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Email a FriendJust turned 2? I always found that a little young. My optimum age? Two and a half. Those extra six months really count even if your little one expresses interest earlier. I had one train herself at two and two months. For six weeks. After that the novelty wore off and I had to wait five more months before she was amenable to it again. But I agree that it really is not about the child being ready. It’s about the trainer. I’m the one who has to be on top of it and willing to keep at until they get it. And I never approach it with rewards, etc. It’s a fact of life and something that has to be done. Very matter of fact. I’m not one who believes in a reward system for everything. I tried it and it didn’t get me very far. Verbal positive reinforcement has been enough for me for. I know everyone has their own experiences and what worked for them. This has been just my experience. When my oldest was potty training and it was nothing but accident after accident, it was my sister who came to the rescue so to speak. She was babysitting and he wasn’t making it to the potty. So she took him aside (he was now 3) and told him to get it together, that there was a new baby on the way and it was his job to be potty trained. This was said in a firm but not quite “yelling” voice. He got it and I had no problem after that. For my subsequent children, I talked about it for a few weeks before I actually started. When I bought the last box of diapers, I told the child it was the last box. When I got down to the last package in the box, I happily announced that it was the last one and we would get to shop for new underpants. And when I got to the last diaper, I showed it to the little one and said that it was the last diaper and it would be potty time. And I didn’t do this with fake enthusiasm or over the top cheering, etc. It was with the same, matter of fact tone I used when I announced it was time for dinner or time to get dressed, etc. My average time potty training was two days. I set the timer for every two hours and took them. This meant that my life stopped for two days but I always set aside one week anyway. So this is what worked for me but I didn’t have any of the issues you talked about. It sounds like you’ve figured out on your own, however, that perhaps now is not the right time. Potty training is hard enough on its own but if your plate is already full then it’s double work and stressful. Good luck! (Bet that FedEx guy had interesting dinner table conversation that night!)
A Not So Dry Run
by Kelly Dolin in Family on Tuesday, February 07, 2012 9:46 PM
Friend me on Facebook and you can read riveting updates such as the following:
Three hours ago: Potty training! I’d rather be in the dentist’s chair. We’re going nowhere fast.
One hour ago: I quit. We’ll call this a dry run (figuratively speaking; there was nothing dry about it). Ainsley just pooped in front of the Fed Ex man.
All of this reminds me of Betty White’s comment from a while back: “You know, I have so many people to thank for being here, but I really have to thank Facebook. When I first heard about the campaign to get me to host Saturday Night Live I didn’t know what Facebook was, and now that I do know what it is I have to say it sounds like a huge waste of time.”
Betty, you may have a point.
But back to the fascinating topic of potty training ...
I could rattle off a dozen reasons why this is Not The Time to potty train: I am dealing with a few medical issues, we are going out of town shortly, Dave is under the gun at work, Ainsley just turned two, and the list goes on to include issues both trivial and quite serious.
I can think of just one reason to Seize The Day: I returned home yesterday to find Ainsley standing in the dining room wearing black patent leather shoes. And nothing else.
This, sadly, was not an isolated event. The Lady Godiva number has been going on for quite some time now. I haven’t resorted to the duct tape special, but I did briefly put Ainsley in a bathing suit hoping that would keep her dressed for the duration of dinner. She’s connected all the dots, I think. She’ll remove a yucky diaper, dump the contents, flush it, and resume play. She can clearly articulate, “I poopy. It’s yucky. Where are the wipes?” All this seems to spell “Forge ahead!”
So Ainsley offered me a deal the other day: If I bought her Dora panties, she’d potty train. I’ve kept my end of the bargain. This morning I bravely put on my game face and enthusiastically presented the grand plan.
Me: Ainsley, if you go on the potty, I’ll give you chocolate.
Ainsley: No way!
Yes, she’s two and suddenly she’s quite good at it. Articulate and decisive!
Well, it proved to be one damp and noxious day. Ainsley made two deposits in the potty: her Rosary case and a load of her brother’s Legos. She had an accident, and then yelled with great indignation, “I have to go potty!” For good measure, four-year-old John then wet his pants for the first time in months. After multiple missteps and amid a mounting pile of laundry—I deposited Ainsley on the potty once more. She looked at me and said, “It’s just not working.”
On that point, sweet pumpkin, we are in full agreement.
Much has been written about “readiness”—on the part of the child, that is. Well, I’m skeptical, if not cynical on this topic. The only person who needs to be ready is the one who will be disinfecting the house from one end to the other in the wake of non-stop accidents. This would be the same one who purchases a large supply of Bob the Builder underwear and chocolate, who rolls up all area rugs, who ensures that both washer and dryer are in excellent repair, and who somehow manages to press forward when all hints of progress have come to a screeching halt.
