I was wondering if anyone had any ideas of Catholic ways to celebrate the New Year with children.

Well January 1 is a holy day of obligation, so if you take your kids to mass you would be covered!We don’t do anything specifically “Catholic” for new years day. We usually visit family or have them here (to see the tree before it dries up). We do more with Epiphany. I am going to do a little star craft with my younger boy and with my CCD kids on Jan.4.

This is hard but I woke up this morning with an insight about how my molestation as a child is still deeply impacting me some 35 years later.  I’m sitting here with tears flowing not knowing what to do with all these feelings.  I’m lucky my kids are too young to realize Mom is a blithering idiot right now.  What do I do now?

On New Years eve we all write down predictions that will happen in the following year. It can be anything from family to politics to prices of things. Then they are kept secret and put in a sealed envelope until the next New Years day when we open them and read them finding out which came true.

Anon-
I will pray for you today please know you are not alone everyone has something in their past. Please find a good counselor to work this all out. One year ago my husband told me something about his past and although it has been hard we are stronger for dealing with it. Hang in there and pray.

Anon—You are in my prayers!

I face the new year realizing that this is the year we will probably lose my Papa, Papa Sr. to my kids.  My oldest is 5 and that is who I am worried about.  We have talked about people getting old and dying.  He know they go to be with Jesus, etc.  I’m looking for advice about how to handle it with him when it actually happens.  Do I take him to the wake, funeral, etc?  How do I balance my grieving and his needs?  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks!

Dearest Anon,
My heart goes out to you.  I have walked in your path and I know your pain. Take heart, the memories comes forth when your body, emotions, and mind are ready to deal with this. Finding a good counselor is very important. Is there a good friend nearly who can come be with you today?
In the meantime, call upon our Blessed Mother. She will hold you in her arms and wrap you in her mantle of love.  Tears are cleansing and good. Also ask your guardian angel to be especially close to you right now. Take slow deep breaths into your belly - breathing in God’s healing love, exhale slowly releasing the pain and sorrow. Your angel will take that negative energy and dispose of it. God’s healing love is always available with every breath we take.
The worst is over - you have survived the ordeal. You did not deserve to have that happen to you. It was not your fault. Now comes the healing. I know it is painful, and the release can be a bumpy road, but take heart that by releasing the pain you are being filled with more and more love and true peace.
Be gentle and loving with yourself. I hold you in thought and prayer today and in the days ahead.

Nella,
My father passed away suddenly last February.  He had a massive heart attack.  My youngest child was 5 at the time.  The children (including nieces and nephews ranging in age from 13 to 2) handled it all very well.  They were brought to the hospital, to the wake, funeral and burial.  As death is a natural part of life, we did not want to exclude them from any part of process.  It was definately harder for the adults.  I would suggest having some back up plan (ie babysitting) available for the younger ones as the events can be exhausting.  Trust that you will know how to handle it when it comes.

Anon…you have my prayers.  I am so sorry you have to experience such pain.  Just remember that Jesus’ love is bigger than all of our suffering.

I would like to ask for prayers, too.  We are moving Jan 2.  We had leased with an option to buy our home, but the owner let it go to foreclosure.  It is hard financially because he has not returnes our deposit.  And to add to this, I am prepping for a autologous stem cell transplant.  Right now I feel so tired and ill the thought of moving is so overwhelming.  Pleae pray that I will have the strength that I need and that somehow we will have the money necessary for our move.  Thank you and God bless!

Hello, ladies!  Does anyone have any opinions on the Aerobed?  My in-laws are coming for a week visit to see our new baby (not born just yet), and I want them to be comfortable.  Thanks for any advice you can give!

Nella,
When my husband’s grandmother died, our kids were 4 and 2, we also took them to the hospital, the wake and the funeral.  They were a blessing to their great grandmother as she seemed happy to see them while at the hospital. They handled everything really well, they looked at everything as a normal family gathering (a time to see the extra etended family).  Later I happened upon them “playing” wake.  (They took turns lying on the couch with hands folded.)  That was their way of processing it.  They are now 14 and 12 and don’t remember much about it.

