Pregnant, Again?
Posted by Danielle Bean in Family on Tuesday, January 12, 2010 2:00 PM
A dad recently emailed me this message:
“We found out that we are expecting our 6th child. After the initial shock wore off, we are happy with the idea. My question is, how do we tell family? We have told a couple of close friends but hesitate to tell family because of our current situation.
I am sure it is familiar to you, tight space, tight budget, home school and now pregnant. Family has a way of saying things that no one else would. How does one deal with the situation gracefully?
We are trying to put it all in God’s hands but it can be, and is, quite difficult. It is tough to walk the road before us sometimes. We are confident that we can handle what God has given us, but man it does seem a daunting task standing at the bottom of the hill looking up.”
First of all, let me say, CONGRATULATIONS! I am sure you won’t hear that from some people you would like to hear it from in the coming weeks, and I know that can sting. But God has entrusted you and your wife with another tiny soul, and that is a blessed event indeed.
When dealing with un-supportive family, I have three recommendations:
1. Remember the love. Believe it or not, your family’s “concerns” about your family size are motivated by their love for you. They worry about your stress. They worry about your finances. They worry about the effects a new pregnancy will have on the children you already have. As annoying, insulting or inappropriate as their worrying might be, they worry because they love you. Focus on that love, and you’ll feel less defensive about their comments and apparent lack of support.
2. Be honest. Your family members might not realize the power of their words to hurt you. If you say things like “We’re happy about this and it really hurts our feelings that you are not happy too” or “We are working hard and we are proud of our family” or “We love this baby already” you might just help them to see things a little more from your point of view.
3. Step back. You love your parents and you must honor your parents, but once you are married, your parents are no longer your primary responsibility. There might come a time when, for your own spiritual and emotional health (or for your wife’s) you need to pull back a bit from un-supportive family members.
“For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother; and shall cleave to his wife. And they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mark 10:7-9)
Your spouse and children are your primary responsibility now. Decide what is best for your family and then have enough confidence in your decision to limit interactions with family members who might seek to discourage you. Your newly pregnant wife is likely feeling hormonal and exhausted. She needs you to protect her from discouraging influences right now.
Finally, in the coming weeks and months, I would encourage you to surround yourselves with friends who do support you—people who “get” what you are doing, recognize that it’s hard, and will support you in emotional, spiritual, and practical ways during this pregnancy and beyond.
I hope others will have helpful thoughts to share in the comments as well.
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