My previous three experiences have taught me that you can’t be lukewarm about the whole affair. It’s all or nothing. No retreat! Cheer every small success and try hard to ignore the setbacks. Try to smile. Try really hard.
All of this reminds me of why many people boycott “mommy blogs,” obsessed as they are with bodily functions.
A point well taken.
—Kelly Dolin blogs at In the Sheepfold.
Comments
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Oh this brings back memories (the kind I was trying to forget!). When my Valedictorian/Dean’s list son was potty training, I took all the advice in the books: wait till HE’s ready, only offer rewards such as reading a book while he’s trying, etc., etc.. So he got to be four and I had a two-year-old to also train (and an infant along for the ride) and absolutely NOTHING worked with this kid. We ended up going a few times to a child psychologist who basically gave him a talk like the aunt in the previous post. He finally trained but with continuing constipation issues. All the kids after that were offered a REAL incentive -M&Ms; in our house- AND all the older siblings got M&Ms; too so peer pressure, um, I mean encouragement from the older ones would also be a factor. It was never a huge problem again. This can be such a frustrating time; I say WHATEVER it takes to provide an incentive to your child is worth doing (and don’t wait till they’re four even if they’re not interested!).
I’m a believer in the child being ready.
My sister “potty trained” her twins at 2. Well..I guess you could call it that. I always wondered if asking them if they needed to potty every 1/2 an hour was them being trained, or her. They eventually got it, with lots of accidents…around the same time my daughter got it…6 mos. later. I tried to train her at 2 also…the twins and she are 3 weeks apart, so I decided to share the experience with my sister. Tried the sitting on the potty until she went, with M&M’s as incentive. Read MANY books, did lots of puzzles, played lots of games…she’d sit for 1/2 an hour and not go, then get up and pee next to the potty Tried going at even intervals, using the old chart and prizes thing, with the same results. I finally gave up and decided to give it a rest until she was 2 1/2. When she was 2 1/2, I put the potty in the playroom and told her, “Every time she went potty, she could watch 10 min. of her favorite movie.” She watched it through 2 times that day, (in 10 min. intervals) and she was trained. Only 2 accidents ever.
My second dd trained herself at 23 mos. She asked to go on the potty. I didn’t believe her, and half put her on, to appease her, not really paying attention. She proceeded to pee on my foot. LOL! I put the potty in the playroom and told her if she went in the potty, she’d get “Nemuh Nemuhs” (M&M’s), then took her pants off. That was it. She did it herself. She’d come in and say, “I went pee pees, where is my nemuh nemuh?” I’d check and give her one. She was ready.
Praying for you! As my mom used to say when I was frustrated with my older daughter, “Don’t stress it. She won’t go to High School in a diaper.”
I love hearing different perspectives on this. My older three trained at three. I have seen what Terri is describing. I would rather stick with the diapers a little longer and have trained mean really trained.
The running around naked bit led me to try this earlier than I have before, but we’re backing off for the moment. I’m thinking late April or early May. The weather will be nice. Potty training is a little easier with fewer items of clothing to contend with.
Kelly, your posts always make me laugh. And today’s post certianly made my day. My two year old DD is also potty training and has been for about 3 weeks. We started because of her “Lady Godiva” moments. We get about 60- 75 percent success everyday but she and I are determined to keep trying. Well at least I am. When I woke her today she told me, in an exasperated voice, “Mommy, I need a diaper, I just can’t potty today.” Yes, she’s articulate, too. Here’s hoping tomorrow’s better.
Thank you for your honesty and humor - I needed it today after our first day of semi-official potty training (I say semi-official because my son decided we were starting but the training pants won’t arrive until tomorrow; until then we are using Pull-Ups and he sees them as just another diaper). We had the opposite problem - countless trips to the potty, but all false alarms. Good luck to you as you forge ahead!!
Being a bookish person, I read multiple potty books to my kids, mostly “Once Upon a Potty” and “Toilet Learning” but also a book for my second daughter which I have never seen since, in which the main character is a little girl who says “no” to the potty (and who shared my daughter’s name) until she is bribed with giraffe underpants. That child was my diaper Houdini, so we were all glad when she “got it”. Anyway, the books did help. Some of them we read for a considerable time before and after the potty came into operation.
Kelli, as an “old mom”, I advise you to please cut yourself some slack, if you can.
My kids basically potty trained themselves. I showed the oldest on the potty and explained that it was a small potty for him, just his size. He had no interest, but that wasn’t the point. i just wanted him to know so that when he developed an interest, he would know it was there.
