When my older two children (a girl and a boy) reached a certain age, I asked them prior to any visits if they wanted me to stay or not.  Both wanted me there and that is how it has been.  Our pediatrician also knows where we stand on issues of life and contraception and vaccinations and is very respectful of our wishes.  We have always had an open and honest relationship with our pediatrician.  I think we have been blessed with her and her treatment of all of our children.

When my teens( 19 YO girl, 16 &13; YO boys) were ready for their first check up after turning 13, I talked to them . I asked my daughter if she wanted me in the room ( she did) so I instructed her to tell the med assistant who took her to the room to mark her chart. When the doctor came in, she read the request ouit loud as I sat there. She then asked my daughter the questions( sexual in nature) with me in the room. When my daughter was seventeen, she had some problems with ovarian cysts and we again talked . I suggested this time that she go back to the room alone and have the med assistant call me in when the exam, I thought she would need,( she did not) was done. I felt that seventeen was of age to need privacy .
As for my son’s My husband and I   ask if they would rather have Dad take them and stay in the room the whole time , have Mom take them and wait in the waiting room and talk to the doctor afterwards , or have Mom go into the room with them but step out before any male parts are exposed.Both boys opted for Dad to come along. I do feel that at thirteen a boy is too old to have his Mom watch him be examined as well as at thirteen a girl shouldn’t have her Dad present. To me it is mere modesty( this is the same reason that I found my daughter a female GYN instead of taking her to my male GYN)
As far as asking questions….... We talk with our children long before thirteen so that is not an issue for us. I also see no problem with the kids answering or even asking questions of their own in private.

Stressful topic!  I would not step out.  I remember having to be left alone with a doc when I was very little, under 11 years old in Switzerland and I was very uncomfortable.
My husband and I both agree that as long as our child is a minor, under 18, we would not let our child be alone with any adult, doctor or not, until they are 18 years old. There is NO WAY I would allow this.  I feel that the doctor works for me, so I will set the rules.  I’ve always taken the doctor’s advice, but I don’t let them decide how I will raise my children.  If there was a law that said I had to leave my child w/ the doc alone, I would not take my child to the doc or find another doctor.

What a great post! I’ve only got 2 little guys (2 y/o and 6 m/o) but I never even thought of this stuff. Thanks for providing food for thought!

In regard to gyn appts for your daughter, a friend had her daughter at the age of 13 go to a gyn fir firts time.  She was asked to step outside so her daughter can feel free to discuss what she wanted to discuss.  It turned out the doctor gave her birth control pills.  AS you know in our society, teenages are treated as if they are irresponsible and give birth control just in case.  I plan on not taking my daighters to the gyn b/c the only reason you would if they are sexually active or they are having a medical problem.  I did not go to the gyn for the first time until I was 25.  I remember my mom asking me if I had been to a gyn.  I said no.  I am not marriend.  I thought I would only go when I was getting married.  I was not active, you see.  Mom told me that now that I was 25, it was time to go for my gyn health.  One would say that by not taking my dauighyters to gyn in high school, I may “force” them to go to planned parenthood or someplace where t hey would give birth control without parental consent.  This is possible.  But. I am praying that my girls will feel comfortable talking with me about sex etc.  I agree that I will not allow some doctor to tell me how to raise my children.  It may be that with a boy at age of 13, they want privacy as they will be required to strip down.  I will leave the room so they can undress and cover themselves up with a cloth and I will return.  That is what a doctor does.

In our state, WI, the age is 12. I have no access to their med record online and my children can give permission via a signed paper for me to be in the room. Thankfully we have a great doc to overlooks those rules for our family. She thinks they are stupid and isn’t afraid to acknowledge it.

We have been fortunate that our pediatricians have been (mostly) respectful of our decisions as parents regarding our childrens’ health/medical needs.  Even if the doctor were a faithful Catholic who shared our views regarding vaccinations, sexuality, etc.—I would still be sure either myself or my husband were in the room with our daughters & sons—until age 18, as Elisa also posted.

