Good Morning!  So, what did you all do for Columbus Day?  I went on retreat this weekend, and my husband met me on Sunday afternoon when it was over.  We then went down to the Jersey Shore and spent 2 glorious days there. The weather was perfect!  We even met friends of ours on the boardwalk (who had their kids with them) by chance. Did anybody go apple or pumpkin picking?

I have heard that there are all kinds of new great advances in cloth diapers.  Many of my American friends are incredibly enthusiastic about them.  However, I live overseas in China, and these same American friends do not do any of their own laundry.  Would they rave so much about them if they had to wash the diapers themselves (as I would have to)?  I have horrible memories of my youngest sisters’ cloth diapers, and my occassional job to empty them as needed and put them in the pail. I can’t believe that the cute covers and no-pin system is really an improvement over what I remember from almost 30 years ago.  They just stunk and my mom was constantly bleaching and washing them.
Does anyone else have experience with diapers like Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers (or something similar)?

Good morning!
Does anyone out there grind their own flour from wheat berries?  If so, any recommendations on flour mills/grinders??  Thanks!
We do plan to load up on crisp apples & several pumpkins from the VA Farmer’s Market tomorrow as we pass by on our way from WV to VA for a family Oktoberfest celebration this weekend.  :o)
(& my 20th highschool reunion…yikes.)

Ambrose: my mother used a cloth diaper service with 3 out of four kids. She just had to put the soiled diapers in a special pail and set it out once a week for refills. Personally, with my two little ones, I’ve done disposable. I did A LOT of research and the conclusion I came to was that disposable diapers with the chemicals that must be used to really get them clean (my area doesn’t have any “green” services, I’m not even sure if they exist) and the sheer amount of water used almost equals out with disposables. I don’t want to start a debate, that was just my reasoning. Also I have a beagle, which, if you don’t know is a scent hound and that smell having to be in my house or even my garage for a week? Not gonna happen. He would have torn those apart.

I had a quick question. What are the staples of your Thanksgiving dinner tables? With two small kids, our family is trying to come up with some of our own traditions as well as incorporating some traditions from our families. We both grew up with turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing but my husband is from the South (I’m a Jersey Girl) and likes collard greens (yuck) and I make a corn casserole. We both also love the Charlie Brown Thanskgiving and in the morning while dinner is being cooked our kids and guests can help themselves to as much toast, popcorn, jelly beans and pretzel sticks as they would like!

Do any of your wonderful friends have any suggestions for how to help see a friend or relative beyond the surface of our faith and our Church? How do I articulate (kindly, encouragingly) that they need to see past the “rules” and feel the love and strength of the Catholic church? I’m particularly concerned about my sister right now. She lives in an area with very few Catholic churches, so she only has one parish choice. She is stuck in the mindset that the church should be more “flexible” to help attract people instead of driving them away (in her mind). I’m not explaining it well. But I so want to encourage her to look past that. She has attended nonCatholic churches in the past for a time and sometimes finds they give her more of what she is looking for.

Ambrose,
I use Fuzzi Bunz, and I do my own laundry. (I even used to do them at the laundromat!). These are really easy to use with little babies who aren’t eating solids yet—you don’t have to rinse or dump anything. Just separate the liners from the covers, put in washer, soak and prewash before running a regular wash cycle. I line-dry them. I do a load every 2 days, so they never have much time to get really stinky. Though a bin with a lid is necessary. I have used several types of cloth, and I really like the fuzzi-bunz style (there are cheaper similar options.) they keep baby’s skin dry and you don’t have to change them much more frequently than disposable. We do still use disposables when the diapers are being washed, at night, and when I’m out and about. Hope this helps.

Ambrose, I forgot to mention that with babies eating solids, the poop does come off the fleece material quite easily, so it’s easy enough to dump the solids into the toilet before putting in the diaper bin…

Am I the only one who finds the “Feel Your Boobies” campaign - I don’t know - obnoxious? I laud its purpose and to that extent, what it accomplishes is good. Maybe it’s a personal pet peeve of mine with “boob” instead of breast, but I find it almost demeaning, esp. in light of the ‘theology of the body.’

