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From Attitude to Gratitude

by Karen Edmisten in Family on Thursday, November 19, 2009 6:00 AM

“Why do I have to wear braces?” my daughter complained. “I’m so tired of them.”

“Well, y’know, you don’t have to,” I snapped. My teen battened her emotional hatches for the coming storm of lecture.

“You should be happy that you get to wear them. You have parents who love you, care about your teeth, and your health, and work hard to provide for you. If we lived in different circumstances, with no access to a dentist, you might be asking me why you have horrible toothaches and have to get all your teeth pulled, or why you can’t go see someone about this pain ...” 

Duly chastened, my daughter sighed. “I know, I know,” she said. 

“And I know, too,” I said, softening. “Braces aren’t fun, but they really are a privilege. Enduring them is easier if you remind yourself that they’re not part of some parental torture scheme.” 

She smiled weakly and shuffled off, resigned to reluctant gratitude. I patted myself on the back for a point scored in the game of Motherly Wisdom. 

The next day, I mentally calculated the coming week’s workload. “I’ve got to do meal planning, and clean the house; I need to run those errands. We really should look at those bunk beds; ask Fr. Scott if he needs drivers for the bonfire thing. Finish my writing project—will I wrap it up in time?—and I’d better ask Johanna about 4-H. I have to preview that book for the girls, too ... which reminds me, we need to get to the library. And I’d better go throw in a load of laundry.” 

I let out a heavy sigh, feeling overworked, underpaid and a tad overwhelmed. And then I remembered it: The Lecture. 

“Have to? Well, you don’t have to, but you get to,” I’d told my daughter. It was comically obvious to me. It’s obvious to you, too, isn’t it? And yet, sometimes it needs to be said. 

I have to remind myself that my “to do” list is brimming with enormous privileges. I know that, and yet it’s easy to forget it when I’m in the midst of the busyness battle. But, every day, I “get to” to do all this: 

I get to be the mother of three fantastic gifts from God. I get to help in the divine work of ushering souls toward heaven. I get to plan meals for this little family because we enjoy the privilege of grocery stores and safe, plentiful food. I get to clean my house, because I have the health and energy to tackle it. I get to have a house—indoor plumbing, hot showers, a roof when it rains and central heat in the winter.

I get to run errands because our vehicle works. I get to shop for bunk beds, because the great guy I married trudges off to work daily in order to provide those beds, this house, our meals, and that minivan. I get to shuttle kids to youth group because we have a parish, and dedicated priests, and a faith that shattered my old darkness and gave me new life in Christ. I get to work from home, trying my best to glorify God in that work.

I get to have an amazing friend who starts a 4-H club for my kids, a friend who’s there when I need her and who lets me know she needs me, too. I get to do laundry because we have plenty of clothes, as well as a handy washer and dryer. And books! We have bountiful books, libraries, and days crammed with exploration, discussion and growing up. 

We’re all growing up around here, including me.

Part of that process is realizing how much further I need to go in a given area, and in my spiritual growth I regularly remind myself to live in gratitude. The Lord tells us, “Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thess. 5:16-18)

Ours is not an ideal or charmed life. It’s framed with rough edges and etched with imperfections. On lecture days, I don’t feel like giving thanks in all things. But this is the life God gave us, and it is a colossal gift. The lesson I’ve learned over the years (one I have to relearn repeatedly) is that when I substitute “I get to” for “I have to” I remember the mound of gifts I’m given daily. And in this month of Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for both the gifts and the reminder. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to—ahem, I get to—go get busy. There are gifts waiting for me today.

— Karen Edmisten is author of The Rosary: Keeping Company with Jesus and Mary. Read her blog at KarenEdmisten.Blogspot.com.

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