Thanks for posting this!  My oldest is 12 and it didn’t even dawn on me that this would be coming up soon.

Mt first visit with the Gyn. was at age 18, after I got engaged.  It was not a problem to wait until then. My girls 23, 19, 17 haven’t been yet either.

Our regular pediatrician has never asked us to leave the room. She will allow us in the room until our child is 16 - at which time, they are “dismissed” from the pediatrician’s practice and records forwarded to our regular family doctor.

I had my then 6 m/o in for a well baby visit - my 6 year old daughter and my 3 year old son were with me because I could not find a sitter. The substitute pediatrician required my 6 year old to turn and face the wall while my little guy was examined. I asked her about this after… it is a cultural thing for her. I told her it was not a problem for us, as my daughter enjoys helping me with the babies and helps give baths and change diapers. She’s an awesome little mommy helper. She explained she would have had the boys turn if my daughter was being examined. I told her, for future reference, not to worry about it because the boys help with their younger siblings. While my 3 yo may only be handing me a diaper or wipes or something - he still helps me with his little brother and little sister!

I remember when I was 15 - I was in the ER with doctors I had never met before. I was having bad pain in my right side. Being thorough, a pelvic exam was ordered… WHAT?!? They asked my dad to leave the room. I was scared to death. No way I will ever let my daughter (or my sons) experience anything like that. I had several ovarian cysts rupture. But I hate going to my GYN - probably because I was so traumatized by that first exam.

My oldest daughters appointment was horrible…I went with the woman practitioner instead of the doctor who I love and new us well. The woman asked (in front of me) my 12 year old daughter if she was sexually involved, using drugs or alcohol, and other crazy questions. Then she made her take off her shirt, stretch out her arms and did a breast exam…(what breast?) I was so upset and complained to my doctor. After feeling so upset at the women practitioner for about 3 years, I finally called her before my next 13 year old daughters check up and explained that she was shy and nervous. She did an amazing quick check up with no questions, now I know I just need to work with her. So I suggest calling in advance and just explaining the situation. Words like nervous and shy worked great for me.+JMJ+

In our practice, even when *I* am examined, a female nurse is called in to the room before my exam…

My ten year old daughter was completely mortified during a regular, not ob, visit when the male doctor pulled her pants down partway (middle of her buns) to check her lower spine for curvature.  Now, I know this is probably normal practice, but he didn’t even EXPLAIN WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO BEFORE HE DID IT.  My daughter has been extra careful to be modest and she was really upset.  I was so glad I was there so I could quickly ask what he was doing, he gruffly explained, I was reassuring and told her it was the only way he could check her lower back.  Needless to say, we do not see that person any more.  I believe all patients deserve the respect of a quick explanation of what to expect, what is happening etc.  *I* was even upset at the lack of communication on his part.

I would NOT leave the room and leave my child alone with any doctor male or female until they are the age that they do not want me in the room with them.  I would still ask that another adult be in the room during the exam.
I would tell the doctor that it is as much to protect my child as them—-just like Heather said, abuse comes in many forms!

I have stated in front of my doctor and teen which topics we have already covered—this way the doctor knows I’ve addressed them and the wording we’ve used. I do wish I’d stepped out for one of my children. We later discovered a very serious issue she had not told us about. If my doctor, who knew I wanted what was best and was trying to address all issues, had gotten her to talk we may have solved things early. Instead they escalated.
So I guess for the rest I will give them the option, after telling the doctor what we already discussed. There is no right answer. Pray that if your child needs direction the right person comes along.

I guess I’ll be getting to this point in just over a year or so with DS. I think we’ll do what others have suggested and give him the choice of Mom or Dad going with him. So far we have a female pediatrician in the group and he’s been OK with that. But even last year (at 11), I asked if he was still OK with her or wanted to change to one of the male doctors in the same practice. So we’ll keep the communication open with our son. But I was thinking about modesty—I hadn’t thought about the questions yet!

