Why I Stay Home
Posted by Matthew Archbold in Family on Friday, March 20, 2009 12:00 PM
“Why?”
My old newspaper colleague sat across from me in the diner booth. Irritated, he asked me again, “Why?” with a quizzical smile.
The smile was there so I wouldn’t be offended. The quizzical was there because he was.
The three year old sat next to me and the baby was banging on the tray of the high chair because I was a little slow with the eggs. Business meetings with babies are always an odd affair. Just so you know, bibs and business cards don’t mix all that great. Cutting sausage while talking salary and playing airplane with scrambled eggs while taking notes is slightly distracting.
My friend, who’s an editor of a local magazine, had surprised me with an offer he called an opportunity of a lifetime. But to me it felt a little like the opportunity of another lifetime and I thanked him but said no.
We fell into an awkward silence for a moment.
I’ll admit I considered it. Even got excited. I’d been freelance writing for years but this was a full-time gig. No, the money wasn’t great. In fact, it would only be slightly better than what I was making freelancing while being a stay at home Dad. But to be honest, I did miss that old feeling of conquering the world.
I knew that it would mean turning our lives upside down. Maybe my wife could rearrange her schedule, hire a sitter, ask our mothers to take a day or two? Daycare?
I’ll admit I pondered it. My son, hearing our silence, asked, “Dad, can we go to the zoo?”
“Not yet kiddo,” I said. “Maybe when the sun comes up a little more.”
As always, he had his “Why’s” at the ready.
“Dad, Why does the sun come up? Oh. Why does the Earth spin? Oh. Why is there grabity?”
And finally, when I was checkmated by my three year old I just said “Uhm…Because of God. Now eat your eggs.”
My friend repeated that it was a great opportunity and I sat in awkward silence until I simply repeated that I couldn’t take the job.
“Why?” he asked again.
I often tell people that I stay home with my children because it makes business sense once you factor in the costs of day care, gas, and taxes.
Now, those are reasons. Good reasons. But they ain’t why. Ain’t even close to why. ‘Why’ is a lot more complicated. And I’m not sure I could explain it, even if I tried.
Maybe I should just say it’s about going over spelling words, baths, or being the first to them when they fall. It’s about tickling, listening, holding them by the hand, taking them to the zoo and pushing them on the swing.
In short, it’s about being a parent.
Or maybe I should just say I saw a miracle when my first child was born and it unexpectedly changed my life, which is, I expect, what miracles do. I know everybody thinks their kids are miracles.
But here’s the thing—they are. They’re little messy miracles in pigtails or short pants. And I think it’s easy to take ordinary everyday miracles for granted.
Lots of people think miracles always change your life like a flash of lightning. I think sometimes the lightning just illuminates a path you didn’t see before. It’s still up to you to walk it or not.
Or maybe I should just say that for me being a father is the opportunity of a lifetime.
But when my friend asked me, “Why?” I smiled and said “Because of God.”
I smiled even though I was only half joking. I think he left a little confused.
The baby and I played airplane with scrambled eggs and we all raised our hands in victory when it was “all gone.”
I then announced, “I’m going to the zoo. Who’s coming?”
Print Blog
Email a FriendPost a Comment
By submitting this form, you give Faith And Family Magazine permission to publish this comment. Comments will be published at our discretion, and may be edited for clarity and length. For best formatting, please limit your response to one paragraph and don't hit "enter" to force line breaks.
