Love Your Body
by Kate Wicker in Health on Tuesday, July 14, 2009 6:00 AM
After the birth of my first child, I made a disappointing discovery: Harold and his magic purple crayon appeared to have had a heyday with my derrière.
Yes, I had my first set of stretch marks and even though they were only faint lines, I shamefully lamented over my new bum graffiti.
Although a part of me was proud of these marks of motherhood (I’d earned my stripes!), like so many times in the past, I had trouble silencing the demeaning, “you’re not good enough” voice inside of me and I started to obsess over my weight.
One day I was staring at my baby’s delicious rolls. She grinned, looking up with bright eyes. Something about that moment – that sweet smile – crushed me. Tears pricked behind my eyes as I realized that for the first time my body angst wasn’t only hurting me – it was hurting my daughter. Each time I punished myself for not being thin enough, every time I stood in front of the mirror just to berate my body, I was transferring my self-loathing to my child, teaching her the body is something to be chastised instead of cherished.
It was time for a body image makeover. So I stopped looking at my backside (besides looking at my baby’s squeezable bottom was far more fun). I was careful about what I said about looks, knowing I now had an audience. I shifted my focus from my body to my baby’s. How was she growing and changing? What new rolls were forming, thanks to the milk my body miraculously produced? Little by little, I pushed negative thoughts about how I looked aside.
Three babies later, I still occasionally struggle with my “mom bod,” but I’m slowly but surely making peace with my softer form. You should, too. Here’s how:
Focus on health, not weight. I no longer use the scale to gauge my postpartum health. Squeezing into my pre-baby jeans isn’t a priority either. Instead, I focus on healthy eating and exercise (even if all I have time for is a family game of tag). Joy Bailey, mom to 16-month-old Elisabeth, agrees being healthy should be your priority. “I stay active and try to focus on what my body can do,” she says. “When I have critical thoughts, I try and bring the focus back to health.”
Take baby steps. Helene Byrne, a perinatal exercise specialist, author of Exercise After Pregnancy: How to Look and Feel Your Best
1. Make each serving size 80 percent of what you would normally have.
2. Eat until you feel just 80 percent full, then stop.
3. Choose foods with the highest nutritional value for 80 percent of your daily calories, which leaves 20 percent for foods of lower quality.
Ditch the “yummy mommy” ideal. “Our society places unhealthy and unrealistic norms on what our bodies should look like. After pregnancy, all of us have soft, round tummies and fuller breasts and hips. If we cling to unrealistic expectations, then it just makes things worse,” says Byrne. “The postpartum physique is the most womanly of our lives – one that we should respect and cherish.” Remember, you’re made in God’s image, not Hollywood’s.
Be patient. Most normal women – as in all of us who don’t have the luxury of personal trainers, nutritionists and chefs at our service – should expect it to take nine months to a year to shed the “baby weight.” “Postpartum weight loss is slow and steady – about two pounds per month,” says Byrne.
Embrace your inner super model. As in a super role model. It was my daughter who gave me a wake-up call. The same holds true for Bailey. “I want Elisabeth to value health and strength, to understand about taking care of her body so that it can take care of her,” she says. “Most importantly, I want her to know that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Like her mother before her, that may be something she needs to figure out for herself, but perhaps I can ease and shorten the journey.”
Pray. Despite my best efforts, I still have “ugly days.” This is when I have to turn to God and ask him to help me focus on the health of my soul, not the size of my hips. Then I scoop my baby into my arms and remind myself that “this is my body and it has been given up” for my children and that a few extra pounds and a set of stretch marks are a worthy sacrifice for the sublime gift of motherhood.
—Kate wicker is a beautiful wife and mother of three girls. Visit her online at KateWicker.com.
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image credit: Norman Rockwell
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