Well-Child Visits—For Teens
Posted by Rebecca Teti in Health on Monday, December 07, 2009 2:00 PM
A friend posted a great question to our neighborhood listserve the other day.
At her child’s latest check-up, the doctor prepared her for the fact that beginning next year, she (the mom) will be asked to step outside for part of the exam.
My friend understands that at a certain point she will have to stop being present, but is very uncomfortable with the idea that the cut-off age is 13 (the age her son will be at his next check-up)!
I’d love to hear reactions and advice from those of you who have already confronted this problem.
Meanwhile, I will summarize the range of reactions to my friend’s post.
One person made the (admittedly radical) choice not to take her kids to well-child check-ups. She added:
I personally remember those doctors visits when my mother was asked to leave, and other appointments where I went by myself, and all it did was foster the concept that my mother was the enemy. No way am I going to leave my minor children in those situations.
Another mom wrote with practical advice and a stern warning:
I would ask my child if he or she wanted me to stay. None of my kids particularly like being alone with a strange adult, so they always asked me to stay. Since the child had expressed the preference in front of the doctor, I got no argument, only disapproving looks.
The laws in Maryland [where we all live] regarding what the doctor is allowed to talk to your child about, and treat your child for without your permission or knowledge—it’s truly horrendous. Stay in the room.
One friend recommended talking to the doctor ahead of time about what was acceptable to discuss even if she stayed in the room.
if I was standing there and the doctor brought up something that my kids wouldn’t have encountered for another 3 years (and I interrupted and stopped him), now I have to go home and have that talk with them early.
To which the “stern warning” mom responded:
The problem is that the law is interpreted in such a way that most doctors consider that they are required to discuss with your children exactly what you are not comfortable with them discussing. The very fact that you and your husband have clear boundaries, while you might think that is simply good parenting, the doctor is trained (brainwashed, indoctrinated) to consider that a sign of abuse. They are not trained or encouraged by the medical profession in general to consider that parents are working partners in the well being of children.
But a different mom took the view that it is definitely possible to find doctors who want to work with you:
the doctor that we see does routinely have conversations with patients about things that I find immoral. However, the practice has worked with many parents about this issue and will only touch on issues that the parents find appropriate and/or allow the parents to be involved in the conversation. So, the advice that was given to me and that is practiced by the parents at our Parish is: talk with your doctor and if they feel uncomfortable abiding by your rules find a new doctor. There are PLENTY of doctors in the area who are Catholic and or at least respectful of your beliefs as parents.
Yet another woman suggested talking to the doctor before jumping to conclusions:
Maybe the doctor is not the enemy afterall and you feel the questions are legitimate and appropriate. If you want to allow your preteen some privacy, then talk to your child. Tell her you will be asked to leave, is it ok with her, this is what the doctor will discuss with her, etc. This could avoid her being embarrassed by the questions and possible answers of the doctor and prepare her to answer as much or as little as she likes.
By way of comparison, here’s an article about a girl’s first gyn. exam that gives an idea of professional attitudes on the topic.
So many thorny questions involved in a simple check-up!
And now, says you: would you respect a doctor’s request that you step outside during your child’s check-up?
If you have encountered this difficulty already, what did you do?
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