We’re making a family time capsule on New Year’s Day.  That and other family friendly New Year’s activities can be found here:  http://amysfinerthings.com/new-years-activities-for-the-whole-family

Nella,
We have children who are 6,5,4, and 1 1/2.  We have attended funerals with and without them.  When we attended without, it wasn’t to spare them from the sadness of the event, it was to keep them from the exhaustion that can come with travel and a long day. 

When my oldest daughter was one, her great-great grandmother died and we took her along to the funeral.  My own grandmother said that it was good to hear my daughter’s little chattering behind her in church; it reminded her that there was promise for life to continue. 

We teach our children that death is a natural part of life.  This is easier when the deceased has reached an older age.  We teach them that it’s okay to miss people who have died but we joyfully look forward to joining them in Heaven someday. 

God bless your family!

My heart and prayers go out to all those in need and suffering today.

I have a question that was posed to me by two recent converts to the church. Friends of mine who came into the church this past Easter are getting married next summer. Their families are not Catholic and both of their parents are divorced and remarried. After finding out around Thanksgiving that all of the parents and step-parents wanted to light the unity candle (that would be 8 adults) the couple decided rather than upset anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings (it was also made clear that feelings would be hurt over not being “chosen” ) they would not have a unity candle. The problem they are now facing is that their priest told them that the unity candle was a part of the rite of matrimony and could not be excluded. Does anyone know if that is true?

I will be the first one to say the parents should be the first ones to put aside their ill will and come together for their children, but having married someone whose parents are divorced, I also know there is nothing like a wedding to bring out old hurt feelings and resentment. And I think a unity candle is a beautiful symbol of families coming together but I had never heard of it being a part of the actual rite of matrimony. My priest is out of town for two weeks or I would have called and asked. 

Does anyone know?

Prayers to those of you in need of them today!

Any thoughts on getting along with your mother, a non-Christian, when she says and does things around your young children that aren’t necessarily “wrong,” but that you would never do yourself or encourage?  We just had a week with her here and while I love her dearly, it’s so hard for me to be charitable towards her when her behavior with my daughter is driving me crazy.  We’ve never been particularly close and I worry a great deal about coming across as being too critical or “holier than thou” since I have become Christian and joined the Church. I know that this is just the way she knows to love my daughter (and baby soon-to-arrive) and her role as grandmother (with ours being the only grandchildren) is VERY important to her right now, so I don’t want to be too discouraging, but I also know that as time goes on and our children get older, we will be more concerned with what they are exposed to and how.  If there are any older, wiser mothers out there with thoughts to share, please send them my way!

I’d like to start praying Lauds and Vespers, but I’m not sure what book I should use. I tried to use Universalis online, but it is not practical for me to use the computer for prayers in the morning and evening. I looked for help on Amazon, but I am put off either by the price of what I see or by negative reviews about silly translations of the Psalms (you know, those that abhor the use of the word “man” and go for “human race” or things like that!), missing parts of the liturgy, etc. I just wonder what those of you who are doing at least bits of the Liturgy of the Hours are using, and what you like/dislike. I am not looking for short versions or daily reflections - I want the liturgy as it is used in the Church (the four weeks, saint days, etc.), but just morning prayer and vespers, because, at least for now , I know I can’t do more. Anybody can help me? Thank you in advance!

Kristen,

Our priest encouraged us NOT to have a unity candle, telling us that it was in no way essential to the ceremony and in many ways a distraction.

Here’s a deacon’s reply to the questions online:

http://www.catecheticsonline.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=3034

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A wedding Ceremony is a bonding of a man and woman in a covenant relationship with God.
the Unity candle is used as a image that symbolizes the uniting of the two people as one. This is purely a romantic image without any religious implications and therefore can or can not be used. It is usually left up bride and groom.