I wanted to comment on the absolutely beautiful pictures on Danielle Bean’s “Wish You Were Here” post.  And even more beautiful than the picutes is the message:  we all need to stop and give thanks for all we have everyday.  There is an e-mail circulating around that says many things like, “When you have to clean your house, thank God you have a roof over your head.’  It is an old theory but very true…we so often complain about things…our jobs, our chores, our kids, etc.  It is so easy to forget that there are so many people in our world who do not have any thing close to what we do.  Her post was a great reminder to me…thank God for the dirty laundry, because it means we have a house full of family.  Thank God for the dirty dishes, because it means we have all eaten tonight.  Thank God for the chores, because it means we have a home to live in.  In all of our good times and all of our hard times, let us never stop to say, “Lord , blessed be your name!”

Re: Feel your Boobies
Carolyn,
I think it’s kinda dopey but most advertising, and the campaign is advertising, is so dumbed down that it doesn’t surprise me.  It’s part of the whole lowest common denominator sex-driven mentality of our broader “culture”.  Unfortunately, I think by doing it that way, it will just get lost in the noise of ads and not have a big effect.

Has anyone used the marquette method while nursing?  I am looking to postpone pregnancy.  I have strictly breastfed and nursed through the night and we became pregnant with #3 quite early.  We are now expecting #4 and I am nervous about an early pregnancy while nursing.

Does anyone use a roomba vacuum? How well do they work? What is their ‘approach’ to little toys and other bits. I have three under five and I really struggle with the housework.
I remember cloth nappies, with my younger brothers. I really think disposables are better, although that is with the family tradition of skin problems and alergies.

Ambrose, I’ve just switched to cloth for both my younger children and find them much better than disposables, so I have to change the clothes much less often. I won’t get into an environmental debate (I can see both sides), but I don’t think washing the diapers is any grosser than changing them and hauling them out to the trash. I love not having to run to the store for diapers. I wash them every other day and use essential oils if the smell gets bad (which usually isn’t a big problem). Kristin, I understand about the beagle. If we still had ours, I’m sure the cloth diapers would be a constant temptation for him!

Does anyone know the protocol for attending a wedding on Saturday night (after 6pm) and if it counts for Sunday mass?  Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT trying to get out of Mass, but when you’re 8 hours away and you need to get on the road it would be nice to know that you’ve fulfilled your Sunday obligation at the wedding.  My mom says that the Bishop (of Northern Kentucky) acknowledges this as your Sunday obligation, but I’m wondering if she “heard” this correctly.  It seems like we are in this situation a lot with our big family.  Does anyone know a website I can go to with accurate information?  I want to make sure we are doing this correctly.  THANKS!

re: post #5, “Do any of your wonderful friends have any suggestions for how to help see a friend or relative beyond the surface of our faith and our Church? How do I articulate (kindly, encouragingly) that they need to see past the “rules” and feel the love and strength of the Catholic church?”

The rules are there to bring us grace and discipline and closer to Jesus.  Perhaps what she see of the rules is a whole different thing, ie people just punch their time cards in and out of Mass every week because it is one of the rules.

I understand that because that is what I felt as a young adult and I never understood what it meant to build a relationship with God.  It took other people in my live really willing to love me and show me how to build a foundation with God.

By more flexible maybe she means things like have the church provide a nursery for young worn out parents who may be looking for God but can’t pay attention to a thing because they are trying to keep their kids quiet.  Or maybe she is just hoping the Church could be a welcoming place where people genuinely want to know each other.  A place where there is a sense of community.

Or maybe she means by more flexible just love people where they are at and let the Holy Spirit do the work of changing their hearts.  I have felt bad when I have heard from other moms who have left the mom’s group at our Church because they felt they were not holy enough. Maybe something like they aren’t doing the family rosary everyday and other moms put them down for not doing it or maybe they are just coming back to the Church but have no idea why.
Perhaps we are very strong in our faith but others are at a different place and God needs time to work on their hearts before we hit them over the head with the catechism.  (I’m not saying you are doing this at all, just that it would help if we met people where they were at)

Don’t under estimate the power of your own example and relationship with God.

