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Email a FriendPosted by anonymous on Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 9:28 AM (EDT):
Thank you, especially for the comment under “pray” about our bodies being given up. You give lot’s of food for thought…
Love Your Body
How real moms come to terms with postpartum bodies
by Kate Wicker in Health on Tuesday, July 14, 2009 6:00 AM
After the birth of my first child, I made a disappointing discovery: Harold and his magic purple crayon appeared to have had a heyday with my derrière.
Yes, I had my first set of stretch marks and even though they were only faint lines, I shamefully lamented over my new bum graffiti.
Although a part of me was proud of these marks of motherhood (I’d earned my stripes!), like so many times in the past, I had trouble silencing the demeaning, “you’re not good enough” voice inside of me and I started to obsess over my weight.
One day I was staring at my baby’s delicious rolls. She grinned, looking up with bright eyes. Something about that moment – that sweet smile – crushed me. Tears pricked behind my eyes as I realized that for the first time my body angst wasn’t only hurting me – it was hurting my daughter. Each time I punished myself for not being thin enough, every time I stood in front of the mirror just to berate my body, I was transferring my self-loathing to my child, teaching her the body is something to be chastised instead of cherished.
It was time for a body image makeover. So I stopped looking at my backside (besides looking at my baby’s squeezable bottom was far more fun). I was careful about what I said about looks, knowing I now had an audience. I shifted my focus from my body to my baby’s. How was she growing and changing? What new rolls were forming, thanks to the milk my body miraculously produced? Little by little, I pushed negative thoughts about how I looked aside.
Three babies later, I still occasionally struggle with my “mom bod,” but I’m slowly but surely making peace with my softer form. You should, too. Here’s how:
Focus on health, not weight. I no longer use the scale to gauge my postpartum health. Squeezing into my pre-baby jeans isn’t a priority either. Instead, I focus on healthy eating and exercise (even if all I have time for is a family game of tag). Joy Bailey, mom to 16-month-old Elisabeth, agrees being healthy should be your priority. “I stay active and try to focus on what my body can do,” she says. “When I have critical thoughts, I try and bring the focus back to health.”
Take baby steps. Helene Byrne, a perinatal exercise specialist, author of Exercise After Pregnancy: How to Look and Feel Your Best
1. Make each serving size 80 percent of what you would normally have.
2. Eat until you feel just 80 percent full, then stop.
3. Choose foods with the highest nutritional value for 80 percent of your daily calories, which leaves 20 percent for foods of lower quality.
Ditch the “yummy mommy” ideal. “Our society places unhealthy and unrealistic norms on what our bodies should look like. After pregnancy, all of us have soft, round tummies and fuller breasts and hips. If we cling to unrealistic expectations, then it just makes things worse,” says Byrne. “The postpartum physique is the most womanly of our lives – one that we should respect and cherish.” Remember, you’re made in God’s image, not Hollywood’s.
Be patient. Most normal women – as in all of us who don’t have the luxury of personal trainers, nutritionists and chefs at our service – should expect it to take nine months to a year to shed the “baby weight.” “Postpartum weight loss is slow and steady – about two pounds per month,” says Byrne.
Embrace your inner super model. As in a super role model. It was my daughter who gave me a wake-up call. The same holds true for Bailey. “I want Elisabeth to value health and strength, to understand about taking care of her body so that it can take care of her,” she says. “Most importantly, I want her to know that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Like her mother before her, that may be something she needs to figure out for herself, but perhaps I can ease and shorten the journey.”
Pray. Despite my best efforts, I still have “ugly days.” This is when I have to turn to God and ask him to help me focus on the health of my soul, not the size of my hips. Then I scoop my baby into my arms and remind myself that “this is my body and it has been given up” for my children and that a few extra pounds and a set of stretch marks are a worthy sacrifice for the sublime gift of motherhood.
—Kate wicker is a beautiful wife and mother of three girls. Visit her online at KateWicker.com.
