Good Morning mamas! I have a quick question today. What is an appropriate way to let family members know that is okay for them to say they would rather your developmentally delayed child not be at their child’s birthday party? A very small bit of background: my two-year-old daugther has an autism-spectrum disorder (although no one will say it is autism 100% at this age) and is very upset at crowd situations and new social situations. This is very upsetting to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law who don’t understand the delay but still love our daughter very much. I understand fully not wanting to explain to the parents of their son’s friends what is going on with the two-year-old having the non-stop tantrum. They sent an invitation to his birthday party but it came with a disclaimer kind of “we really want you to come, but we understand it might not be an option because of the situation.” I just want to let them know it is ok not to invite us without coming off as defensive or insulting to them. We can, and have in the past, celebrated in a smaller way with just them. Does anyone know how to do this right?

Does anyone have tips on how to get red wax out of carpet?

God is great!!!!  We just found out I am pregnant with our third!!!!  I would like to ask for your prayers for a healthy baby, a happy delivery, and good recovery.  I just want to shout it to the world, and in this way I can.  And I want to say that those suffering with PCOS (as I am one), “It is possible.”  It took us two years before we concieved my first borne, many tears, many prayers, a visit to Medjugorje (unrelated at the time but absolutely God-sent), a visit to a shrine to Mary in Croatia, and even more prayers with a final giving it to God and deciding that He wanted us to adopt.  Then we concieved with the help of Chlomid.  We were further blessed after only two rounds of Chlomid concieving my 2nd son.  And now we didn’t even need the use of Chlomid for this baby.  I know that God has different plans for all of us, but I just wanted to offer hope to some who may be struggling with some fertility problems.  May our Merciful Father in Heaven bless you!

Kristen,

Is this not what they have done ? I would say that this is their way. They said that they love your daughter but gave you an out. The only difference is that they put the ball in your court instead of not inviting you at all. I would simply call and request a time when you could celebrate with just them ( as you mention has worked well ) .

Laura,
try Goo gone on a spot of carpet where you can make sure that it doesn’t fade . The bottle says that it works on wax, though I have only used it for things like bubble gum.It is fairly inexpensive and worth a try

I need an opinion from you guys.  I will have my wedding in Jan in Brazil but I live in London and my fiance is from NM.  Due to that situation we cannot accept any “normal” gifts on the wedding and I can’t even have a wedding registry because we will be living in London only for a year after that.  Our financial situation is not comfortable enought to just say “please donate to charity instead”.  We came up with the solution of a wedding website with all details - so families both side of the Atlantic can know what is going on and where, with a page for Gifts where we explain the situation and ask for “virtual gifts” -what is actually money -instead, with a link to PayPal where people can give us whatever they want.  The page is designed as a registry page, with household items and respective “prices”, but there is an explanation that is not.  Is that too confusing?
Well, my sister in law said that it is “ofensive” to ask for money.  I just want to come up with a sweet text explaining the situation.
If you received an invitation with those instructions for gifts, would you be offended by that?  Please let me know what you think, any suggestions welcome.

Jennifer,
Congratulations ! Prayers are on the way !

What are your thoughts on gardisal?  My oldest daughter is at the age where it is recommended.

Is HPV really so widespread that there needs to be a vaccine?  Is it as contagious as is claimed?  If it is, an infected father wouldn’t be able to simply change his daughter’s diaper without passing it on.  (Someone told me it can be spread by an infected person running their hand across the belly button area???  Is this true??)

Thank you for passing on any facts you know.  I want to make a very informed decision.

Karen:
There are more than 100 types of HPV.  Gardisal only protects against a few that are sexually transmitted and seemed to be linked to cervical cancer.

The FDA’s Q&A;on Gardasil:
http://www.fda.gov/cber/products/hpvmer060806qa.htm

Quote:“It is important to note that Gardasil did not protect against HPV types that are not in the vaccine.”

Kristen-
As the mother of a special-needs toddler (on the autism spectrum) and a high-need baby, I have found it easiest for myself and others just to take people at their word.  Whether it be an offer of help, an invitation to dinner, or even a request for an autism-spectrum flower girl (!) I assume that the person offering is sincere.  Most of the time the offer is sincere, and it would be a disservice to think otherwise.  This doesn’t mean that we accept every invitation; oftentimes I have to decline because it would be hard on our family.  In your situation, I would assume that your brother- and sister-in-law really do want your child at the party.  My decision would be based on whether atttending would be best for my child and my family.

