We love homemade bread here, too.  I’ve recently become a big fan of the “Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day,” no-knead method.  Not only is it SO easy, but the bread is really good!

Ironically (??), laundry.  And cleaning.

I get a quiet satisfaction in knowing that all our clothes are washed, dried, and put away.  I love the feeling that comes knowing all our dishes are clean and put away.  It gives me peace, and helps me relax.  When my boys were small, my cleaning-up-after-dinnertime was their bath-and-bed time with Daddy, so after they were in bed, he and I could sit and talk or watch TV or whatever (ahem) and I wouldn’t have the “I need to get that cleaned up” voice in my head the whole time.

I LOVE this article, Arwen!! I’m starting to figure out my “must-haves” and my “let go’s even though other people seem to manage it”. One of the things that makes me feel better is vacuuming my carpets downstairs…a few times a week. Something feels so much better after all the little specks are up off the carpet and all the fibers are standing up straight. As a matter of fact, while I’m thinking of it, I’m going to go vacuum right now before I pick up my pre-schooler!

I only have one child, but I work full time.  I’m big on doing laundry throughout the week…this way I save the weekend.  It was a lesson I had to learn, to let go of being lazy after dinner in order to reclaim the weekend.  I still toss in laundry on the weekend, but then it’s sheets and towels…so much more do-able when there isn’t a mountain of clothing to summit!

I have always been big on picking up the floor as we go.  Two reasons—one, it gives me a peaceful feeling when I do relax, and two, it makes it possible to vacuum without having to excavate first.  With two cats, vacuuming just needs to happen regularly.

What I let go is regular dusting and deep cleaning.  I don’t do FlyLady, and I do use found time to run a Swiffer duster now and then on weekends.  I feel like cleaning the bathroom regularly is a much better use of time than dusting.

My extras are learning to declutter as I go and not let that awful job pile up on me, and to move sewing or knitting along incrementally even if it’s only 20 minutes that I feel up to doing that day.  Finding those moments makes me mindful of the need to sometimes create larger chunks of time for finishing.  Sounds vague, but my daughter sleeps under a quilt I made for her, and tucking her in every night is that much sweeter because of it.

“Other people’s bests look different, and isn’t that a beautiful thing?”  I love that and it has taken me so long to embrace (or, frankly, even recognize) it.  My “extra” is cooking from scratch for my family.  We raise a lot of our own food and I don’t like feeding my kids artificial stuff so I spend a lot of time cooking and I enjoy it.  I really didn’t recognize this until a neighbor started dropping by regularly.  It seems that no matter WHEN she stops I am either cooking or washing dishes.  I do have drifts of pet hair in the corners of the house and a pretty amazing amount of dirt on the floor but we’re healthy (most years my six kids have perfect attendance at school) so ... well, I would say, “who cares?”, but the answer is I do ...when company’s coming.  So I guess I still have to remind myself of the quote I started out with.  Thanks for a great essay!

Working out has become my soul soothing extra.  It wasn’t always this - I’ve gone through different extras over the years, but this one is new for me.

My soul- soothing extra… I decorate my porch seasonally (plants, etc) and update my wreath on the door with seasonal/holiday ribbons, flowers, etc. It doesn’t need to be done and I could definitely spend my time cleaning my house, but it makes my little house seem so welcoming and inviting and I really enjoy doing it.

Great article- thanks!

What a great article, Arwen! This is why I’ve been reading your blog for six years and stop by here even though I’m not Catholic My extra is also cooking from scratch for my family. A friend of mine who is a wonderful mother who works full time sometimes feels guilty when she sees what we eat. My phrase has become, “we all have different gifts that we give our families.” And it’s so true! She is such a capable, competent woman balancing work, family, and friends. Her son has such a strong role model.

This is a hugely important lesson to learn—and I’m only beginning to see the wisdom of it.  Thank you for this article.  It is difficult for me to let go of my pride and humbly admit that I cannot do it all—no one can!  Even we stay-at-home moms.  I used to think that the only reason my mom didn’t run an efficient, organized, clean, happy home was because she worked and didn’t have time for it. Now I see that for anyone this is an insurmountable set of tasks.  We all have to focus on the few things we can do—prioritize!  I love that sometimes the prioritized thing isn’t necessarily the most “practical”.  It’s beautiful that,in your case, bread making trumps some other nitty-gritty household chores.  Your children will remember the scent of fresh bread wafting through the house.  How wonderful.

My extra is getting a manicure and pedicure regularly.  I just feel so much more put together and it’s nice to get away from the house for an hour.

“Like so much else in my life, it comes back to vocation, to finding the tasks to which I’m called. My husband and I have the job of discerning our family’s charisms, of perceiving our children’s needs, of making the choices which will help our family’s life be the best it can be.” This is absolutely beautiful, Arwen - and theologically profound as well! What a wonderful perspective to bring to your parenting, to think of what your family’s charisms are and how your vocations can share those gifts with the world as you nurture them at home.

When I have a few minutes of down time, I like to read. I’ve learned to let go of “the mess” and not beat myself up if the house needs to be cleaned, the laundry needs to be constantly done and the kids rooms are messy. It’s a delicate balance. Thanks for your article, with the snow we had last night, I am inspired to take the time to make some raisin bread today. Comfort food!

Arwen, You are such a kindred spirit! I was just pondering the other day how baking bread for my family isn’t really necessary but it is something that makes me happy and is always worth the effort. It was one of the first things I started doing after Anthony was born and even though the house was a mess and the laundry was undone having fresh hot bread. Perhaps there’s a small element of pride too. After all, if I’ve made fresh bread how bad can everything be? The house can’t really be all that messy if there’s fresh bread, right?

Tidying up the toys is also high on my list; but truth be told it is something I let slip when I’m in what Jen Fulwiler recently referred to as “bare minimum” mode. In the first trimester, right after the baby’s born when I’m recovering from the c-section…. I’ve learned that I have to let it go. But I don’t like it and try to get back to evening tidying as soon as possible. I look forward to when the kids are old enough that they can tidy everything with minimal supervision and we don’t have to forgo the cleaning when I’m under the weather.

Vacuuming is also high on the list for me. I start to itch after about four days of no vacuuming. We have white carpets and it drives me crazy. But the bathroom is almost never cleaned and I don’t dust and

I bake bread. Regularly. I use my food processor for the mixing. It’s almost a no-mess process. I’ve perfected it from years of experience. There is nothing like that moment when I know it’s been kneaded just right in the machine, and I pull it out and touch that warm perfect dough with my eager hands. For a brief moment, I savor that success. You know, as if in the busyness and chaos of my days, I can actually count on doing something right. Pity me on the days I mess it up God bless you Arwen. (And ... a PS. since it’s so easy, I cringe paying for bread. What does it cost? $.40 to make a beautiful fresh loaf?)

Exercise. Even if it’s only for 30 minutes after the kids, 3 ages 4 and under, go to bed. I don’t necessarily do it for the physical benefits, although as I age I’m sure I’ll appreciate them. I do it for the mental clarity it brings. I’m less moody, less irritable, less exhausted. I just feel better.