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Battling Burnout

by Kate Wicker in Health on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 6:00 AM

Prideful, old me sometimes thinks I’m Super Mom and can do it all, but recently I was forced to hang up my cape. I’d met my match: A kryptonite known as burnout.

Battling burnout is not easy. Sometimes it takes energy you don’t think you have. But I’ve learned small changes can go a long way in restoring peace in your home and in your heart.

Feeling fatigued? Here are five tips to help you recharge:

Keep things in perspective.

When facing burnout, it’s easy to think things could not get any worse, but Patti Armstrong says it’s important to count your blessings even when you find a cloud of negativity looming over you. “It helps me to think of stories I’ve heard of people with really awful lives – like the man I saw on the Discovery Channel who had an immune system disorder that made his hands and feet look like they had long roots growing out of them or the homesteaders of North Dakota – where I’ve lived for 19 years – who live in sod homes without screens, washers, running water, or computers,” says the mom of 10. “I realize that their best day is worse than my worst day. Suddenly, my struggles are in perspective – usually.”

During times of burnout, we need honesty and hope. We need to honestly assess our lives and figure out what we’re doing right and what we could be doing better. Then we have to hold onto the hope that we’re only shrouded in a temporary darkness and that eventually we’ll return to the light with renewed strength.

Enjoy your kids.

I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking my kids are the source of my burnout. Yet, when I take a step back, I usually see it’s not so much the day-to-day care of my children (although being a mom to three little ones certainly can be physically exhausting)  that wears me out, but it’s my attempt to be more than a mom and to achieve successes outside the realm of caring for my children and husband that leave me feeling frazzled. When I focus on enjoying my kids – not just taking care of them or trying to squeeze in extra, nonessential work – I end up feeling fulfilled and restored. 

Be kind to yourself. 

“Moms often view time for themselves as some monumental event that can’t be accomplished without a lot of maneuvering and ‘selfish neglect’ of our children,” says Kris Chatfield, a mom of five. “Although God often asks us to die to ourselves to fulfill our vocation, we’re not effective in our roles if we’re neglecting ourselves physically or spiritually.” 
A weekly spa trip probably isn’t feasible,  but you need to carve out time to pray alone and to pursue a personal hobby into your daily routine. 

Eating healthy, exercising (especially out in the fresh air), and resting when you’re able are important as well. We are physical and spiritual beings. We have to make time to nourish our souls and our bodies. 

Rethink your faith. 

My experiences with burnout often coincide with spiritual dryness. Sometimes I feel like God is very distant when I need Him the most, and I start to get angry. Why am I not feeling His presence? But as Patti discovered when she co-authored the Amazing Grace book series, God is with us even when we don’t recognize His hand in our life. “Like Mother Teresa and her dark periods, we persevere in our faith even when we feel nothing,” Patti says.

So I kept showing up for prayer. Sometimes the only words I could utter were: “Lord, help my unbelief.” But with time, God revealed Himself to me again and I was evermore convinced that faith is something I do more than something I feel.

Don’t compare yourself to others.

Social support is essential to recovering from burnout, but try to turn to people who leave you feeling encouraged, not inadequate. Steer clear of anyone – in the real world or Blogosphere – who makes you feel like you’re not living up to your calling. I recently had to stop reading some of my favorite blogs because I found myself wondering how the uber moms I admired managed to plan crafts for their kids, whip up delicious meals, homeschool, never lose their temper,  and be faithful at all times when I was lucky to find time to shower.

But the truth is, none of us has a picture perfect life no matter how we come off to others or how lovely our blog or children or home appears. What I try to remember is that I only have to work on being the best version of myself. That is enough.

—Kate Wicker, a wife and mother of three, blogs at KateWicker.com.

Resources:

• American Catholic’s Minute Meditations
• A Mother’s Rule of Life
• Prayers for Mother and Motherhood
• Ultimate Burnout Survival Guide

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Do You Have a Difficult Child?

Home

Columbus' Marian Mission