Good morning to all,
Jennifer, Congratulations! I can feel your excitement. I will keep you and all who are expecting in my payers today.

Vicky, I am sorry I do think it is tacky to ask for cash. Usually mother of the bride and groom can pass this information on to others in a descrete way without actually writing it somewhere.

I am interested in Christmas ideas. I like to have my X-mas shopping done before Advent starts so I can concentrate on the real meaning of the season without all the hassles.We have always given our 5 children 3 gifts each but no with teens their requests are more costly, any ideas? I would also love any traditions for keeping kids intune with Advent.
I know it seems early but it’s chilly here in Iowa this morning!

Karen-
There have been fatalities that were linked to the Gardasil vaccine.  (You can google “gardasil deaths.”)  The vaccine is intended to protect against HPV as an STD.  I do not intend to give this vaccine to my daughters as I expect them to live a life of chastity.

Fireproof

I just wanted to share that we went to see the movie Fireproof this weekend.  It was absolutely beautiful and we loved it.  I think we get to the movies maybe once a year, at best, but this one was very much worth it.

Vicky,
It is still early in the morning here and I am reading and typing as I watch and wait with my youngest for his bus ( which could explain things) I do find this confusing. What I understand is that you have a page that lists gifts with prices, but you don’t want these gifts,you simply want cash. ( via pay pal) Is the list of gifts just to show what prices of things are so that people can give cash accordingly, or are they just there to make it look like a real registry ?
Either way, I must say that this would not work for my family. I have aunts and uncles age 50-70, who still don’t fully understand the registry thing. When a shower comes up I have five or six who give me money to get a gift from them ( sometimes individual, sometimes a group gift) Also, in my family about sixty percent give cash for weddings anyway but the other forty percent like to give a gift with meaning( sometimes pass down family silver tea services, the family silver ware or china and such or a handmade quilt,crocheted afghan, a piece of artwork, etc.) what your proposing, would be a slap in the face to these people.
This being said, my family is not your family, and yours may not feel the same.Your sisters in law’s advise , knowing your family, should , in my opinion ,be considered though.

re: money registry?
In many Asian countries, like China, cash is the only acceptible wedding gift.  And I grew up in a part of Western Pennsylvania where the “Dollar Dance” is still a part of most wedding receptions.  One way or another, the bride and groom really do appreciate cash gifts, perhaps more than a gravy boat.  Unless you are like my best friend from college, who almost had a nervous breakdown when she realized she didn’t get a gravy boat to match her china, and the pattern was discontinued.

The knot has some info on ettiquette:
http://wedding.theknot.com/online-wedding-registry/bridal-registry-tips/articles/asking-for-money-wedding-gifts.aspx

I don’t think it is tacky when people register for money gifts.  Perhaps the mothers of the bride and groom can gently prepare folks on their respective sides of the families to advise gently that your circumstances are unique and preclude your being able to accept much in the way of material gifts. 
You could register towards purchase of airfare, honeymoon events, or even that paypal-type site.

Vicky,

We’re so used to expecting gifts in our society that I think we sometimes forget they are first and foremost gifts. They are given freely and generously. We shouldn’t count on having them or their value in cash. I do think many would be turned off by a PayPal link. It would be presumptious. If your guests are inclined to give a gift they will ask you or a family member where/how/what.

Good morning! I had a couple of non-controversial comments to make from last Tuesday’s Coffee Talk, but just missed beating the comment cut-off. So, here they are….

Dawn - if you’d like more info (in addition to what others graciously shared) on nutritional approaches to male or female infertility, feel free to e-mail me; I’ve got some resources that might be of interest.

Mary - I think you got great advice in the Dr. Ray recommendation (for the 3 1/2 year old who doesn’t listen and obey the first time). It always helped me to remember that a child that age is NOT GOING to listen and obey the first time on many, many occasions. That’s my job as a parent - to ensure that they do. Clearly set the consequences for disobedience and then enforce them (that’s where you have to get up and do your part!). You could almost say it’s the child’s job to test the boundaries, to learn about consequences…ergo, to disobey. Parenting is hard work! But so worth it .