In doing a Google search I also see several suggestions of lighting the candle at the reception rather than during the church ceremony.

Kristen,
When we were married 7+ years ago, our priest also encouraged us NOT to have a unity candle for the same reasons that #17 gave.  We followed his suggestion and did NOT have a candle.  We did not want to embellish on an already beautiful mass.

Divorced parents can make a wedding so complicated.  My own parents divorced about 4 years before my wedding, so I was in a similar situation.  My heart goes out to them!

Kristen,

Actually this question came up at a adult religious education class at our parish a couple months ago. The Priest’s answer was “You have to vow love and faithfulness. Everything else is up to you ” I have seen Catholic ceremonies where the unity candle was not used( at another parish ) , though this was a couple years ago. If there is no getting the Priest to budge, I would handle this in one of two ways, either “pick” the two biological Mothers ( after all it is foremost the biological Mother’s place to do this as much as the biological Father’s place to escort the bride down the isle) or else get creative. Have eight candles lit, one by each before the ceremony, then each bring their flames together to light the candle on the alter.  Why not ?

We didn’t have a Unity Candle at our wedding 14 years ago.  My dad was a deacon and my brother is a Catholic priest and nobody insisted that it was part of the Catholic Marriage Rite.  It was my understanding that it was an optional thing that one could chose to incorporate into the Mass, but in no means obligatory.

Prayers for everyone going through difficult times!  May Jesus give you comfort and strength for whatever lies ahead.

Unity candle:  My husband and I lit our *own* unity candle during our wedding.  It did not detract from the High Mass wedding—but was a beautiful symbol of our becoming one in God.

I also had divorced/remarried parents.  We had a bouquet of roses on the side of the seating area, (Mary’s side) and during a part of the Mass, we took roses to each of the parents/new spouses and told them “Thank you for being here/helping us make it this far, etc”.  (We, too, didn’t want anyone to feel left out)  Then we gave the last two roses from us and placed them at Mary’s prayer area, and knelt there as “Ave Maria” played.

I am sure you will make the right choice for yourself.

Sing to the Lord is so right! Praying for you Anon.
Unity:
I attended a non Catholic wedding that did a different take on Unity. Each person in the family added a different silk flower into a vase. Unity candles are very new.

Catherine,
RE: an Aerobed.  We love the one we have now, which is the full-size, double thickness one.  I started with their standard, single layer bed & quickly exchanged it for the double layer one as it is hard for my parents to get up off the ground.  So far everyone who has used it has enjoyed it.  Hope that helps!

My prayers are with all those you have asked for them, God bless in the new year.

I’m a wedding coordinator at a parish in Southern California.  Our priest recently asked me to discourage the unity candle because the bishops would be eliminating it and all other “non-essential” ceremonies (veil & cord ceremony, coin ceremony etc) in the new year.  I haven’t heard an update yet.  He also said that the unity candle is actually a Protestant influence.  I didn’t realize that.

At my own wedding last year, my husband and I were married in Ireland.  We did an Irish coin ceremony and a unity candle—which just we lit.

Hi ladies - prayers for all who are asking.

My question.  Our 2 year old is a bully - he often attacks little girls at playgroup.  But that isn’t as much of an issue as what he does to his 4 year old sister.  If he gets upset with her he generally grabs her hair with both hands and drags her to the floor, where we have to disengage him.  If he can’t reach her hair he pinches and scratches her. 

Nothing we’ve tried has made him stop, from time outs, holding his hands or him in our laps, smacks or showing that those things hurt, even having her stand up for herself.  Sometimes he is provoked and sometimes he’s just plain mean.

Any advice?  I just don’t know how to get him to stop hurting her.

