Print Blog
Email a FriendA family adventure! I don’t need or have room for anything, but I would love to have some time together with my family doing something out of the ordinary.
Valentine Help
what do you want for valentine's day?
Posted by Rebecca Teti in Marriage on Saturday, January 30, 2010 12:00 PM
Will you help me?
I’ve been asked to do an interview about what Catholic women want for Valentine’s Day.
I don’t think I know.
So… what do we want for Valentine’s Day?
Comments
Posted by Too practical on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 1:32 PM (EDT):
Neither my husband nor I are very into St. Valentine’s Day. It often seems so forced that this has to be a day for showing love. My husband believes (and I agree) that it is how love is shown the other 364 days that really counts. My husband has often been criticized (by coworkers) for not buying me flowers or candy and not taking me out for dinner. They don’t believe that I truly do not want those things. While I think flowers are pretty, I don’t want them because money has always been tight and I would rather that money be spent on something more useful. I have been told that I am too practical. There was one year that my husband gave me a wonderful gift: an entire month’s worth of him doing the dishes! In my mind, that shows more love than picking up some flowers at the store.
We aren’t very consistent with gifts on St. Valentine’s Day. And neither of us is bothered if nothing is given. Hopefully, we are able to demonstrate our devotion and affection the other days of the year. I think I’d rather have flowers unexpectedly than on a you-have-to-give-something-today day. It’s a sweet surprise if there is something though. And if I HAVE to choose a gift…
...dinner alone with my hubby and/or a new book:)
Posted by Jo Flemings on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 2:32 PM (EDT):
#1: I want a date with my husband. #2: And I want to get my act together enough ahead of time to make my kids feel extraordinarily loved and happy and special- with some of the cultural glitz to go with- red hearts and doilies, paper cards, chocolates, glitter etc. #3: And I want to do something meaningful with my kids for my older sons’ communities in religion- for men who have given their lives to Christ to become priests united to the Great Heart, Himself.
Long ago, even before we had kids, my hubby and I decided that we’d stay in every year for Valentine’s Day. It’s irritating to go out to a nice restaurant dinner only to be practically kicked out the door by waiters eager to seat the next couple. So we do dinner at home—it’s gotten less fancy, now that we have the boys—and exchange cards.
My birthday is on Feb. 17, so we do the nice restaurant dinner then. So yes, I DO like a nice romantic V-Day dinner in a fancy restaurant, and I always get it—it just comes three days later!
Funny story: our very first date was on February 8th, nine years ago. My poor husband: the very next week was V-Day, and THEN my birthday. Apparently, when you’ve gone on one date and really like the woman, this puts a guy in a bit of a quandary as to how to act, so as not to go overboard (or underboard). After much reflecting and consulting with female friends, he ended up calling me on V-Day and taking me out to dinner on my birthday, giving me a potted cyclamen and a card. He hit exactly the right note. No wonder I love the guy.
Posted by Mary Therese on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 6:47 PM (EDT):
Ginny, we were in a similar situation! Our first date was Thanksgiving weekend…his birthday was the first week in Dec, followed closely by Christmas and a New Year’s eve couples’ dance…what pressure! His mom asked him if he bought me a ring for Valentine’s Day (he didn’t), but he did bring me 1 dozen red roses. The ring was 6 weeks later…for Easter. 
Posted by Ginny on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 12:52 PM (EDT):
Mary Therese, what a great story! Our husbands are champs for weathering all those potential dating minefields, aren’t they?
Like you, our engagement also came on a holiday ... in our case, Thanksgiving. It’s nice to have another reason to celebrate on that day.
My husband and I don’t usually do anything special for Valentine’s Day. I prefer live flowers in pots and he already got me some for our anniversary which was back before Christmas, and since they are still living, I don’t need more =) However, now that my little ones are a bit older (4yrs), I want to do something special for breakfast, like heart shaped pancakes with strawberries and whip cream or the heart shaped eggs and toast idea from Martha Stewart. I might have to make that a tradition for Valentine’s Day…a HEARTy breakfast 
Posted by Letiicia Velasquez on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 4:25 PM (EDT):
I want my husband to take me to the Sweethearts Dance, hosted by Marriage Encounter. I want to put on a dress I haven’t been able to get into for awhile, since I started my new health regime. . . try out a new hairdo, actually put on makeup (with my teenagers’ help) and wow him as I totter down our stairs in heels.