The red wax…. I had a white candle spill on carpet.  I got it up by taking a paper sack and using my iron (on lowest setting) and rubbing it over the sack.  The wax bleeds up in the sack.  Not sure if it will work with the color red, but it worked for me.  Good luck!

Karen,
Children of God for Life has a page with several links on the dangers & ineffectiveness of Gardasil:
http://www.cogforlife.org/gardasil.htm
Children of God for Life provides information on which vaccinations are tainted with aborted fetal cells.  God bless!

Vicky -
Just rereading my post. I didn’t want it to come off as being so critical. The explanation of your living situation without mentioning the gifts may be enough to prompt people to send cash or inquire as to what’s best. Maybe someone else here wil have a good idea!

Regarding Guardisil. We’ve chosen not to give our daughter this vaccine until it has proven to be a quality product. There have been 21 deaths and other terrible side effects associated with this vaccine.  I understand that some parents have decided against the vaccine because they believe it could promote an unchaste life.  I disagree.  Your daughter could live a chaste life, but marry a man who is a carrier of HPV, so she could be infected.  Also, while I too am promoting a virtuous life for my children, it would only take a couple of bad college choices to result in infection.  Once, (if ever) the vaccine is proven to be safe and effective, I will vaccinated my daughters, but hope to do so in a way that she wouldn’t even know (until later) that she’s received the vaccine (thus hoping to not send mixed messages to a teenager).

I want to make it clear that I am not forcing anyone into anything.  My problem is of a practical nature, not greedy.  If someone hands me any “normal” gift I would have to put it to eBay or give it to someone else, I can’t put “gravy boats” on my suitcase and fly to the US, and then to Brazil , and then to England!  I’d rather not have anything than to have a problem to sort out during my short honeymoon.

Vicky - two thoughts.  Have you considered letting your extended family “spread the word” about your situation?  Many people feel really awkward about cash in lieu of a gift.  Sometimes people find a great gift, for a low price and while they would be happy to give you the gift, they would be embarassed to give you the $35 - it might seem cheap.  Another thought is for you and your husband to write a heartfelt note explaining the situation.  You’ll need to bend over backwards to make it clear that you do not expect gifts, but if they chose to give one you want to make sure you can enjoy it. 

(I wish I could help you with the language . . . when my kids have a b-day party, I write on the invitation “We are looking forward to celebrating x’s birthday with you!. (Insert other details of the party) If you chose to give a gift, please do not spend more then $10.  But, please do not feel you must bring a gift.  Your company is what X is most excited about.”) (BTW - where we live the typical b-day gift is $20-25 dollars.  Isn’t that nuts?

Hi!  Anybody have tips for college-agers trying to discern between religious life and marriage/motherhood?  thanks!

I have a friend who has 2 children with Type 1 Diabetes.  They recently participated in a Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation fundraiser and have sent me an email link to donate to this in their name.  Normally, I would.  But in addition to funding great research, the JDRF lobbies heavily for embryonic stem cell research.  While I would love to help fund diabetes research, I don’t want to support ESCR.  I could donate to another organization.  Should I tell my friend why? 
(there is no way on the JDRF website to say “direct my money here, not there”)  Would you explain why, or just make the other donation and not tell them why it’s to a different group?  Not sure how to make this less awkward.

RE:  wedding gifts

The “traditional” Emily Post way to avoid having to fly around from wedding to honeymoon to wherever while carrying your wedding gifts is to specify on the gift registry the address to which the gifts are to be sent, which can be your future home together (if you know the address already) or your/his parents’ home, or even the home of a god-parent or friend who has agreed to keep them all for you.  This information can also be sent through the grapevine by word of mouth.

Originally, it was considered tacky to show up at the wedding, gift in tow. 

——
RE: HPV and Gardasil

There are lots (at least 100 identified) strains of HPV.  Some cause diseases that are transmitted sexually.  Others cause things like common warts and cold/canker sores.  Gardasil is purported to provide a 60-85% protection rate against the four types of HPV that are the long-term cause 80% of cervical cancer.

As far as I know, there are NO forms of HPV that are so contagious that they can be transmitted from person to person via a casual brush of the hand.  The sexually-transmitted versions certainly aren’t that contagious.

We used to do sympto thermal NFP, but after having two children 14 months apart, and not taking many temps after being up all night with a baby, we are looking to switch to another form of Natural Family Planning.  Any information/suggestions on the differences between Creighton, Billings, and Mucus-Onlu NFP?  We are not quite sure which one will work for us, because we do not know the difference between these three types.  Thanks!

