Know When to Hold 'Em
by Tammy Darling in Homemaking on Wednesday, August 11, 2010 6:00 AM
In the early years of my marriage, 1989 BC (Before Children), my home was immaculate. Floors were scrubbed weekly, not a thing was out of place, and “spring” cleaning took place several times a year. While my 1970’s modular home would never make the cover of House Beautiful, there was a time that it was spotless for more than two minutes.
Fast-forward four children later and you’ll find “spotless” is a thing of the past. Now spots are everywhere — milk spots on the furniture, food spots on clothing, spots on the dishes, windows, and mirrors — well, you get the idea.
As a former Martha Stewart clone I had to relax my housekeeping standards. And it wasn’t easy. One relative was seriously concerned how well I would handle the messes my children made.
Having a spotless house may make us feel as though we’ve had a successful day, but God views success differently. God likes order, but it shouldn’t become the focus of our day.
Jesus never said, “You must keep a spotless home,” but He did say, “Let the little children come to Me.”
And that’s precisely why we need to know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. Yes, you may need to fold the laundry, but the time for that will come (“To everything there is a season”!) When you have a child to hold, the laundry can wait.
I do have the washing machine running while I’m working around the house, but I don’t take the time to fold the laundry until evening. To prevent wrinkling, I shake them out as I remove each item from the dryer and neatly place them in a laundry basket. By the end of the day the pile may look like Mount Everest (or Mount Never-rest depending on how you look at it), but I would rather give my kids my undivided attention when they need it most.
It hasn’t always been that way. There was a time that I found myself saying, “Not now, I’m busy” to my kids more times than I can count. But apparently my kids were counting because one decided to clue me in on just how many times I had said it that day. What an eye-opener!
That day was a wake-up call for me. I knew my priorities were seriously out of whack. I did a bit of soul-searching and made some immediate changes, which continue today.
While I can’t drop what I’m doing every single time, I do make every effort to when it’s feasible. I want my kids to know that I’m truly there for them.
My youngest is four-years-old; my oldest is fourteen-years-old, though it seems she was born just yesterday. Time passes by faster than we think, and personally I don’t want to miss a moment.
I don’t want to wake up one day to an empty nest and regret not spending more time with my kids. The time for making precious memories is now.
My house will not pass a white glove inspection; I have chosen to invest my time in my children. In the day-to-day busyness of life, it’s so easy to lose our eternal focus. We veer from pleasing God to keeping up with appearances.
I am learning however, to recognize when my focus is shifting. I lose my peace and begin to feel stressed. I yell because toys cover the living room floor instead of being thankful I have children to play with those toys.
As I begin again to examine my priorities, it’s not difficult to get them lined up. Let’s see, neatly folded, wrinkle-free laundry or holding my preschooler while reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the seemingly millionth time? No contest.
My advice to every new and veteran parent is this: Enjoy the journey. The housework will get done. Eventually. Simply assess the necessary things that must be done for the sake of order and cleanliness; the rest can wait.
As my sister was helping me clean up the house one day in preparation for an evening birthday party she asked, “Are we going for clean or the illusion of clean?” I told her, “The illusion; I don’t have time for clean.”—A far cry from my former Martha Stewart days.
Time with our children passes by too quickly, so enjoy the ride. Plan a surprise picnic. Grab some snacks and read a book to the kids on the front porch. Take an afternoon and go to the park. The possibilities are endless, and the memories last a lifetime—you can’t say that about folding the laundry.
Life is full of choices, some of which we pay little mind to. I am learning however, to become more aware of the choices I face each day for some are more important than we may realize.
So when it comes down to this choice: hold ‘em or fold ‘em, I’ll choose to hold ‘em every time. Life is too short to choose folding laundry over holding my kids.
—Tammy Darling writes from her home in Three Springs, Pensylvania, where she also homeschools her four daughters.
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