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A Space of Your Own

by Kate Wicker in Homemaking on Monday, August 16, 2010 6:00 AM

The other day I walked into our living room and felt like I was on the verge of having a cardiac event. There were kids’ toys everywhere. Dolls were resting on the couch. Plastic animal figures that just about represented all of Creation were parading along the carpet.  I took a deep breath and wandered into the kitchen where I noticed the fridge rivaled the Met Museum, displaying so much of my daughters’ artwork.

I love my children. I love that my home is kid-friendly. We do our best to keep it clean and clutter-free, and I’d never want to erase all of the evidence that young children live here. However, when I recently discovered that even my night table beside my bed was covered with board books filled with monosyllabic words, I decided it was time to find a space, albeit a small one, that was all mine.

I’m not the only mom craving a personal spot. Jennifer Hartline, mom of three, recently wrote an essay about needing a mom time-out and how she made a daring escape to her “office” (also known as the bathroom). I, too, have found solace on the commode. But when her family relocates for her husband’s military job this summer, Jennifer hopes to have a real place to retreat to. “I’ve promised myself that in this new house I’m creating a space where I can go, close the door, and not be interrupted - and it won’t be the bathroom,” she says.

Our homes are supposed to be our havens - places we feel safe and at peace in. But let’s face it. Co-existing with spouses, kids, all the stuff that comes with kids, as well as furry friends can quickly make this so-called safe haven a breeding ground for commotion, clutter, and stress. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that women in crowded homes with less personal space were more likely to become depressed.

Ready to find some peace in your home? Here are seven simple ways to create a sanctuary of your own:

Map it out.

Before you begin the physical act of decorating or making room for your private refuge, ask yourself what you want to use the space for. Its function will affect its form. If, for example, you plan on doing something more physical, then you’ll need enough to stretch your limbs. On the other hand, if you just want a place to read, all you really need is room for a comfy chair and appropriate lighting.  Also, take into account the amount of traffic of a particular area. Preferably, you’d like a space where your other family members won’t be constantly traipsing through your sanctuary.

Make the most of what you’ve got. 

You don’t need a sprawling mansion to whittle out a personal plot. I currently live in an urban townhouse where space is a premium, but I was able to carve out a corner of calm in my husband and my bedroom for me to write, read, and pray. I’ve told my kids toys are off-limits in this space. While not ideal, it still serves its purpose. Just having a specific place to retreat to in the early morning, evenings, or during your children’s nap time offers a visual cue that says, “This is my space. This is my time.”  Although smaller living spaces just demand a tad more creativity,  things like curtains, screens, area rugs or even a piece of furniture can partition a room and help delineate a space.

Let meaningful objects define your space.

Displaying your guitar, a beautiful journal, personalized stationery, your favorite Bible, a collection of vintage posters, a picture of your grinning toddler, or a beloved book of poetry a grandparent once read to you personalizes your haven. But make sure the objects are objects of your desire, not your kids’. “One of my favorite spots is the old hand-me-down recliner in the corner of our bedroom,” says Shirley Groves, a mom of four.  “It’s a no-clutter zone - no toys, laundry, books, etc. - and it faces the first crucifix my husband and I were given as a couple.”

Color your world.

When creating your space, don’t worry too much how its color scheme and overall style will mesh with the rest of your home. If that calming sea foam green you’ve handpicked to color your space clashes a bit with your house’s cranberry theme, so what? Remember this area is supposed to cater to your tastes and preferences.  Of course, you can always opt for more neutral tones and simply add a colorful, decorative flair such as vibrant sari from that memorable, long ago trip to India. I use an antique-y table to stash my books and journals. It doesn’t really jive with the rest of my bedroom furniture, but I like it.

Be thrifty.

Establishing a personal space doesn’t require elaborate and expensive décor. You can easily stay within a $50 budget. I didn’t spend any money. I just rearranged some things and made sure a bookcase was nearby. Simple accents like candles from a dollar store can go a long way in embellishing your space.

Think outside the indoors.

While Shirley often finds peace cuddled up in her bedroom’s recliner, another favorite spot is on her outdoor patio. “The sun is my natural prozac.  Although it might not be quiet with the kids running around the backyard, it is generally serene and a good place to spend quiet time with God or writing,” she says.

Space is relative.

If you ignore the rest of the tips above, remember this one: You can go many places for rest, but the only real place you can find that peace, that quenching of your deepest desires is in God.  A peaceful spot in our home to pray is great. A visit to the tabernacle is even better. But they’re not always feasible. The good news is we can find God anywhere, but we do have to make an effort to look. Shirley learned just how important alone time was when she was forced into moments of solitude while on pregnancy bed rest. “I have come to a deeper appreciation for silence.  I am writing so much more than I ever have.  And I am still,” she says.

For today, try setting a timer and empty your mind and fill it with Him. Do what Jennifer calls “making an appointment with Jesus.” “We need at least a few minutes without interruption,” she says.  “We can’t live like cloistered nuns with hours and hours to pray.  That’s not our vocation, and that’s not how our lives are supposed to be.  Our vocation is home and children, and it’s holy; however, we still need at least some small measure of time and space where we can retreat within our hearts and sit at Jesus’ feet.”

—Senior writer Kate Wicker carves out space at home in Georgia. She blogs at KateWicker.com.

Resources:

• HGTV Decorating Tips

While you’re in your space, soak up the wisdom of these devotional books:

• A Catholic Woman’s Book Of Days
• Heart of My Heart: 365 Reflections on the Magnitude and Meaning of Motherhood
• Small Steps for Catholic Moms

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