Vicky:
Where I come from (Long Island NY), money is always given at the wedding and the presents are always for the bridal shower.  When I moved to a totally different area (upstate NY which is kind of like another country…lol) I learned there are still some areas of the country that do ‘real’ gifts at a wedding. I still find it funny to see a real gift table at a wedding rather than just an envelope box or wedding purse, which the bride puts all the cards in for safety during the wedding.
Therefore, I still find it odd you have to put it on your wedding website you would prefer money to gifts.  If there is no bridal shower, IMO, most people are going to send money anyway, esp, if it is an out of country wedding and residence anyway.  I think, through parental ‘spreading the word’, most guests would probably give money anway or even gift cards or certificates.  If you don’t register anywhere, what gifts will they send anyway?  I would take it off the website, but maybe put a discreet note on the website saying ‘for best gift ideas, since we will be living abroad, talk to our parents!’
On another topic, any cheap ideas for entertaining a toddler indoors during a rainy spell?  My son is only 14 monts and very active.  He is not into TV (which is good I guess) but he wants to go, go, go until his nap at about 1pm and it makes for a long morning.  Thanks!

Looks like I am in the minority here but I did decide to have my daughter ( now 18) vaccinated with Gardisal awhile back. I did it because my doctor, who I have known for years and is a family friend explained that even though my daughter is not planning on ever having sex with anyone but her (future) husband, her future husband may not have lived by the same s and could infect her. I am a vaccine liberal,( I see it that with most vaccines the pros outweigh the risks) so convincing me was not too hard. I can not speak for anyone else, but my daughter had no side effects from the series of injections

Vicky-
Another possibility is just not to register for anything, and when people call you or one of the bridesmaids, the answer could be, quite truthfully, “we are just not in a position to accept traditional wedding gifts.”  Then they can ask if you want money instead.  Yes, the exact opposite of what I suggested a few minutes ago, but I’m just throwing out ideas.

We have a somewhat similar situation as our family lives overseas.  Last Christmas we went back to the US and I emailed everyone telling them they were under no obligation to buy Christmas presents, but if they did, please buy something small because we were limited in how much we could bring back with us (basically what would fit into our suitcases).  At the time, my son was only four, and would have been just as enthused if everyone got him a new book or one Star Wars action figure as he was for the race car sets and ride-on toys people still got him.  Those large toys are now in storage, and the action figures and trains are here with us.

I have a request this morning. My little sister is in the Navy and on deployment right now. She’s on the USS Howard, so she was actually involved in that pirate thing the past few days. Anyway, please include her in your prayers. She is having a hard time right now. Thank you!

Laura,
I have also spilled red wax on carpet. I got all of it up by getting several layers of paper towel and, with my iron on low, iron it out but placing the paper towel underneath the iron. If that doesn’t help, my book “How to clean anything” says use Goo Gone.

I did my discerning in the college years (early 2000’s) and found it most helpful to visit a variety of convents.  I visited eight convents before I found one in which I could picture myself—and it was there that I finally discerned my call to marriage.

I think that, similar to how the religious have to have an appreciation for the married life, the most successful marriages will have an appreciation for the religious life.  Instead of thinking “I could never do that, so I must be called to marriage” I ended up with a feeling of “How wonderful it would be to be a sister, but marriage is even better for me.”

Today I have a prayer request for all of you.  On Thursday night, my hubby’s cousin Brittney was in a very serious car accident.  She is still alive, thanks be to God, and has been exceeding expectations so far.  She fractured every bone in her face and her skull in several places (as well as breaking a leg and several ribs).  Her brain was very severely swollen at first, but it is now coming down slowly without medication.  She also is struggling with a fever, which the doctors fear my be related to an infection.  She is in a coma.

Please pray for her, her three friends who were also in the vehicle (all are out of the hospital now), her family, and her doctors.  We are hopeful that she will wake up, and recover from her injuries.

Thank you!

I need potty training advice. My son is 3.5 and mostly potty trained. However, he doesn’t always go #2 in the toilet. One day last week he went in his pants three times! It is really hard to take underwear off of him without getting him dirty, and once it is off I am not sure how to clean it. I try to empty the contents into the toilet and swirl the undies around until most of the stuff comes off, but sometimes it doesn’t come off very well. I don’t have a washer, so then I have to cart the filthy thing to the apartment laundromat, but sometimes the washers are full or out of order so I have to wait a few days before cleaning them. What is a sanitary way of cleaning them, and how do I get my son to consistently go in the toilet?

