Fail Forward
by Tammy Darling in Faith on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 6:00 AM
God, I prayed, no matter what the day holds, I’ll be thankful.
I might as well have added, “Bring it on” for within 30 minutes I began to have one of the worst days of my life. The day concluded with me feeling like the definition of failure.
I felt like such a loser that I didn’t even want to go to God. But I knew I had to. And so I summoned all my courage and humbly went before Him.
I poured out all my failures of the day and exhausted from mentally reviewing them all, I fell silent. It was then that I realized that God doesn’t label us “success” or “failure.” He calls each of us “My Beloved.” I finally understood that God doesn’t define me by my failures and so I refuse to define myself that way.
I am not a failure.
A Closer Look
Failure (real or perceived) is ugly. No one is immune. We have all tasted its bitterness; we have all felt the pain it leaves behind.
The Bible is full of people who failed —t he woman at the well who failed at multiple marriages; the man at the pool who repeatedly failed to get the timing right; the adulterous woman who failed at moral purity; even the doubting disciple who failed to believe. Yet the Lord redeemed their failures, and He’ll do the same for us.
Failure is defined as “falling short of success of achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved.” And we’ve all been there. In fact, the moment we are born, we are guaranteed to fail. Born sinful into a sinful world, we “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
Responding to Failure
Since failure is inevitable, it matters not how we fail but how we respond to failure. Failure itself doesn’t determine whether or not we bounce back from it. It is what we believe about the failure that makes the difference.
For example, do we believe the failure is permanent or temporary? “I always…” or “I never…” statements are an indication that you believe it’s permanent. However, a remark such as “I didn’t do well in this particular situation,” points to a temporary setback.
I really feel like a failure when I neglect to respond to God’s call or obey Him as I should. But I am coming to understand that He still loves me unconditionally.
God has never given up on me, and I trust that He never will. I also know, however, that He won’t just let me go on as I am. He will continue to place opportunities before me that will require obedience and a step of faith on my part.
When we look at our failure, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and self-critical. We can easily convince ourselves that we’re useless and that we can’t do anything right. Our identity doesn’t come from our performance or from the approval of other people, though. Our identity comes from God. We must choose to believe what He says about us.
Blessings of Failure
Failure can, at times, be a blessing in disguise. Robert E. Lee, Commander of the Confederate Army, said, “We failed, but in the good providence of God apparent failure often proves a blessing.” If the South had not “failed” in their mission, our country would not be what it is today.
We don’t have to be ashamed to go to God when we fail. He knows that we will fail, when, and at what. He could prevent it — but He doesn’t. His love for us is not dependent on our “success.” He loves us unconditionally.
Our failures often seem so embarrassing, shameful, or humiliating that we’d like to bury them, forgetting they ever happened. But we can’t. There are too many others who can profit from what we’ve been through. And our failures are redeemed when we share them with others. What we learn and gain in our own failing moments are meant to be shared one day with others who are facing similar kinds of failures.
We can shrug off failure and learn nothing from it. Or we can allow God to turn it into a transformational moment. It’s up to us.
If we’re going to fail — and we will — we might as well fail forward.
—Tammy Darling writes from her home in Three Springs, Pensylvania, where she also homeschools her four daughters.
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