I was married last year, and our very orthodox priest told us the unity candle is not part of the Catholic rite of marriage. He believed it has been adopted from Protestant marriage ceremonies as well and said it was optional. We didn’t see the need to add the symbol and, instead, chose to have a reflection song following our vows as a time for us to pray together as husband and wife for the first time, kneeling in front of the alter.

Have any of you found a really great book to give to Protestant friends who express an interest in reading about our Catholic faith?  I’m looking for something appropriate for a hip Evangelical mom - not too basic but not too heady.  Suggestions?

I’ve already had The Faith Explained (by Fr. Leo Trese), Catholicism for Dummies, The Catholicism Answer Book, and The Catholic Controversy (St. Francis de Sales) recommended to me.  If you have any thoughts on these, I welcome them, too.

Frances,
What about Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly?

Aerobed:

Definately worth the money.  My husband cannot sleep well on anything other than our tempur-pedic due to health issues.  EXCEPT the aerobed - we bring it everywhere we go for him.  I prefer just about anything to a regular air mattress - but I love the arerobed as well.

To Anon in #3

As a past victim of abuse too, I totally understand.  If the thoughts are coming out of the blue - maybe it is the Lord bringing it to the surface now so He can bring healing to your life.

Before I go on -I also recommend a counselor or a good spiritual advisor to help you through this.

For me sometimes things come up, and I am a wreck and I turn to the Lord and He gently points out the impact those things are still having on me.  He shows me what I need to work through, or let go of. And then with prayer (and usually direction of some kind, either a good friend, counselor, priest, etc) He heals them so that I can be a better mother and spouse.  It is really painful though.  I’m crying for you just thinking about it.

Know that God wants you to be a full free person and that He loves you very much.  He doesn’t want these thoughts to torture or torment you, but to lay His healer’s hands upon you and make you whole.  He was with you then, and He is with you and your family now - every step of the way.  He has not forgotten you!  You are His treasure and His precious one. 

I will be praying for you from the bottom of my heart.  And it is alright to be a wreck and to cry - those are both healing.

Does anyone have advise on “disciplining” a child with health issues?

Our 9 yr. old has been in the hosp. and has had lots of tests.  There are some physical issues controlled with meds with side effects that mess with thought processes.  In fact, a metabolist(?) was asking her to look at the clock and tell him the time while examing her, she couldn’t, even with him leading her to the answer.  I had to explain that she could 3 months ago in a heartbeat.  Anyway, she is also internally/externally hypersensitive - the docs explained to her that she feels things more intensely than others.  Now, I am wondering if “normal” aches and pains in the morning are perceived to more than that to her?  She is snappy at everyone.  Thinks everyone hates her at times.  She expressed out loud that she wished she was dead and in heaven.  We are walking on egg shells around here.  Her siblings have been great but she will just snap and snap and then run to her room saying everyone hates her and that no one knows what it likes to be her.  We have more than that going on with her but I am trying to keep this somewhat short.

Anyway, we are not sure how to discipline her.  No one gets away with the comments she makes around here except her.  And, when she goes down that route of making mean comments she just digs herself into the ground and feels horrible herself even if no one gets upset.  So, I feel like she needs discipline for her sake as well as everyone else’s.  But, since she’s been told by a doctor that she is “different” she thinks we are just being mean to her.  We are seriously considering a therapist and have already looked at catholictherapists.com.  Does anyone else have ANY advise whatsoever?  We’ve never had a child have any serious illness until now but I know many people have.  Any advise -even obvious or simple or complex would be much appreciated.  Sometimes when I am living in the midst of things I don’t see the obvious until it’s pointed out by someone else.
I should also point out that she has been annointed and prayed over by various people.  One person told us that he believes that it is very important for us to pray the St. Michael prayer for her.  Another actually had to quit, she takes on the pain of the person she is praying over and couldn’t take it anymore - she said the pain isn’t like anything she’s ever felt - almost electrical.  That is most likely the pain she is taking the Neurontin for - she needs to keep taking that but that also may be causing these other behaviors - we really don’t know.