I’m posting an e-mail sent out by the American Life League that I received about the HPV vaccine. I will not be getting this vaccine for my daughter. While I agree that a chaste daughter may marry a man who carries the virus I think that she can choose to get the vaccine herself when the time comes if it comes down to that. Getting this vaccine for a daughter who is underage is just assuming that your child will become sexually active before marriage. This vaccine has not been on the market long enough to know the future side effects of it and it is marketed for younger girls. Why? If I were to be engaged to a man who may possibly have this virus I may consider the vaccine but only during the engagement period - not when I was 14 years old! This vaccine only covers 4 strains of the virus when there are many more, so it is in a way a false sense of security. Just another shot to give and more money for the drug makers.
From the e-mail:
Merck Madness
July 7th, 2008 by Judie Brown

Call it a hunch, but those of us at American Life League who have been studying pharmaceutical giant Merck’s marketing plan for Gardasil, commonly known on television by its “one less” mantra, have been suspicious for some time. Apparently, we were right to be less than ecstatic about this latest scheme for “protecting” young women from the human papillomavirus.

Just yesterday, Judicial Watch, a public interest group that investigates government corruption, exposed the findings in new documents they obtained from the federal Food and Drug Administration pertaining to the vaccine’s adverse effects. What have those adverse reactions included?

Here is a partial list:

10 deaths have been reported since September 2007. The total number of death reports is at least 18 and as many as 20.
Just since January 2008, the following incidents have been reported:
140 “serious” reports, 27 of which were categorized as “life-threatening,”
10 spontaneous abortions and
six cases of Guillain-Barre Syndrome.
For those with a keen interest in this matter, the complete 25-page document prepared by Judicial Watch is online at http://www.judicialwatch.org/documents/2008/JWReportFDAhpvVaccineRecords.pdf. The Alliance for Human Research Protection has been on the case for at least the past 18 months and is equally concerned about the possible jeopardy that children will be in if parents don’t take this matter seriously and become familiar with this vaccine’s side effects.

But perhaps the best resource for parents, and without a doubt the most comprehensive collection of information on this out-of-control situation, is Children of God for Life. They specialize in vaccine news and have not overlooked the Gardasil mess. Among all the excellent articles you can find, there is one that exposes the truth about cervical cancer and the effect Gardasil actually could have on cervical cancer prevention. Remember that Gardasil is designed to protect a young woman from the human papillomavirus, which is alleged to be a cause of cervical cancer.

But what Cynthia Janek uncovered in her research is that “…the FDA knew back in 2003 that a HPV is not the actual cause of cervical cancer. The actual cause is a ‘persistent HPV infection that may act as a tumor promoter in cancer induction.’”

Further, she examines the statements on record at the FDA and tells the reader,

What we have here is proof that there is scientific evidence that has been published in the past 15 years that states that HPV infection does not bear a direct relationship to the forming of cervical cancer. It also tells us that HPV, if allowed to will be taken care of by our own body’s natural processes. . .“most infections are short-lived and not associated with cervical cancer.” With this being said, why do we need Gardasil when our own body is more than capable of eradicating HPV? What we need is a government policy to assist women with the cost of getting follow-up tests when persistent HPV infection is present. This would make more sense and our government would save so much money on these types of programs instead of $360 each for the Gardasil vaccination.

It could well be that the vaccine may not do a thing to protect anyone from cervical cancer, regardless of the claims being made by Merck Pharmaceutical. What the vaccine is causing is death and immense suffering among those who have been vaccinated.

When I read the Judicial Watch report, it occurred to me that the Food and Drug Administration might already be having second thoughts about this vaccine. Just one week ago, federal regulators advised Merck that they would not approve Gardasil for expanded marketing to an older group of women.

The news report tells us that Gardasil is currently approved for preventing cervical cancer and genital warts in females aged 9-26. It also tells us, as if this is any surprise, that Gardasil “has been one of Merck’s most successful newer products and has helped the company recover after the 2004 withdrawal of its Vioxx arthritis treatment.”