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image credit: Norman Rockwell
Comments
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Posted by Kris Chatfield on Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 9:55 AM (EDT):
Great article!! I think we all struggle with this - even those of us that are a number of years away from our last baby. Now I’m into the peri-menopausal issues, where it’s even harder to maintain that girlish figure!! I think our husbands play an important role in this, too. Mine loves my body, curves and all, and makes a point of telling me that. And I need to listen and believe!!
Posted by Jennifer on Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 10:17 AM (EDT):
What helped me the most come to terms with my “new body” after each of my four children was to buy some new clothes that fit my current figure, so I could ditch the maternity clothes, and not wait until I lost the 20lbs or so. You’d be amazed at what a new skirt or new pair of pants can do to your self esteem. And you certainly don’t have to spend a lot of $ on clothes.
Posted by Regina on Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 1:09 PM (EDT):
I agree Jennifer! Buy some cute clothes that fit your actually body—size 8 or size 16 or whatever you are—and don’t pine for the skinny jeans. Your exact you deserves to look nice now. It’s amazing, too, what a nice haircut, new scent, cute sunglasses and other little add-ons can do for your self-image!
Posted by Milehimama on Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 1:11 PM (EDT):
I have to say, breastfeeding really helps with this. I’m not naturally “endowed”, so to speak, except the first few months postpartum!
I think it also helps to see how your postpartum body is FUNCTIONAL for mothering. You need hips to hold babies on, after all. It’s more than an issue of weight though - I weigh the same as when I got pregnant right now (4 weeks postpartum) but it’s, ahem , distributed differently, KWIM?
Posted by RE on Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 2:32 PM (EDT):
One thing that really helped me postpartum was to get out and walk EVERY DAY. I would nurse my son, and then leave him with Daddy while I took a refreshing walk. It was a great way to clear my head, get some fresh air, and keep my energy level up. I also made an effort to work out during pregnancy (with my Dr’s permission, of course). I felt that being in good physical shape helped me “bounce back” much faster.
Posted by Kimberley Payne on Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 10:16 PM (EDT):
Excellent article, Kate. I totally agree on the importance to focus on health, not weight. I love that I can chase my children up the stairs, carry six bags of groceries in from the van, and enjoy a walk around the block with our dog. It’s all about the quality of life.
Kimberley
Posted by Heidi Keiser on Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 10:49 PM (EDT):
Are the 80% rules really realistic (1 & 2)? As the nursing mom of a six-month-old, reading those just makes something in me panic. Yes, I’m still a size larger than I was before I got pregnant, but if I don’t eat until I’m actually full at a meal, then an hour later I’m ravenous - and cranky, on top of it. Lately, it’s seemed like a better rule of thumb for me is to make each serving size 110% of what I would normally have. No headache, no rumbling stomach yelling for calories (less likely to be healthy calories in-between meals), no meltdowns. Speaking of which, I think I should have eaten more at dinner….
Once again Kate, you wrote a winner here. I have three children as well, but my youngest just turned 2. I used to be a size 2, working out all the time, doing Tae-Bo, playing field hockey. I enjoyed those things. But then I got pregnant! I gained A LOT of weight with my first one. But then I also lost it. Then got pregnant with the second, didn’t gain a whole lot, but never lost that. Then came the third, same thing. It seems as if I’m hanging at this weight. And I have come to terms with it. I still don’t like the mushy belly I have. Do I wish it was firmer? Um, yes, absolutely, but like you said, and I love that you quoted this, “this is my body and it has been given up.”
The other thing that has really and truly helped is my husband. I’m definitely harder on myself than he is. It was hard for me to believe, and still is sometimes, but he doesn’t care! He still loves me and wants to be with me. Society is such a booger! The more I have stayed away from magazines and MTV and things like that, the easier it has been for me to accept myself. All you have to do is go somewhere and you will find that skinny minny is definitely NOT the norm. We all have different sizes and shapes and that’s what God gave us. And I’m so grateful to have my babies, I guess I can sacrifice my body for that.
Oh yeah, and I definitely agree with the clothes and haircut stuff. It DEFINITELY has a positive affect on the way I think about myself, even though my body hasn’t changed at all.
Thanks so much for this article Kate. God bless.
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