Thank you so much for any prayers you can offer or advise you can give.

TO ANON:  I will offer up our sufferings today for you.  What you have experienced is something I never have - I don’t have any advise - buy my prayers are surely with you as you go through this tough time.  Maybe the St. Michael prayer?

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  We are having issues in my family with my mother for the same sort of things.  My kids are older now (8,10,12,14) and I wish I could give you some answers, but it is a struggle for us still.  I’ve been waiting all day for some insight that I might be able to gleen from your question. 

I think the hardest part is that my Mom thinks that we blow things out of proportion, so she doesn’t even hear us anymore.  I feel a total lack of respect for the way that we chose to parent our children and find myself resentful because I wish she could just see that we are actually parenting our children the way that I wish she would have parented me!!!  She won’t see that though, because in order to see that she would have to face some truths that I know she would rather not face.  I have had to limit contact with my kids recently because her lack of proper judgement.  It’s hard because I know that she feels completely justified and won’t even try to see where we are coming from, so it alienates a lot of other family members who jump to her side, too.  YUCK!!! 

This is what divorce does to families WAYYYY down the road.  In Faith and Family this issue there was the quote…something like Divorce is when you put down your cross and your children have to carry it…not exactly what it said, but that’s the just of it.

To Nella,  I assume that Papa must be sick in some way, since you feel that you might lose him this year.  My own mother died of cancer this past fall.  We all knew she was ill, obviously, but simply told the children she was very sick.  When it became apparant she was actively dying, we told them that, too.  They understood that she was so sick that she was going to die and go live with Jesus.  The younger children seemed to “get it” better than the older ones.  Grams was able to be with them, and actually talked to them about dying beforehand.  She assured them she would love them from heaven and that she wasn’t afraid to die.  We referred to her funeral as her “going away party”.  All the cousins attended all the events.  I hope they will remember it, even the younger ones.  I think it puts death in the right perspective, after all, we will all die someday.  I don’t know how much will apply to your situation, but this was our experience.  Hope it helps.

To GB,

I use Daily Prayer 2009 by the Liturgy Training Publications. This book was suggested to me by
Sister Mary, OSB.

GB (#16),

It sounds like you would want “Christian Prayer,” which has the approved Morning and Evening Prayer (among other selections). It’s about an inch-and-a-half thick. This is NOT “Shorter Christian Prayer,” nor the complete four-volume set (though you’ll probably want to splurge on that eventually, if you fall in love with the Divine Office like I have!).

Though I personally prefer to read and study from the RSV-CE or Douay-Rheims or Jerusalem Bible translations, I figure if this is good enough for the prayer of our Church, it’s good enough for me for that purpose.

I have a post on my blog about the Divine Office here: http://weareacatholicfamily.blogspot.com/2008/11/least-known-treasure-for-lay-peoples.html

God bless you and all those in need of prayers here today!

I am asking for all your prayers because I have no where else to turn.  I just discovered that my husband has been having an extramarital affair.  I have confronted him about it,but my pain is so intense right now and I feel so alone.  Thank you.

fivesweetgirls,

I will pray a rosary for you right now and ask the Blessed Mother to wrap her arms around you so that you won’t feel so alone.  I am so sorry that this happened to you.

Dear Anon,

You are so very much in my prayers today.

I echo everyone who advises you to find a good counselor or therapist to talk to.  I’ve had my own personal pain to confront (not abuse, thank goodness, but other deeply-rooted wounds) and I literally feel like my life has been transformed by talking about it and getting it out in the open. 

It takes massive courage to talk about such pain.  It’s the only way to heal from it, though.  It could be that the distress you are feeling today is a little way God is nudging you to go more deeply into confronting your past and starting on the road to healing.  That was how it was for me, at least.

Please feel comforted by the love of Christ today, and, of course, His mother.  Hang in there.  You can walk through this and come out on the other side.