Then I want to circle the dance floor under the disco ball throwing sparkles everywhere as we get wrapt up in each other again!
Posted by Anne in NYC on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 4:40 PM (EDT):
We go out for a nice dinner on whatever Friday or Saturday is near Valentines Day but is not the day itself. We don’t like being rushed by the waiters or being stuck in a crowded place. We also exchange cards, and he usually brings me some roses (they’re pretty cheap at the gocery stores here). This year we were both sick on our anniversary right after Christmas, so Valentines Day will be a little fancier than usual.
I agree that it can be overdone and that American consumerism has run away with the day, and I agree that if money is tight the celebration should be simple. However I just don’t understand the rationale of, “we show our love every day, therefore we ignore Valentines Day.” Admittedly it’s kind of a silly holiday if you don’t also keep in mind that St. Valentine was particularly fond of young couples. Nevertheless, it is a day set aside to remind us of the importance of romantic love in marriage (in addition to agapic love, fraternal love and friendship). Of course I’d love to receive flowers on a random day. But what does it say if he doesn’t bring flowers he one day every man in he city is bringing some home for his beloved? Frankly, I think it’s scandalous to withhold these outward signs of affection on the one day when our culture expects them. It just reinforces the stereotype of Catholics as puritanical fanatics who think sex and romance are evil.
Posted by Erin Manning on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 11:51 PM (EDT):
Have to disagree with this one. Because every other man is (theoretically) buying flowers on Valentine’s Day, the florists jack up the prices to the point of utter ridiculousness. As another poster pointed out, restaurants are eager to kick you out so the next couple can be seated. And for a couple married a while, the price of a babysitter on top of the overpriced flowers and the dinner out may make this holiday cost more than a couple might spend on each other at Christmas.
When you write, “Frankly, I think it’s scandalous to withhold these outward signs of affection on the one day when our culture expects them. It just reinforces the stereotype of Catholics as puritanical fanatics who think sex and romance are evil.” I think that there’s another point of view you might be missing. Our culture—our secular culture—has taken a day in which small sweet tokens of romance and homemade cards (until the 1840s, that is) were exchanged by friends and sweethearts and turned it into a seventeen BILLION dollar industry. An article from last year estimated that the average American consumer spends almost $123 on Valentine’s Day gifts. Each.
There is nothing wrong with wishing to celebrate romantic love a little bit on Valentine’s Day (though anniversaries are nice, too, and have the benefit of being entirely personal). But doing so because the secular culture expects it, and the materialistic/consumer culture thrives on it, seems a little out of place to me.
Posted by Claire on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 2:14 PM (EDT):
Well said, Erin. That’s why we keep Valentine’s Day very low-key in my house. I would rather focus on our love all year round, and acknowledge it in a special way on our anniversary, when restaurants aren’t crowded (and overpriced) and flowers aren’t overpriced. I’m sure we will go out to dinner at some point over Valentine’s Day weekend, as we can always use an excuse for a much-needed and rare date-night. And we’ll do something special with my toddler so he can see the connection between the holiday itself and all the heart crafts he’s been making. But beyond that, I refuse to buy into the commercialism of what has become a Hallmark holiday. I feel the same way about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We keep them very low-key as well. For years, when I longed to become a mother (and before then, when I longed to be in a relationship), the hype over these holidays was very painful for me, and I don’t want to be a part of making them painful for others who are in my previous situation.
Posted by Too practical on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 10:07 PM (EDT):
It says that he knows me and loves me enough NOT to buy flowers just because “everybody is doing it.” Flowers are beautiful, but I would rather he not buy them for me. Saying this does not mean that I think noone should buy them. It doesn’t matter to me how you celebrate St. Valentine’s Day, I don’t see why you should judge how we do (or do not) celebrate. It is not withholding if it is a mutual decision.