Remember the Vioxx recall? The announcement went like this:

On September 30, 2004, Merck & Co., the manufacturer of the blockbuster arthritis drug Vioxx (rofecoxib), announced the voluntary, worldwide recall of Vioxx after a recent clinical trial confirmed previous studies linking Vioxx to serious cardiovascular problems, including heart attack and stroke. The withdrawal of Vioxx marks the biggest drug recall in history. The three year trial was originally aimed at showing Vioxx’s effectiveness at reducing polyps in the colon, however the study revealed an increased risk of heart attack and other cardiovascular problems. Merck stopped the study after it discovered that participants taking Vioxx had twice the risk of heart attack than other participants taking placebos. The study showed the increased risk of heart attack began 18 months after patients started taking Vioxx. Medical experts advise Vioxx users to consult their doctor about alternatives.

Imagine it! And now that we know that young women are dying and suffering a host of side effects from Gardasil, we can only hope that, as it did for Vioxx, Merck announces a recall and that Gardasil will soon be just a memory.
This article is courtesy of the American Life League

I know this has been a topic of discussion especially regarding Sarah Palin, so I am not trying to go “there,” but I would love some input/advice.  I have been a SAHM for 13 years.  For 3 months, a few years back, I tried selling a product via home parties, but quickly found I HATED selling to my friends.  Financially we could really use some extra money and have been praying about what we should do.  Out of the blue, I was approached by our Deacon at church about a part time position that has just opened up. It is working with families that have fallen behind the “normal” time frame for sacraments and getting them up to speed.  I would LOVE to do something like this, but I have a 3 year old at home in the daytime.  It would for sure mean putting her in Mother’s Day Out 2-3 times a week and adjusting to life with a mom that is not completely available 24/7.  Are any of you juggling this after years of being solo SAHM?
Thanks for your input!

CT-
A friend of mine suggested that when I had this problem to take my son to pick out his favorite character underwear, and then when he refused to use the toilet and soiled himself, I was to throw them out.  I only threw out 2 pairs of Thomas the Tank engine underpants before he realized that I meant business.
I do know people that this did not work for, though.  But it worked for us.

Re: Potty Training

CT - Two thoughts.  1) At this point I would treat your son’s lack of cooperation as a discipline issue and punish as you see fit - time out, take away a favorite toy etc.).  I would also reward the times he “delivers the goods.” M&M;‘s worked for us).  2) I also agree with Ambrose. I’d either do as she suggests, or buy some cheap underwear so you can throw them out, rather than wait to wash them etc.  Good luck!  I have 5 kids, three boys, and with two of the boys I had similar challenges.

What are some thoughts about Halloween?
In the past I have allowed my daughter go trick-or-treating, but in the last 2yrs as we have been deepening are Catholic faith I have heard some say it is a pagan holiday. I never thought of it that way before, I just thought of it as a fun night for children to collect candy. Dose anyone know what the Catholic Church says about Halloween?

CT - My son is almost 4 and refuses to go #2 in the toilet, we are now trying a new method.  But anyway, he wears underwear and cloth training pants.  I have a bucket for soiled things.  After flushing the contents, I put on a cleaning glove and clean it off.  Then I put the soiled undies and glove in the bucket.  After I have a few soiled things I wash them in the machine.  This is one thing I absolutely hate to do, so I bought a pretty cleaning glove to use.

MorningMamaw,

What we do for my teenagers, and that is to set a price limit. One child may get one gift, one may get forty, but they all add up to the same amount. The kids know the amount ( usually stays the same every year but if it were to go up or down they are told )and tell me what they would like. Sometimes they give me a list which I pick from so they get surprised.
Oh an BTW, I don’t mean to be rude but with love, I ask that you try not to use “X mas” instead of Christmas. I heard a few years ago that many non Christians were using this abbreviation, as a way of “Xing” Christ out of Christmas. Surely by your comment we understand that this is not your intent but I know I wouldn’t want to give the wrong idea.

CT
My girlfriend used to face some of the same problems while training her children in underwear instead of the costly pull ups . She would dump the mess as much as possible, then using a baby wipe get as much as possible off before letting them soak in a bucket with soap and water, until she was able to get to the laundromat. On laundry day she would wring the underwear out , put it ( one pair or many ) into an old bread bag, tie the top and go. After dumping the underwear into the washer, she simply threw the bag away. As for getting your son to comply…. In time he will, but I have no ideas to speed things up.