Jacque,

I don’t have a specific reference for you but for me that it would count and it seems overly legalistic to say it wouldn’t.

With Halloween rapidly approaching, I was wondering how you other Catholic moms handle the occasion.  I have a 3-year-old and 17-month-old, both girls.  I grew up with the scary Halloween stuff—witches, ghosts, goblins—but the oldest girl is at the age where she has an occasional bad dream.  Also, I’m concerned about the focus being on the “dark side”.  I haven’t put up any Halloween decorations, only pumpkins, gourds and scarecrows.  Any thoughts?

Regarding Jacque’s questions (post #14), my understanding is that it doesn’t count unless it is the same Mass readings that are for that particular Sunday in Ordinary time.  My guess is that the bride and groom have chosen readings specifically for their wedding Mass.  Check Catholic Answers website.  Maybe they’ll have the answer.

Got asked to teach Saturday morning CCD again this year and need advice for how to reach/inspire/encourage certain parents who Do Not Bring Their Kids to Church But Think CCD is Enough for Now, Thanks. (Because We Have Other Things to Do on Sundays, You Know.)

I vaccillate between quiet trust in the Lord’s grace and wanting to go home and cry. The pastor insists nothing gets wasted, meaning our efforts at planting seeds in the kids’ hearts. I get that part but I’m looking for ways to reach them, that can be said, gently and lovingly, mom to mom, that will help them develop a relationship with God.

Any ideas? Any good little Catholic mom prayer books that might meet them where they’re at? Or… something?

To Shannon: (with all do respect, I am not trying to dissuade you)
but I know 10 women, to be exact, who became pregnant while exclusive nursing. I don’t know much about the marquette method, but I wouldn’t bank on it! I am currently a nursing mother, too, and I still chart using N.F.P. because I don’t trust the breast-feeding method.

To all mothers:
What would prevent you from becoming friends with another mother? For example: would a hyper-active child prevent you from a friendship? Would different views? etc…
I am just curious because I feel as if I have experienced this. However, this could be all in my head. =)

I was once told by a priest that it was possible to recieve communion at least three times in one day. That is to recieve for a funeral mass, a regular mass and a wedding mass. They are different. You will need to attend a mass even after attending the wedding mass. It is different.

Jacque (#14):  When my uncle got married on a Sunday afternoon fifteen years ago, his parish priest asked the local bishop for the wedding to “count” for the Sunday obligation for the couple and all their guests.  The bishop gave consent for this.
This might be something that can only be handled on a case-by-case basis.

Opps! Shannon, I apologize, I read your post so fast. Disregard my last comment. You already know about exclusive breast-feeding. Good luck!

What I have been told by my priest before regarding Saturday evening weddings is that if at least one of the readings is from that Sunday, then you will have fulfilled your obligation, otherwise not. So you might want to ask the couple if they have planned for this.

Jacque,

If the Bishop says it fulfills your Sunday obligation then it does,  no ifs and or buts about it. 

But if you feel you still must go then look at your travel route and do an internet search of larger towns/citys you are passing through and mark down what times their Masses are at (with directions).  Give yourself several options that way you can pull over whenever it best suites your traveling needs.  We have done it and it works out well.

Any suggestions on good toddler books that show multi-racial families that would be in line with Catholic teaching on the family?  Our family is a combo of ebony & ivory.  Thanks.

Patricia,
I have a Vita Mix machine that grinds anything I want ( grain berries, coffee beans, even meat ).  I opted for that instead of a traditional grinder because it does so much more than grains.  I can toss in a pile of veggies that my family would not normally eat and puree it, then use it as a soup base and add meat and pasta and no one has any idea that they’re eating beets, turnips, tomatoes, etc. !  I could go on and on . . .!