Posted by Christine Hebert on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 4:41 PM (EDT):
My birthday is on the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes (Feb. 11), so we realy don’t do Valentine’s day. I may pick up some candy hearts for the kids, but that is about as far as it goes. I’m with Too Practical above. I prefer to make sure we are being good stewards of our money.
Posted by Francine Pirola on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 5:01 PM (EDT):
I don’t know if this is want Catholic women want but I know this is what the church needs: check out this resource from the Australian Catholic Bishops and help put the ‘SAINT’ back into SAINT Valentine’s Day! Australian parishes and schools are being urged by the bishops to use the feast to honour married couples in their communities and reclaim this feast for life-long married love.
Posted by hopeful on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 5:45 PM (EDT):
The members of our parish organize a marriage mass and dinner following. Father does a marriage blessing and the church is decorated with the wedding look. A few cooks prepare the meal and everyone is able to come for dinner and dancing. Donations are accepted. The night is set for romance and visiting. Personally, I enjoy it, but I also long for quite time with my husband too. Lastly, I think ROMANCE is being replaced in our country with practical (even though I am practical). Men really should get more creative in being spontaneously romantic. This is what helped build a solid foundation before marriage and we probably weren’t wooed by anything too practical before marriage…... A wonderfully caring and thoughtful husband will try and do more than the “norm” even if it doesn’t fall on Valentine’s day. In our fast paced culture couple’s really need to spend some romantic and quality time together or we just go about life in a mundane sort of way. It doesn’t all fall to the man, but maybe I’m a little traditional.
Posted by Mary L. on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 6:02 PM (EDT):
We usually stay in. I make a fancy chicken Florentine dinner and we have a candlelit dinner in our room. The children are our waiters/waitresses and I make a fancy chocolaty dessert. I feed the kids first and then we can have a little time to ourselves. I love receiving little gifts like chocolate/a rose or potted plant/nighties. My husband is very good about writing me a poem or lovely card that I treasure. (He has laminated some of them which I use for decoration in our room at St. Valentine’s Day.) These are low cost and memorable evenings. The kids do make cards for their grandparents/cousins and we do write ST. Valentine’s Day.
Posted by Caitlin on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 6:16 PM (EDT):
For Valentine’s day I usually like the cliched chocolate, flowers, love note kinds of things. I don’t necessarily need something insanely inventive or different, but just a small “I am thinking of you” token. I think Valentine’s day is a nice day for couples to reconnect and get romantic!
I know there are couples who are opposed to the consumerism and craziness that American culture has inserted into Valentines Day and I understand that, but I think that as long as my husband and I are celebrating Valentine’s Day in our own special way there is nothing wrong with it. If we actually all do say to our spouses every day “I appreciate you, I love you, You are wonderful, special and I am happy I married you” of course there would be no reason for a separate day of the year to do this. While I make it my goal to say that to my hubby every day, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes I fall short. The intent behind the holiday is to tell the people that we love that we love and appreciate them. Just because some other people have taken advantage of the holiday doesn’t mean that we all have to boycott the day.
Posted by Bethany Mistretta on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 6:28 PM (EDT):
I feel like this changes every year due to finances, life circumstances, etc. Ideally, I would like my husband to surprise me with a lobster dinner (really, I could take that any night of the year) at home. Certainly don’t want to waste my time sitting in a noisy restaurant on Valentine’s Day. However, I would be perfectly content sitting on the couch, eating a big bowl of popcorn, engaging in some conversation, and then watching a chick flick. That sounds like a great recipe for an extended date night after the movie. :0)
Wow. ‘Too Practical’ sounds exactly like I do.. well, maybe like I did… no flowers because they will die soon, and why waste the money… my husband is also of the mindset that buying me something on a day where he is ‘required’ by society to do so is not showing love. So, he started buying me flowers or some little ‘something’ on just any old day throughout the year.. Also as far as going out to dinner on V-day.. that is OUT of the question. EVERYone is going out that night so it is way too crowded. That said, I have come to the conclusion that I LOVE fresh flowers in my home… ha. After all these years of telling him not to get them, now I sometimes buy them for myself… They add such a fresh look to my home, and make me happy just seeing them… As for Valentine’s Day, I am really just hoping for a nice bottle of wine, some candlelight, and a fire… put the kids to bed early so we finally have some alone time, and we can just be together and talk. (seems we rarely have those moments anymore now that we have teens AND toddlers…) I wish all of you ladies a wonderful, love-filled Valentine’s Day.
