Hearts Grow Fonder
by AGroup in Marriage on Wednesday, September 16, 2009 6:00 AM
Hello. My name is Hallie and I am addicted to romance.
Due to this shameful dependence of mine, when recently faced with being separated for a time from my husband, Dan, I resolved to draw upon the wisdom of poor lovers who had gone before us in facing tragic separations. After all, I wasn’t about to let a little thing like 700 miles get in the way of me and my drug of choice.
If you, too, are facing the sadness of such a parting, take heed. With just a little tender loving care, distance can make the heart grow fonder.
Establish Rituals. Before parting ways make a plan to touch base with your significant other at a predetermined time each day, if at all possible. Would it benefit you during those lonely nights to know that you will converse with your beloved in the morning or would it help you more to know that a phone call was waiting at the end of a long day? Pick a time and stick to it. Regular communication is essential while living apart from your spouse.
Old-Fashioned Letter Writing. I am quite smitten with snail mail. The crispness of the stationary, the feel of my favorite pen and even the stamps tickle me pink. Don’t misunderstand me, I bow down before the person who invented email but nothing thrills me quite so much as exchanging handwritten letters with my husband. I imagine Dan staring at a blank piece of paper, pen in hand, contemplating what he’d like to say to me. How can that not make someone feel cherished? If your husband needs a little push, stick a few stamped, addressed blank note cards in his suitcase. He might just get the idea. As my Pastor says in jest, the husband may be the head of the family but the wife is the neck (wink).
Date in a Box. When Harry Met Sally easily ranks among my top three favorite movies. While Dan and I were separated I couldn’t resist dreaming about reenacting the well-known scene in which Harry and Sally, both comfortably reclining in their own beds, watch Casablanca on television while talking on the phone. To make it even more fun I propose preparing an official Date Box for your better half. Include your movie of choice, a calling card if necessary, his favorite candy or homemade cookies, a bag of popcorn, and whatever else he might enjoy having on hand for your long distance Date Night. Pop it in the mail, set a date, call him up and proceed to furiously debate whether Ingrid Bergman made the right decision at the end of the movie.
Dinner is Served. I don’t think I have any Italian blood in me but much like your stereotypical Italian mother I adore feeding my family. I’ve heard rumors that showing love through food is unhealthy but I don’t buy it for a second. My darling husband needs sustenance and his Peanut Butter Sandwich Special just isn’t going cut it. Of course, our manly men like to tell themselves that they are perfectly self-sufficient but you and I both know that they would quickly perish without us, don’t we?
Since there is that little problem of being in different locations here’s what I propose: Ask him to be at home at dinnertime but tell him not to eat anything (this could be tricky so you should probably make something up about it being a brand new day of fasting that he’s never heard of), call a local (to him) restaurant that delivers and treat him to a hearty meal in a box. Even if you happen to be lucky enough to be married to a chef, this little gesture will convey just how much you enjoy caring for him. (Oh, and if any men are reading this, I can promise you undying gratitude should you choose to arrange something similar for your bride.)
Prayer. Just as you would pray together when united be sure to continue to that practice while apart. Being away from your spouse brings unique challenges that are often surprising and unprepared for. The grace that praying together brings will ensure that you both are well-equipped to face those challenges. In addition, it gives both partners the opportunity to voice their struggles and ask for help, both from one another and from God.
Take care, ladies, and please leave a comment sharing your solutions for surviving separation. I know you military wives, God love you, could teach us all a thing or two. This is just Part 1: I’ll be back soon with a few more ideas (you didn’t think I could stop at just five, did you?) including Care Packages, Love on the Internet, and Planning Your Reunion.
—Hallie Lord, a wife and mother of four, converted to the Catholic faith in 2001. She blogs at BettyBeguiles.com.
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