To Ambrose: I have used cloth diapers for both of my children. I use Fuzzi Bunz and a couple other similar styles. I do put them in the wash each evening or else I think they get more stinky. No dogs here so that’s not a problem. I also use a flushable paper liner so everything just dumps into the toilet if necessary. I’ve used a disposable at night because my kids are heavy night wetters and the disposables do last better through the night.

A Question to Everyone: How do you mentally handle the 2 weeks of uncertainty in every cycle? I find it difficult not to obsess about whether I am pregnant or not. It’s weird because I’m really fine with either way. I’m not especially desiring another baby right now (I have a 3 & 1 yr old), nor do we have really serious reasons against having another. Any advice?

Hi Ambrose,
I used Gerber cloth diapers for my 3 children (we had an adorable beagle too, who never cared about the diaper pail, she only was interested in getting out to the back woods!).  Like Dani, I line-dried them and used disposables when we had appointments or playdates. I think they saved a lot of money.

Patricia—check out the options at King Arthur Flour; they have The Baker’s Catalogue. ‘Though I don’t have a mill, everything I’ve ever bought from KA has been super & their customer service is great.

Jacque,

My advice to you would be to ask your parish priest.  He is “in charge” of your soul, so to speak, so his advice is what matters most.  Also, if you do choose to try to find a mass along your travel route, http://www.masstimes.org is a great resource for that.
God Bless your travels!
Julie

Rebecca—just remember, you are God’s Pencil. Your priest is right. None of your good work will be wasted. you can’t let it become a problem. Just love the kids and do the best you can. I have a similar situation in the parish where I am a catechist. I just hope to plant a seed. I make a point to do a lot of “Catholic culture” stuff such as rosaries and stories of the saints. Every week I remind them to go to mass. They are in 2nd grade, so I tell them, I know you will not be driving to church, but ask your parents, your abuela, a neighbor down the street to take you. Possibly the little children will set an example for their parents. Don’t be discouraged. You are doing a wonderful thing. Let it happen in God’s time.

Hi Joan, I am so happy you got to go on a retreat, and then a nice mini-vacation with your husband! I went on my first retreat on Pentecost weekend (the Benedictine Sisters in Elizabeth). I can’t wait to go again, I am hooked. When I told my husband I would rather go back to the nuns than for a “spa weekend” he looked at me like I was crazy Well, he isn’t a catholic after all. I hope to go for a Quiet Day in November, before advent. I learned so much that weekend and the lessons have stuck with me. I would recommend a retreat to anyone who does not have a tiny nursing baby. Try to make it happen, it is wonderful.

Columbus Day? I didn’t even remember it was Columbus Day until I went to get the mail and had to think a moment why there was none.
Then went to an Odyssey of the Mind meeting for three of my children. They worked on their problems and played and I talked with other moms and played with the baby.

Cloth Diapers - I use Happy Heinys with two microfiber towels as inserts and love them.  They’re similar to fuzzi bunz but with velcro instead of snaps, which I prefer.

Most everything shakes off the fleece, or I might make a swipe or two with TP.  I have a designated rubber spatula that I keep with the toilet brush from the days of easing into solid foods.  Before that, I tossed everything in the wash.

I wash every other day with a scoop of 1:1 mix of borax and washing soda (I use this on everything) and a drizzle of Tide.  I find that helps me keep from using too much detergent and then having to rinse, rinse, rinse.  I usually do a “cold soak” on my washer then run the sanitary cycle on light soil.  I then line dry in the sun or throw them in the dryer if it’s dark/cold/wet.

My main drive to use cloth was to not have to make a 30 minute drive (one way) if I ran out of diapers.  I use a disposable at night since my daughter seems to need a smear of desitin frequently (even when I’m using only disposables - actually, especially then), but I just take an extra cloth diaper when we are out and about and put wet/dirty ones in a bread sack.

I typically store the dirties in the washing machine until they get washed or they do stink up the nursery since it’s closed up while she’s sleeping.  Feel free to e-mail me if you’d like at nettacow at yahoo dot com.  I love my cloth and could go on and on about it.  :>)

Patricia:

We use a wheat grinder and love it.  We use the wondermill, which we purchased from a family-run business with the best price you’ll find.
http://www.9ghealthfoods.com/
My sister-in-law uses the same and loves it as well.  We also use Wheat Montana wheat berries - all natural.