But about your older teen daughters, I had a similar experience to Lynn. My first pelvic exam was done very abruptly in an ER when I was 18 (away at college). I strongly suggest that you consider this possibility. Even girls who are not sexually active might benefit from a calm gyn exam with a trusted doctor to check for medical concerns, or even just to understand what the exam will entail.

I can’t speak to this from a parents’ perspective (as I’m not a parent yet), but as a young adult, I still remember *going* to a pediatrician. I don’t remember the doctor making my mom leave against my wishes. Often, I went to the doctor with my younger sister and mom for my well child visits. He would mention to all of us, that if I *wanted*, then the visit could be private. I think I only said yes once and I was about 16 or 17 at the time.

I think the advice the one woman gave, asking your child, is the best advice. I think that having an open, honest relationship with your teen will help too. Regardless of whether you stay or don’t say, listen to the doctor or not, your teen *will* eventually learn abouts contraception, sex, etc somewhere. Open the lines of communication early (and don’t harshly judge those that you feel have made mistakes in front of your teen… you may make him or her fear talking to you *if* s/he ends up in the same place).

I was never asked to step out with my older daughter (20) and would not have, if asked, nor will I with our 14 yo twin daughters!  We have known our doc, professionally & socially, for 25 years~ we have “grown up” together.

I do not leave my girls with anyone of that type of “authority” alone until they are of legal age.

My oldest, a boy is 14.  He is beyond the age for his mom to be in the doctor’s office with him.  I respect his privacy and the professionalism of our pediatrician.  I do not have an adversarial relationship with our family pediatrician.  As for my daughters, when the time comes I will ask them what they wish and then I will allow them to make the decision on their own.

As I am reading this I am thinking of how important this is to the discussion in Washington right now…government run health care!! We will not have the option to seek out a doctor that agrees with our moral standards. You will go to the doctor at your clinic….and have no other choice. I currently live in the UK with the “National Health System” and you have very few…make that NO…. choices. In some places you can see a doctor under private insurance, if you can find them…in our town there are no pediatricians, no OB/GYN’s to see privately. And under this proposed health care bill in the US, private insurance will be ILLEGAL by 2013…so you wouldn’t have that choice anyway!! We need to fight this…for the sake of our children!

I remember when I was 16, my mom drove me to the Dr. telling me they would probably ask her to leave the room and that they would ask me if I was sexually active.  When I got there, I was nervous, my mom left the room, they asked the question, I said “No, I’m not”- then they offered me birth control.  I said, “Why?  I’m not sexually active, nor if I was would I go on birth control.”...then they PUSHED BC again, saying “but at least you’d have it just in case…so at least you’d be covered in case you decide to one night.”  I remember feeling offended, frustrated at their lack of respect and looks of disbelief, looking at me like I was naive or something. 

For this reason, and all the reasons listed in this article, when my children near puberty, we will switch to a pro-life, preferable Catholic, family Dr.  In the meantime, we’ll keep going to a ped close to us….even though, you’d be surprised, when my oldest was 2 and 1/2, she spoke to me about making sure she gets the HPV when she’s 11.  Ya, we’ll be switching peds before that time for sure!

good luck getting me to step out. When I was 15 and at a family doctor for an ear re-check he requested I have a pelvic exam while he had his hand on my knee. thankfully I had a the presence of mind to beat feet and tell my mom. 2 years later I was assaulted by a gynecologist during an ultrasound. It was witnessed by a nurse who did nothing but say sorry after he left.
if it is a doctor I know very well and trust and my child asks that I leave, then I will but not other any other circumstance. dd is 16 and I have yet to be asked to leave by her or the physicians.

As a physician, I simply will say that my children are, until the age of 18, under my protection.  No reason to leave the room, no legal requirement to.
Simple as that.

Also, at the bottom of the article it mentions contacting the Susan G. Komen foundation, which supports Planned Parenthood. See here: http://www.physiciansforlife.org/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=920