Posted by Mary Therese on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 6:43 PM (EDT):
Been thinking about this one most of the day. For the most part, like several posters above, we don’t do much special…other than 19 years ago our oldest child appeared on that day. That birthday kind of overshadows the day for us each year anyway. As for what I “want”...I don’t think it’s any different than what I “want” any other day of the year—to know that I am loved. My husband already does that daily, in many ways. I like the idea of putting “Saint” back into it (and maybe losing some of the commercialization). We are both “too practical”, so gifts on a large scale don’t happen. I think my favorites have been the notes/poems he writes to me, and prints on plain copy paper…priceless! (Ha! The verification word is “together54”—I hope that means 54 years!!!)
Posted by Carol Brady on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 7:30 PM (EDT):
Last year DH & I made a playlist of songs for each other. We each chose songs that reminded us of the other, our history or relationship. After dinner with the kids, we loaded out playlists onto each others ipods. It was the greatest gift.
Sapphire earrings. There I said it.
Being our first married Valentine’s I figure I’d better set the bar pretty high or never get there 20 years from now.
What I’ll probably get for real- some grocery store flowers and perfume and I’ll love them
What I’m giving him- a sleeping bag for two with the promise of camping trips this spring.
Posted by laurajean on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 11:11 PM (EDT):
I agree that St. Valentine’s Day has become overcommecialized, but yet I still enjoy knowing that my husband thought enough about me to do something special. I would love flowers - just not the over-priced roses! However, my oldest son’s birthday is Feb 14, so that day is usually reserved for him, and hubby and I do something the next day - dinner and movie, when the restaurants are much less crowded (and less expensive!)
Posted by Mary Beth on Saturday, Jan 30, 2010 11:38 PM (EDT):
Apparently, at least this year, I want to sit with my hubby watching the Daytona 500.
Posted by tarynn snodgrass on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 9:35 AM (EDT):
i am right there with you! my husband has been working many weeks in a row without a day off, and last week he told me he was taking a vacation day on Feb. 14th. Silly me, I thought it was bc of valentine’s day! he then informed me that it was bc the Daytona 500 was going to be on! so i’ll do what i usually do to make the kids day special, heart shaped pancakes for breakfast with special homemade placemats for each. a little bag of candy and maybe a book or a little treat. then we’ll watch the race with friends we haven’t seen in a while, and hopefully, when they’re gone, i can do something special for the two of us, and we can just spend a nice relaxing evening alone, which is what i want more than anything!
Posted by Peggy Bowes on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 9:35 AM (EDT):
I don’t like the “forced romance” of Valentine’s Day. I’d rather get daisies in June “just because” than a dozen roses on V-Day. I always feel sorry for the poor guys in line at the supermarket at 5 pm, clutching the last bunch of partly wilted roses, because their wives will kill them if they don’t come home with something.
We never go out for dinner either because the restaurants are crowded, the food is mediocre and the service is rushed. We’d rather spend money on a nice, quiet dinner on a random weekday when the rush is over. I usually cook a nice dinner at home on Feb. 14th (but I might make an extra-special chocolate dessert…)
Finally, Valentine’s Day usually occurs during the beginning of Lent. Feast days can certainly be celebrated during Lent, and I prefer to take this approach—a brief celebration of a saint’s feast during a time of fasting, sacrifice and penance—rather than a chance to nag my husband about showing his love.