Carolyn,
You are not the only one. I, as well as many that I know, am not impressed by this nor the “save the Taa taa’s or boobies shirts that men seem to buy and wear. I bite by tongue as these poor taste shirts do bring in money and awareness for a great cause but none the less I am unimpressed.

Jacque,
My family does count Saturday evening Catholic weddings, where Communion is taken, as fulfillment for our weekly obligation. I don’t know of a web site that says so but that is what we believe. I suggest calling your priest and telling him that you plan to attend an out of town wedding and ask him like you asked us. You seem sincere and not just someone who is looking to skip mass so I’m sure your intentions will be taken as honest.

Mary W,
I will probably take heat for this but I have walked away from a friendships due to the other Mother, not even trying to discipline her unruly, rude, self centered children. They were constantly disruptive to the point that I hated to visit with their mother ( whom was once my best friend) who always had them with her. The final straw was when one of my children came to me after one of their visits and asked why she let them behave “so badly”( interrupting adults, throwing tantrums, etc.)
If there is truly a problem why the child is hyper active and not just lack of behavior or the Mother tries to discipline and teach right from wrong,I would probably see things differently.

Patricia,

The vita-mix is also used in my family, and we chose NOT to use it for flour.  Here is a good source for the whys and why-nots:
http://www.9ghealthfoods.com/?p=71

I also would recommend looking into the brand of wheat berries you select.  We use Wheat Montana because it is not genetically alter, no pesticides are used in the soil or on the plants, etc.  Many brands (including those you would not think) use some type of unnatural methods.

I can also tell you that since grinding our own wheat, our bread has been beautiful and delicious!  Not to mention so much cheaper and so much better for us.  If you decide to go with it and need a great recipe, let me know!

Just a quick idea to pass along to those of you who are as frightened as I am by the potential outcome of this election:  Let us pray!!!  Let us call upon the help of one who was such a strong defender of life and promoter of the culture of life.  John Paul II, PRAY FOR US!

ambrose -

we also use cloth diapers similar to fuzzi bunz. i wash them at home every other day. since my daughter is still only breastfed we don’t rinse or dunk before putting them in the washer. we use disposables for air travel and it was the only time we have had poop up the back!

Is there an easy way to find out whether a charity is morally sound?

PS cloth diapers - I have a cousin who lives in China and she makes her own cloth pocket diapers.  However, she is the only person I know who doesn’t do her own laundry!  Hee!

Diane & Mary W.
I have also ended/limited friendship based on how poorly behaved someone’s children are.  I have a “friend” who I like and find interesting.  However, her 5 children are the biggest brats.  They’re rude, mean, disrespectful and terrorize my kids.  My “friend” does nothing to control/teach her kids.  She says lame things like “Mr. Benedict it’s not nice to trip other children” and then laughs.  I don’t understand it frankly - the best I can figure, is that her husband was raised in an over the top super strict household (bordering on abusive) and they are afraid to put limits on their kids.  So, now if I see her at all, it’s at adult only events. Sad.

LeAnn - I grew up with the scary stuff too, but my family also had many fun fall traditions.  We bake chocolate chip pumpkin cookies and decorate them together, have fall dinners with fav family recipes, carve pumpkins and roast the seeds…

Now that I have my own family (2yr old, 9mo old and one on the way), my Hubby and I have started some fall traditions ourselves.  We go on nature walks together and collect leaves, acorns etc.  The leaves my 2yr old and I glued onto a wreath and hung on our door. The bigger things like acorns can go into a mason jar on your table to discuss over dinner.  We don’t have tv, but do have internet, so we watch the old sesame street batty bat song (the count sings it) on youtube.com.  We cut out felt black bats and hung them in the windows.  The craftycrow.com also has some great non-scary ideas for kids this Halloween

To Mary W:
The only moms I stopped being friends with were women who held anti-Catholic beliefs I discovered a little ways into the friendship.