Thank you to those who commented about the situation with my in-laws and their son’s birthday party. Something I did not mention at the time, but should be mentioned now is that the rest of the family was told they were not going to be invited to the party that it was going to be for his friends from school only. So, I found it very strange to get that invitation in the mail and then later got a message from my husband’s brother not to mention we got the invite to their mother as she was very upset at not being invited to the “big party”. So, there are a lot of strange goings on to this.
I did want to respond quickly to the issue of wedding gifts. I would do as someone else suggested and not register. If anyone asks, you can explain your situation. If you have family members that will still go out and buy a gift registry or no (I have a few of these) I would reach out to them and be proactive. Most people will understand and if there are a few stalwarts, ask them to hold the gift until you are in a home where you can accept it.

To Veronica on NFP:

My husband and I learned the Creighton method when we were first married.  We were blessed with three (surprise!) babies.  #1 and #2 were 13 months apart and #2 and #3 were 16 months apart.  This was very hard on my body (cesareans) and so we decided to look into the Sympto-Thermal method through the Couple to Couple League in order to use a method that would help us to put a greater space between our pregnancies.

We do use the ST method now but don’t use temperatures at all.  You’re right—temperatures can be crazy!  We use the cervical check to monitor changes in the cervix and cervical mucus.  This has been very accurate for us in predicting our fertility.  It’s not the most pleasant thing to do, but it works—especially if you’re serious about spacing pregnancies.

I found that when I was nursing, I had to check myself daily.  When my fertility returned and I was in regular cycles, I need only check myself 5-7 times per month. 

I encourage you to try it!  Good luck!

About Halloween—I don’t think the Catholic Church has an official teaching, other than: it is the eve of All Saints’ Day (which is an important feast).  Since it is the eve of a big feast, I have no problem with letting the kids trick-or-treat.  Some adults in recent years are really treating it as a big pagan holiday, but I see no reason to let their bad decisions take the fun away from kids.  We let our kids dress up as something fun and then dress up again as a saint the next day.  Just my 2 cents.

To Vicky: I don’t know where you are from, but I live in the South and it would offend my extended family greatly if I were to put up a Paypal site. (it’s still considered offensive here for the bride & groom to tell anyone where they are registered unless they are asked—it makes it look like all you want are the presents.)  I think the maybe putting the “gift items” on the site makes it worse, because you say you can’t schlep stuff across 3 continents (understandably), but then the “registry” makes it look like you want to go buy all the stuff yourself which you will then schlep across 3 continents.  It just looks like you want to shop for it yourself instead.  I know that’s not what you intend; it’s just what it seems like at first glance. I think it might be better to just let family spread the word or have a plain paypal site.  I also think there may be somethings people want to give you anyway, despite your request (heirlooms, family Bibles, etc.)  Is there anyone who can store a few things for you for a few years?

Re: gardasil

I think that likely the best source of information would be your pediatrician.  Tell him/her your concerns.  A good physician would not pressure you into anything, and she will answer all of your questions.
Keep in mind that HPV is a virus and certain strains can cause cancer.  So, cervical cancer in a sense is an STD.  Gardasil protects against MOST but not all strains that can cause cancer.  I know that we all teach our children and pray for their chastity.  But really - we don’t know what will happen.  And, as people have pointed out - our daughters could remain chaste until marriage and still get it form their husbands.  Look at the life Father Corapi led before entering the priesthood…and look at him now!  And, he came from a strong Catholic upbringing.
Anyway, if your concern is regarding safety, only time will tell what the true risks are.  Currently there are NO confirmed deaths from Gardasil.  That is internet/urban myth.  Here is the current info:

Vaccine safety — Since virus-like particles (VLPs) are recombinant proteins, manufactured in benign biologic systems (yeast and Baculovirus), they have no known oncogenic or disease-causing potential [19] .

The clinical trials of the bivalent and quadrivalent vaccines have demonstrated mild injection site reactions [23,32] ; no serious adverse events have been recorded, including one study with more than five years of follow-up [34] . Furthermore, HPV vaccine has been studied in diverse populations of women in both developed and developing countries [39,41] .

The vaccine adverse events reporting system (VAERS) has registered five cases and confirmed two cases of Guillain-Barre syndrome (GBS) after quadrivalent vaccine administration. Ongoing reporting continues for adverse events from coadministration of the quadrivalent vaccine with other vaccines, as there has been limited data available prior to regulatory approval.