We were supposed to be engaged on Valentine’s Day but my hubby couldn’t wait so he proposed on Groundhog’s Day instead. So we celebrate on Feb. 2nd when the restaurants are less crowded and flowers are 80% cheaper. I usually just like a nice dinner out by ourselves since that is so rare for us. I don’t know if I’ll get is this year though since we are attending a couple’s night on the 6th. I don’t want to overtax the grandparents!
Posted by Therese on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 10:03 AM (EDT):
Valentine’s Day is also our Anniversary. I want a sentimental card and a night out with dh at our favorite restaurant - not on the 14th. We also have gotten into some sort of breakfast treat on birthdays and anniversary - a danish or muffin or something of the sort. I’d love breakfast in bed too or even just my coffee made for me. I absolutely don’t want him to spend money that we don’t have on flowers, jewelry or even chocolate. And truthfully, I’m glad to not have to try to come up with some novel or fancy gift for him. BUT I don’t want the day ignored.
Posted by abbie on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 11:35 AM (EDT):
For Christmas (I know different holiday) a few years ago, my husband arranged for a babysitter, scheduled a spa day and a house cleaner to give me “a day off.” This was the best gift I ever received, because I felt like so loved and appreciated. I don’t hold out for this every year/ gift giving occasion, but I still appreciate an act of thoughtfulness over an item. For example, if we go out to dinner, for him to make all the arrangements makes it so much more romantic than if I have to get the sitter, the reservation etc. Also, because my husband does do thoughtful things throughout the year, a token is more than enough for Valentine’s day, which we usually celebrate when it is convenient to the schedule.
Posted by T on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 12:24 PM (EDT):
We go to the store a few days before hand and exchange cards at the store. Cards are so expensive when you think about the fact that you only keep for for a few weeks before they either end up in the trash or adding to the paper clutter. Other then that we don’t really exchange gifts. However, this year I’d love to have the baby, who is due at the end of the month on Valentines! It’d be a great gift!
I want to be done with taxes and fafsa and sick kids so I can think about doing something for him. I just can’t seem to get my brain in gear enough to notice he’s done something nice for me.
Last night he cooked a fab dinner for me but what I noticed was he went shopping for more food when the fridge and freezer are full. I can be really stupid sometimes.
Posted by Donna L. on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 4:40 PM (EDT):
My sweetie picks out a new fruit tree for our family *orchard* and my gift is—he digs the hole, puts in good soil and plants my tree for me! I love this tradition! And my new “Frost Peach” is already planted!
Many years ago, when I was sulking about not getting something on St. Valentines’ Day, he lamented that it was a “made-up Hallmark Holiday” and how much he disliked being told what to do on that day.
So, I decided that I am in charge of celebrations—-I make a gooey dessert, get everyone a primrose for their garden, boxes of conversation hearts and a couple of little gifts to share.
So, I don’t wait around for others to celebrate the way *I* would…I just do it! No more sulking….everyone wins!
My husband and I started our Valentine tradition when we first started dating in college.
He always makes me his version of Spaghetti a la homer (my favorite meal!).
When we first started dating he accidentally left the computer screen on with the recipe he was cooking to surprise me that evening. After a college class I had popped over to use his computer and saw the recipe. I acted surprised when he made it that night. We laugh over this every Valentine’s Day.
In addition, we always watch a comedy movie and laugh, enjoying being together. Sometimes I am nursing a baby during this special date or soothing a tired toddler. It’s a fun romantic day that we enjoy. Though, would love to learn more about the St. Valentine himself.
Posted by Elizabeth Anne on Sunday, Jan 31, 2010 6:01 PM (EDT):
My husband and I give each other cards or handwritten notes and cook a nicer dinner together. We’re sort of newlyweds and sort of broke since we have a new baby boy. : ) Actually, he is being baptised on the 14th, so I asked to get myself flowers this year,so I can use them to decorate for the party afterward. Also, I’m getting a pedicure. Yay!
Post a Comment
By submitting this form, you give Faith And Family Magazine permission to publish this comment. Comments will be published at our discretion, and may be edited for clarity and length. For best formatting, please limit your response to one paragraph and don't hit "enter" to force line breaks.