By the time he was three and a half, we were wondering if he would ever learn to use the potty! Our pediatrician assured us that he would be potty trained by the time he went to college (true, he was, LOL).
We asked him when he would be ready to try the potty. He kept replying, “When I’m four.” The week before he turned four, we gently reminded him of this. The weekend he turned four, he started using the potty and never stopped. No accidents, no back tracking.
We have had similar experiences with each of the six kids after that.
My dh tried to help me by potty training one dd while I was at the hospital having her baby brother. She was just barely three. She was not quite ready and had a lot of accidents, so I wished my dh had not tried to help, but I appreciated the intent.
Our youngest was not fully trained until he was five. The older siblings kept bugging me about it. I explained that I had let them decide when to use the potty, and that I was pretty sure he would decide to do it by the time he was five.
The child needs to have the physical readiness and the desire. We can’t always tell from the outside when both are present. That’s why I took the approach I did. Using he potty was just no big deal, no stress for the kids or for me, no accidents to clean up (except for the time when my dh deviated from my approach and trained our daughter).
I apologize if it sounds like I am trying to tell you what to do, Kelli. I’m sharing my experience because I worry about you young moms working too hard. When I was young, i felt I had to get it all right, all perfect, or I would ruin my kids for life. That’s just being conscientious, and it’s a good quality, but i was grateful for the older moms who advised me to cut myself some slack… so now that I am the older mom, I’m just passing that advice along. maybe this is not where you want to cut yourself slack; I’m just presenting it as an option for you to consider.
Angela - Thanks for your very gentle encouragement! “Cut yourself some slack” is a piece of advice all of us should take!
Thank you for this article! It reminds me of why I quietly “boycott” most other “mommy blogs,” but look forward to the articles and perspectives on this website. Thank you for reminding me to smile and laugh as I struggle to maintain membership in the “Keeping It Real Club.”
I am a firm believer in keeping it real. Heaping criticism on ourselves seems to come naturally to most mothers. We need a few havens of normalcy and humor. Faith and Family is one of them, I think!
The girls trained at 2 to 2 1/2 and our first boy trained at 3. I thought it was easier when you had siblings close in age who were already trained. My nightmare was my mother-in-law who swore all her children were trained at 1 year old.
Potty training at 12 months? Is this an urban legend? Should we check Snopes on this one? Did these babies grow up with irritable bowel syndrome and nervous ticks? I can’t see it. Bless you for having that to compete with!
RUBBER PANTS. They still sell them. The ones I am using (today) were made by Gerber and are lined inside - I think they call them training underwear. My son is wearing them over his actual underwear. It contains all mess (except when he tucks his shirt inside) and therefore keeps the house clean.
I don’t see any point in “potty-training” a child until he can dress and undress himself and can clean himself up after an accident. I never punish for an accident, but I didn’t make it so the child cleans it while I coach him - just the same as if he had accidentally spilled something in the kitchen. I have punished for a deliberate, but there was absolutely no doubt at all that it was deliberate. My kids have all (4 + 1 in progress) potty-trained when they are 3.
To some people “potty-trained” means wearing underwear, even if it means mom keeps a timer going and never lets the kid out of her sight for a year or two (my m-i-l) or the child goes through 8-10 pair of underwear a day, each with the 1/2 teaspoon of urine that prompted the child to run to the bathroom (a friend).
To me, potty-trained means I wash no more than 8 pair of underwear a week and replace empty toilet paper rolls and have no other involvement in my child’s bathroom activities. No reminders, no rewards, no knowledge of when or what.
I’ve had several children wake up one day and decide it was the day and never look back. This child is almost four and hadn’t reached that point so I pushed a little. He’s the only one I had to do a timer for and only for the first week. Today was exactly 2 weeks in - he had one accident (while watching a brother and friend play a video game) and that was just wet, and only 2 reminders. He handled everything else himself. Yesterday he was dry all day - including the 2 hours out of the house.
I’m not so sure if I agree with the definition of potty training as zero involvement for mom. Even when my son is older, I will probably remind him to use the potty before long car rides and other situations where poor planning on his part could mean a potential hassle for me.
Well, for long car trips we have the rule that when one person has to go, everyone, including the adults, has to go. Each stop costs 20 minutes to half an hour and when the trip takes 15 hours driving (excluding stops) that adds up fast. We try to avoid stopping 10 minutes after we just started again, although babies have caused that now and then.
But part of my point is, people have different definitions of “potty-trained”. Don’t be discouraged by someone whose kids “trained” early until you know what definition they are using. Decide on your family’s definition and don’t worry about other people’s.
Mandatory potty breaks are a regular part of our 15 hour drives as well. This aspect of bathroom habits is well worth micro-managing!
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