Shelly, I used to work at Boys Town where the kids’ problems weren’t usually physical, but lots of mental/emotional stuff.  One phrase I would mention to some of them who would pull out that kind of excuse (“I have oppositional/defiant disorder so I can’t do my homework just b/c you told me to.” kinds of stuff) was “that’s info, not ammo.”  In other words, yes, you have this problem, but knowing about it is supposed to help you find ways to cope, not just get you out of “real life.”  Accommodations can be made, but maybe ask for her input on how she could help herself during those really tough times.  Like (on an obviously much lower level) when I know I’m “hormonal” I can let my husband know that I just need 20 minutes to go nap or something so I don’t fly off the handle at him or the kids.  The BT kids were allowed sometimes to “take self-control time,” just a few minutes to sit alone and then come back and deal with whatever the original situation or consequence was.  Hope that helps a bit!  I’ll keep you in my prayers (and the same for fivesweetgirls and anon #3).

Hello Everyone -

I know it’s late, but maybe some will still be checking in tonight. My husband and I have made the decision to homeschool 3 of our children this coming fall. We are excited and scared at the same time. There are many reasons we are feeling led to do this but the main reasons are #1. We want to raise our children with a solid Catholic education and #2. They all have learning disabilities (nothing major) and we feel they are being “left behind” in PS. I am currently reading the book “Homeward Bound” by Kimberly Hahn but want to get any advice I can about how I can really mesh the faith as much as possible with regular school work. We plan on enrolling in Kolbe Academy but will use a variety of curriculum from several sources. Any words of wisdom from HS families is appreciated!

I feel your pain Anon.  The same thing happened to me.  It has taken me about 2 years to work through those painful memories with a therapist.  I highly recommend a Catholic therapist.  A book that has helped, but can trigger is “The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse”  by Dan Allender.  I worked through that book with my therapist, and that helped tremendously.  God is showing you what you need to work through.  Reach out for help, and you will be healed. 
My prayers are with you.

Shelley,
Don’t wait!  Call a therapist ASAP. Also, has she been tested for food allergies?  That could be causing some of that behavior. 
I will pray for you and your family.

Shelley
Parenting a sick child is hard.  My daughter had cancer last year, and it was so hard to tell if she was acting up because she was feeling crummy or if she was just acting up.  It turns out that whether or not you feel crummy, there’s no excuse for bad behavior and discipline is necessary.  We saw a lot of families in the hospital have worse experiences than necessary because they gave into their child’s every whim, when the child really was needing boundaries defined. 

We learned from that, and realized that even though she was sick, it was still our responsibility to teach her right and wrong, good manners, etc.  My advice to you - be tough, I’ll bet you she’ll respond!  Be creative if need be, but give consequences for bad behavior!  Being rude and snappy is unacceptable behavior, no matter what.
It’s hard to draw a hard line with a sick kid, especially when you just want to hug her and tell her you wish you could make her feel better, and it’s even harder when there are people sharing your hospital room with you who you KNOW are going to think that you’re mean, but you have to do it.  It’s what’s best for her.

Be tough Shelley!  You can do it!

Shelley -
As an occupational therapist, I strongly recommend you as her PCP for a referral to an OT for a sensory eval.  It sounds like on top of everything else, your daughter is struggling with sensory processing problems - meaning her brain’s interpretation of everyday sensations is often is often of pain.  The ramifications of that are huge, including emotional backlash.  Fortunately, there are lots of tried & true ways to help her brain & body get back in sync.  Google sensory processing disorder or check out “The Out of Sync Child” by Carol Kranowitz (most libraries carry it these days), to see if it helps make sense of some of what you are seeing in your daughter.  Any pediatric OT should be able to help explain it more & give you strategies for helping your daughter.  My thoughts & prayers are with your daughter & your whole family.

