to point at people or pretend to shoot people.  If he breaks the rules the guns get taken away for a period of time.  My husband is a hunter, so we have hunting rifles in the house and our 15 year old has started to go hunting with him.  We have always taught our children not touch the gun without my husband there allowing it and also you never point a gun at anything you don’t intend to shoot.  We teach them gun safety, answer any questions that they have, and have even taken them target shooting with a light powered gun.  Even our 11 yo daughter and I have gone target shooting.  When target shooting they have specific rules about handling the gun which even the 5 yo follows.  I feel if you ban playing with guns completely it only makes them more curious.  But if you set rules about what you will allow, teach them safety and explain what a gun can do they won’t be tempted to break the rules.  I agree with #29 that we need to teach that some guns are not toys and what to do if they are at someones house and a friend takes one out to show them.  We have taught our children if that should happen leave the room right away and get an adult.  I hope this helps.

I will also be praying for everyone who has requested them here.  I also ask for prayers for the family of our good friend who passed away this past weekend from pancreatic cancer.  He leaves behind a wife and 3 children. 

God Bless

I got so busy writing my response that I forgot to ask my question.

I have an 8-mo son who refuses to take a nap.  He sleeps great at night, usually for 11 or 12 hours.  During the day, however, he refuses to take a nap.  He will scream in his crib for 30 minutes, and I give up and go get him.  Even when I nurse him to sleep, the moment I put him down, he wakes up.  Is it possible that he really doesn’t need a nap?  He is a generally happy, good-natured baby and does not “act tired” much during the day.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Fed Up:

My brother had mental issues that were really terrible. Of course he would not seek help because that was part of the mental problem…he didn’t think he had one. Another sibling was able to convince him to go to a doctor, told him they’d go to a movie afterward. We found out the mentally ill brother had Schizophrenia! He wouldn’t take his medicine for a long time. He finally did and is much better now. Long story…

Clearly, you’ll need to separate if there is ANY kind of danger. Otherwise, maybe you could get someone that he looks up to to help him get to a doctor.

Try this site for help: http://www.nami.org/

God bless you! You’re in my prayers today!

RTS

I’m currently expecting our third and will have 3 under 2.5yrs old.  My oldest is very excited about his new sibling, but I need ideas for helping our youngest transition.  She’s 13mo old and quite the Daddy’s Girl.  Anything we can do to help her trasition from being the baby go smoothly?

raygun,
My theory is, if they are tired they will sleep. They will let you know if they are tired or not. If it is a child that you know does better with a nap, then obviously put them down, but if the baby doesn’t seem to be tired or need the nap, then don’t stress over it. Life is too short, just enjoy your happy baby! The next one might not be so happy! lol!

Was anyone else mortified by the Doritos commercials for the Super Bowl? And does anyone know where to voice a complaint that will actually be heard?

To raygun:  Could you try putting your 8-month-old in the crib with the light on (or curtains open and sunlight coming in) with a few baby-safe toys (stacking rings, snap lock beads, etc.) and a monitor on or the door open?  Maybe if he thinks he doesn’t have to go to sleep, he will settle down and play by himself and may actually fall asleep.  I wouldn’t think an 8-month-old would be ready to give up his nap…

Thank you to everyone for the advice on toy guns.  We have three boys (4, 2 & 5 mos) and this is starting to be an issue with the oldest.  Though we don’t have any toy guns in the house, he uses his hand or arm and emulates older cousins who are familiar with toy guns.

I am offering prayers to everyone here who is requesting them.  God Bless you all!

I need some ideas!
Background: We just had our sixth baby last June (B).  Our second youngest (E) will be 4 next month.  We have slept with all our babies, but usually get them into thier own bed before the new baby arrives.  We did this with E. 
Problem: A month before B was born, E decided that she needed to get up several times a night to use the potty—sometimes every 40 minutes.  Sometimes we make her take herself, but then she needs to be tucked in.  This has been going on for 9 months.  I took her to the doctor to see if she had an infection.  She is physically healthy.  On the rare occasion that she spends the night in our bed (when dh is out of town), she only wakes up once or not at all to use the potty.
How do we get her to stop waking us up?  We are sooooo tired.
We have tried night lights, sleeping with a sibling, her sleeping on our floor, sleeping with a special stuffed animal, bribary, reward charts, and yes even yelling. She is very different from her older siblings.  We can’t figure out what works for her.  Any suggestions?  Please?

Just found out this morning I’m expecting #3, ‘though I’d been having symptoms of menopause for several months. Good news, but please remember me in your prayers today! Previous pranancies have been difficult.

Sarah L.—

I highly recommend the Ergo. You can carry the baby on your front, back, or hip and it can hold up to 40 lbs. I nurse my daughter it in nearly every day. I do have to support my breast so that it is at the right level for her mouth, but it works great for being out and about. You do need the infant insert for when the baby is tiny, although I could never really get it to work that well. Once baby can hold his/her head up well, then you don’t need the insert anymore. For us that was at about 2 months. Before that I used a moby-type wrap. Good luck!

Barbara,
Sounds to me like maybe she is jealous of B. If she is worried or insecure about the baby taking her place, maybe this is what is causing the nighttime problems. Every child has their own way of acting out when they feel insecure or left out. Even my 15 year old acted weird after our latest child was born (go figure)! Maybe she needs to be reassured of her place in the family.