I will say this, as the other women here who have mentioned ending friendships, I think those are often cases where it has nothing to do with the child but more so with the parent and the issue of discipline. I know a lot of moms out there who use ADD/ADHD as an excuse for no discipline and some of them, shamefully enough, have children who don’t have those problems.

I speak from having a child on the autism spectrum disorder. I am up front with people about it so they can decide right away if it is something they can deal with. My child isn’t violent or destructive in the least but has anxiety issues and social awkwardness that sometimes scare people. I just pray for these people that they may grow to learn that she is a child just like everyone else and she craves love and affection like all human beings. If people don’t want to be my friend because I love my daughter the way she is (she is in therapy so that we can make her life easier) than that is their problem to take up with God.

Rebecca
You are indeed sowing the seeds!  My husband was seven when his parents sent him to CCD but slept in every Sunday.  His CCD teacher told him that there was a hole in the church where he was supposed to be every Sunday.  He got up the next Sunday morning, got dressed, told his parents where he was going and started walking.  You better believe that they were dressed and on their way before he made it all the way to the church!  They are faithful Catholics to this day, and proud of him for his determination.

RE: grinding wheat berries for flour…
THANKS for your input, ladies!  We are leaning towards a mill, since we’re baking bread for a family of 8 (with our eldest [13 y. old boy] having an enormous appetite).  We do order Montana ww flour & wheat berries (from Frankferd Farms in PA).  What a difference freshly ground flour makes in taste (& nutrition)!  My husband is sort of an anti-power-tool-old-fashioned-manpower- is-better (usually) kind of guy…so he’s kind of interested in a hand-powered mill.  Now if only he could hook it up to a stationary bike for the children to take turns on to grind the flour!  ;o)

Jacque—
I don’t have official documentation, but an Irish priest friend of mine told me about a “travel dispensation”, meaning that if you are travelling a long distance on a Sunday, you are not required to fulfill your Sunday obligation.  He told me this when I was freaking out on the way to Dublin airport to head home after I visited his family in Ireland one year.  You may want to look into this…I don’t think he made it up, but it could be just an “Irish thing”—they tend to be a bit more practical about issues of faith than we Americans do!    He laughs about the Puritan influence with which we approach our faith….

Rebecca,
To chime in, you are doing so much more than you will ever know. I know it doesn’t seem that way now, but keep praying for those kids and their families they need it probably more than you can imagine. We had an incident at our parish a few years ago where a catechist went on and on about this to students in her class only one of which was not a regular mass attendant. Finally, another student (these were fourth graders) raised his hand and told her that this little boy’s mother had cancer and he was getting a ride to ccd with non-Catholic neighbors on their way to their services (the little boy’s father had abandoned the family). Apparently this classmate had gone home and told his parents because he felt the other child was being picked on unfairly. After some investigative work the parents found out the reason for this child’s absence from mass and contacted other parents in the class to form a carpool for this little boy. They were going to let him know after ccd that week, but their son wasn’t willing to listen to his classmate being singled out again. That is why my advice is to pray. Before that incident I would probably have done the same thing as that teacher, but it made me realize that we can’t judge everyone in one basket where mass attendance is concerned. I would still mention that regular attendance at mass is always required and know you are doing right by the child or children affected.

My poor brother, Father Uncle Jimmy, gets hit with lots of questions about weddings—- so many that he tells me priests would much rather say a funeral! However he did say in most things we should trust the priest saying the Mass. In other words the invitation does not have to say what the readings will be. If the Mass is that close to your Sunday obligation you may in good faith trust that the priest discussed the Sunday obligation with the couple at the planning stages. (This even applies to situations where you aren’r sure if the couple should receive Eucharist without confession—- etc. Trust that over the course of the 6-12 months the priest has, to the best of his ability, prepared them for the Sacrament.)

As for me I am just glad I finally finished my first Brit Lit Paper and turned it in! We celebrated Columbus Day with my daughter home from college working on homework while I wrote. My son was even here some of the time. We had a whole meal with all 9 of us.