i second that.  day 2 of hubby being sick.  and week 2 of trying to get my 7-month-old to sleep better at night (which means i’m still not getting enough sleep) and what seems like a crummy tummy day for the little guy too….

Me three!  Prayers for you all too… it’s no fun, though I’m glad I’m the only one well rather than the reverse. 

RS, I don’t know if my advice will help you…I’ve gone through this not too long ago (my kids are still little 2, 3, 6) but my husband did say to me that ‘love’ is a choice. That really resonated with me and I stopped and asked myself if I would want to be treated the way I was treating him? Being snippy and moody are not good, loving choices. Plus, he comes home after working hard to provide for us. Try to see it from his point of view. And you have to be an example to your kids. Pray to BVM for strength to remain joyful and loving when he does come home. You have to realize that it’s not about you anymore (which I learned the hard way). It’s really such a sanctifying moment. God does bless your effort and you’d be surprised at the patience you gain not only for your family but with yourself. I hope this helps and that it doesn’t come off preachy but like I said above, I’ve been through what you’re going through (and I still have to fight against wanting to be crabby)!

I have been there and still am there some days.  You don’t say how old your kids are, but they will get older very, very soon.  My three oldest are in school now and able to help more around the house and are just more independent and able to take care of a lot of their own needs, you’ll get there too.  When the first three were all under three and in diapers, etc, there were some days I was just mad at the world.  And my husband bore the brunt of that.  Once I realized that was what was going on, I would try to say to myself, “The way you feel is not his fault” and chant that in my head.  I also did the “fake it till you make it” approach and would make myself smile as he was coming through the door and think about everything for which I am thankful.  Ultimately, my kids just had to grow.  That’s probably not real helpful, but hopefully it helps to know that others have been there too and it does get better.

RS -
Rebecca’s line about “fake it til you make it” made me smile, because I think what has helped me is a little bit of prioritizing in my “faking it.” 

What I mean is, instead of being so present, so “on”, so patient and genuine with my kids every*single*minute*of*the*day and then running on fumes for my husband, I’ve started (what I used to consider) cutting corners with the kids, and with the household in general.  I’m “faking it til I make it” during the day, and holding on to that last couple pints of energy for my dh because frankly, 1)he needs it more and 2)we took vows! (I never took vows to be 100% active & hands-on with my kids.)

Whatever helps us most, whatever sets a mellow tone for us, works.  Some days that’s more electronics, some days it’s more outdoor time, sometimes it’s postponing a grocery trip, sometimes it’s letting the laundry go unfolded, or sometimes it’s having a laundry dance party in the basement & staying on top of it….I feel like I’m always scheming some way to get a little more breathing room from my barnacle kids. 

At the end of the day, everyone is happiest when mom & dad reconnect, recharge, and repeat their love for each other, in big or small ways.

StephC… THANK YOU! I just finished tryin g to tell someone that we don’t owe our kids every last crumb of our be-ing… in fact, it will only make them self-absorbed and selfish. Even when they are really little it is important to find ways to teach them they are not the centre of your universe… only the centre of your heart, LOL!

“At the end of the day, everyone is happiest when mom & dad reconnect, recharge, and repeat their love for each other, in big or small ways.”

AMEN!

It sounds like he may need more help than you can give him.  Would he be willing to talk to a third party—priest, friend, counselor, relative?

I have seasonal affective disorder, and if you think that could be part of the issue (or the whole issue) there are some very easy ways to deal with it.  If he cycles in and out of this every year, it starts in the fall and is worst in Jan/Feb, getting better in the spring, it could definitely be SAD.  I personally use a light therapy box for 30 minutes every morning 6-7 months out of the year.  An antidepressant is also very effective and can also be done only 6 months a year.  Encourage him to at least talk to his family doctor about the possibility.  There is a lot of information on the internet that could help both of you figure out if this is the problem, and it would be foolish not to do something about it when it would make such a big difference!

Ditto to what Andrea has already said. Also, with respect to the vitamin D… play with the dosage (new recommendations suggest 1000IU for every 25 lbs. of body weight).

My daughter struggles with anxiety, and DH (lesser) and I (significant) with S.A.D. and this winter by simply upping our vitamin D to the above recommendations has us cruising right along. It took about two weeks before we really saw a difference.

God bless!

I’ve been praying for her, too!  Know we’re thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer.

I pray for you often, too, anon!  I admire your faith!

Joining you in prayer for that mom, and that husband, too.

praying for you, Bea, and everyone today.

DT, I will pray!  You should also warn her to be careful.  Requiring a wife to get a job can be part of a divorce plan designed to decrease support owed to her:  see, she can support herself - forget about the years invested in family/raising kids, and the wage differential between a middle-aged re-entry and her husband.  Cf. Newt Gingrich’s $20K alimony.  This happened to my mom, who had a job for about two years before the divorce when I was in college:  5 years alimony, and then nothing, after 20 years of raising kids.

It is my understanding that if it is done in the context of about to make love or having just done it, the husband can bring his wife to o manually or orally. The only time it wouldn’t be permitted is if you were abstaining but wanted an o anyway. What isn’t allowed is if the husband climaxed after oral stimulation. For men this is only permitted during actual intercourse.

no actually, as long as its in the context of a complete act of intercourse