To fivesweetgirls -  I am so sorry, my heart goes out to you.  I will be keeping you in my prayers.  May the God of peace comfort you and give you His strength to bear this.

fivesweetgirls: i will be praying to St. Monica for you tonight.  you are certainly not alone in this and I know that many women will be with you along the way.

Shelly, sorry to post again, but I was thinking about your situation when putting my daughter to bed and had a couple more thoughts.  One is that it sounded like mornings are maybe a tougher time for her.  Could you talk to her about what might help with that?  Like is it hard to transition from a dark bedroom to bright light in the rest of the house, so maybe shades could be drawn and lights dim for awhile when she first gets up to ease her into the day?  Or is she snappy with low blood sugar in the morning, so she could fill up on lots of protein right before bed and then make it a rule that she eats first thing in the a.m. and no one tries to engage her until she has something in her system?  (Maybe also make her accommodation to the family be that if a sibling is too young to remember that or someone forgets, she must respond only with a calm “sorry, I can’t talk until after I eat.”)  Or is it just too daunting to go from restful, non-painful sleep to the struggles of the day?  Could it help to start out with 5 or 10 min. with you or a fave sibling for some extra love, encouragement, and prayer for strength to face the day?  Or to break up her day a bit, i.e. what is especially hard in the a.m.?  How about afternoon?  Evening?  Nighttime?  What specific things can be done to help at each time so that she is more able to control herself?  The other thought was: Boys Town had very clear, very simple behavioral rules for the kids.  Ex: following instructions meant look at the person; say okay; do the task; check back if necessary.  Basically, “have a good attitude” or “be nice” isn’t specific enough.  So maybe it would help her to have expectations phrased that way: if her usual phrasing is something rude as a response to some situation, give the expectation of “look at the person; use a pleasant voice; say “.....” (some stock phrase you come up with that would be an acceptable way of handling the problem)  Then she has both your standard of good behavior and a way of positively handling things when her brain and body are too worn out to come up with something on her own.  It is also then very easy to define what was wrong with the behavior, rather than naming something like “attitude” which is subjective and tough to quantify and always “excusable.”  If the misbehavior is a violation of a specific, predetermined step in a behavioral skill, then it doesn’t matter why - and takes it out of the realm of arguing over motive and such.  There were settings, such as therapy, where it was appropriate to talk about why one had a hard time behaving well (abuse, drugs, poverty, any old reason a kid could end up at BT) and other settings, such as school, where that wasn’t really the issue.  The teacher didn’t have to argue over whether kid A should be in trouble for not doing homework b/c he was just being ornery, but kid B should not get in trouble b/c it was the anniversary of his brother being killed in a gang battle and he just couldn’t concentrate.  At most times, the focus was just on the behavior as such.  Sorry this is so long!

#40:  There really isn’t room here to address all the things that would be good to know about homeschooling but I would advise seeking out local support groups and online ones.  There are several yahoo chat groups for Catholic homeschoolers and even one just for Kolbe users.  We think homeschooling is the best thing we’ve ever done for our kids and they prefer it also (we started in schools).  It’s not easy but it’s not as hard as I thought it would be either.  Everyone does it differently since every family is different and every child is different and it may take some time to find what things work for you.  What works for me may not work for you so it’s hard to give blanket advice.  If you get into support groups you will hear of many ideas.  Congratulations on your decision - I don’t think you wil regret it.

I wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and comments last week about dealing with my childhood molestation.  I took the advice and admitted to myself that I couldn’t go it alone and needed extra support on Tuesday and called a trusted friend who came right over and spent several hours with me.  Later that evening I spoke with my husband (who was aware of the abuse) about how I had been in denial about the harm and long term effects of the abuse.  He’s been 10000000% supportive and wants me to do anything I need to do to heal…and will do whatever I need him to do to help.  I have also spoken with my priest and will begin meeting with him this week to begin true healing.
Thanks you all so much and please continue to keep me and my family in your prayers.