Beat the Baby Blues
by Kate Wicker in Health on Thursday, March 18, 2010 6:00 AM
After giving birth to my first two children, I found myself basking in pure baby bliss and couldn’t understand how any mom could possibly suffer from the “baby blues.”
Then I had my third baby.
I remember the moment I realized something wasn’t right. An acquaintance asked me, “So how’s the transition been going from two to three kids?”
I opened my mouth, but no words would come out. My face crumpled. My arms ached, and it felt like I was carrying dead weight, not a wiggly, happy baby.
Then I started to weep.
My friend, surprised I’d sprung a leak, gently patted me on the back. “Are you alright?”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, still sniffling. “I’m just tired. I’m really fine.”
I was tired, but I wasn’t fine. I had a five-month-old baby and two other sweet children, and I was trying so hard to be happy, but even when I smiled or pretended like everything was okay, I felt as if a flattening lethargy was on the verge of crushing me.
I was sad. And I was angry. I was angry at myself for not being able to pull it together. I was even angry at God ... I’m trying to be open to your plan for my family. Can you please help me out here?
Eventually with gentle nudges from my husband, my spiritual director, my mom, and God, I admitted what I was dealing with was bigger than me and wasn’t something I could just put on band-aid on and call it a happy day.
Shortly after I came to this conclusion, my midwife diagnosed me with postpartum depression (PPD), a condition that affects 10 percent of women, according to the American Pregnancy Association.
PPD symptoms can pop up anytime from a few weeks after the birth of a child to up to a year postpartum. While temporary emotional lows are to be expected in the weeks following birth, PPD symptoms are often more severe and last for more than two weeks. Some of the signs of PPD include: crying spells, sleep disturbances (sleeping all the time or not being able to sleep at all), changes in appetite, difficulty concentrating, feeling disinterested or detached from the baby, and persistent anxiety or excessive worry.
Maybe you’re hurting too, or know someone who is. Even if you’re not dealing with full-blown PPD, the onslaught of hormones during the postpartum period and the sometimes overwhelming task of caring for a new baby can cause their share of ups and downs. Here I share what has helped me smooth the emotional roller coaster ride:
Realize this isn’t your fault.
There’s a lot of pressure for pregnancy and new motherhood to be a happy, joyful time - especially in Catholic circles. While babies are always blessings, you don’t have to feel ashamed if you don’t feel like singing in the rain or even in the shower manage to squeeze in on any given day.
I’d always assumed I’d be impervious to the darkness of depression. I have my Eeyore, worry-wart moments, but I’m generally a fairly happy person. So when I was faced with recurring and often irrational crying jags, I kept thinking my feelings were only temporary or a result of being tired.
Then I started beating myself up for not praying hard enough. If I’m good and holy, then the suffering will stop. This my doing. Likewise, since I struggle with vanity and prefer for others to think I’m an uber mom who has it all together, I didn’t want to anyone to know I was struggling.
Anne McClure suffered from PPD after she had her first child and grappled with some of the same feelings. “My postpartum depression manifested as extreme irritability and irrational anger or frustration. Because I have a ‘I can fix it myself’ complex, I didn’t get help right away,” she says. “Then I went through a whole guilt thing. Oh my gosh, I scarred this baby for life. I am a terrible mom. Try not to do that. It is not your fault, and you will set a wonderful example for your kids by showing them how to face your struggles with integrity. Eventually I realized that this was just not something I could control.”
Ask for help.
My only regret now is that I didn’t ask for help sooner. I was under the misguided notion that my struggles were part of some greater spiritual ambition - that God was plunging me into the darkness so that I could see the great light.
But even Jesus didn’t endure the Passion completely alone. As Christians, we believe suffering is redemptive, but God doesn’t expect us to bleed out. Look for your Simon of Cyrene to help carry your cross. This might come in the form of friends helping to watch your children so you can have some alone time. Or your healing may require something more. Talk to a trusted health care professional about your treatment options. Certain antidepressants can be taken safely while breastfeeding, but don’t assume medicine is the only effective balm out there.
“Therapy can be really helpful in helping you work through situational stuff and make changes,” says McClure.
Make taking care of yourself a priority.
Shortly after I was diagnosed with PPD, a nursed asked me, “What do you enjoy doing?” In times past, I knew the answer to this question, but the problem always had been carving out time to pursue my pleasures like exercising and writing. However, at this point of my life, I could not think of one single thing I actually enjoyed doing. The only promising pastime was sleep and usually when I tried to rest, I’d end up staring at the ceiling or crying (or both).
That’s when she advised me to start with the basic stuff. Eventually, I’d feel like myself again, but first, I needed to just take care of myself physically: Eat healthy, sleep as much as I could, and get some exercise. (Research shows a brisk 30-minute walk three times a week may be just as effective in relieving major depression as are standard antidepressant drugs.)
Sleep wasn’t in my control so much, but eating was. Pregnancy, breastfeeding and just caring for a newborn and the rest of your family all demand energy. If you’re not getting adequate nutrition, you’ll feel more tired and irritable. When the dark cloud of depression descends, it’s tempting to either not eat at all or to turn to comfort foods like chocolate, ice cream, or potato chips.
This creates a vicious cycle. You feel badly. You eat badly. You continue to feel badly. Make small changes to your diet. Eat more fruits and veggies, lean proteins, and whole grains. Consider taking an Omega-3 fish oil supplements since research has shown fatty acids may curb depression. McClure recommends reading Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon. “I benefited significantly from the nutritional advice and recommended supplements for anxiety and depression.”
Heal your soul.
You did not cause your depression; however, past emotional wounds or patterns of sin can contribute to feelings of despondency. Heal your soul by praying, spending time in Adoration, and going to confession. Finding a spiritual director is also helpful, according to McClure. “I connected with a priest whom I continue to see for confession. He gives me spiritual direction towards healing emotional wounds and closing the door on things from the past,” she says. “This is essential to fighting depression because sometimes just praying more on your own isn’t enough.”
—Senior writer Kate Wicker will be sharing more about PPD in today’s Faith & Family podcast. Read her blog at KateWicker.com.
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