Neither HPV vaccine contains live virus: the quadrivalent vaccine has been classified as a category B drug by the FDA. However, use in pregnancy is not recommended because of limited data on safety in this setting. In the FUTURE II trial, pregnancy occurred in 1053 women in the vaccine group and 1106 in the placebo group; no obvious anomalies attributable to vaccine were observed [39] .

The manufacturer maintains a pregnancy registry to monitor fetal outcomes of pregnant women exposed to the vaccine. Exposures can be reported by calling 800-986-8999 [44] . However, lactating women can receive the immunization series since subunit vaccines do not affect the safety of infant breast-feeding. (See “Immunizations in pregnant women”).

Dear Anonymous,
Here’s a link to an article that talks about how we Catholic Christians can “redeem” Halloween & allow it to be a fun & teachable opportunity for our children:
http://www.americancatholic.org/newsletters/cu/ac1099.asp
Our children choose a Saint (or historical figure) to dress up as - it is a great opportunity to evangelize when trick or treating (“No, I’m not the Disney Pocohantas…I’m Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha!”)  Realizing that some peolpe do “celebrate” the darker aspects of Halloween, we do pray the Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel before heading out for trick or treating.  With 6 children, we end up with a boat load of candy - so the children choose some favorite pieces & we donate the rest to the local homeless shelter.

Vicky~
I’m not sure where you’re from, England, Brazil, the USA, or somewhere else.  If you’re having a destination wedding (Can Catholics do that?), you probably only have family and very close friends to worry about.  If that’s the case, you should be close enough to be impolite (or maybe, a better word is frank) and tell them each about the gift situation personally.

If you are having a larger guest list, I’m not sure about what it acceptable in Brazil or England, but for Americans, there really is no acceptable way to say “Please give me money”.  A gift is a gift.  As much as you don’t want to, I suspect that you will have to spend part of your honeymoon trying to figure out what to do with gifts no matter what you do.  Giving an address and trying to spread the word through family is probably your best bet. 

Pamela~
I suggest that you start by trying to figure out if your vocation is to the religious life.  Convents are there all the time, but you meet a future spouse in God’s time.  Also, you get to “try on” the religious life in a way that you do not get to try on marriage.  Don’t pass up interested guys, but do let them know what you are doing.  Also, find a good spiritual director and pray. 

Anonymous on Hallowe’en~
I know this is not the “cool Catholic” opinion, but I’m going to tell you what our traditional pastor told us when I was growing up.  First of all, the word Hallowe’en means “All Hallows’ Eve” or the Eve of All Saints.  Even though it is a “baptized” pagan holiday (like Christmas), the name is of Christian origin.  Secondly, we have a day to remember the saints and a day to remember the suffering in purgatory, so we should also have a day to remember the damned and how much we need to avoid damnation.  Hallowe’en, with all its scary creatures, is a great day to do so.  Finally, playing dress-up and eating candy are fun and morally neutral!  He suggested that parents encourage their children to dress up either as people they want to imitate (saints and other heroes) or people they wish to remind themselves and others not to imitate (devils, ghosts, witches).

MJS: I think some people use Xmas and X = ancient Christian symbol for Christ.  It’s from the Greek, like the X in the chi-rho symbol.

Diane~
I hope you realize that X is the Greek Chi or the first letter of Christ in Greek.  Over the centuries X became a symbol for the name Christ.  (You probably have seen the “P” with the “X” through it on vestments and altar cloths.)  So, the non-Christians who use X to get rid of the name Christ are rather uninformed on Christian traditions.

Thank you all for your inputs on my lack of wedding registry.  It is exactly those cultural differences that interest me.  I come from Brasil and websites and gifts registry information go attached with the wedding invitation, people expect that.  And those PayPal pages are becoming popular, at least on big cities.  But I am unsure about my fiance’s family and he wasn’t of much help about that   So I will probably leave the attachment out of the invitations that will be distributed in the US.
If you want to see what I’ve been talking about, here are 2 exemples:
http://www.taniahoward.com/  (bilingual)
http://www.dataespecial.com.br/renataepaulo/  (Portuguese only, but you can find what I’m talking about under the tag “presentes”)
Please remember us in your prayers.