This is very timely because I was griping yet again to my husband that although I have managed to find friends for my kids   I haven’t found any for myself.  I live in an area where everyone has extended family and no one seems to be interested in meeting new friends.  They are busy and their plates are full.  I do not have family in the area and I and I have not lived in this area very long.  I have tried hard to reach out to other moms but I always get the brush off.  Part of the problem is I homeschool and homeschooling moms are the busiest of all.  Very frustrating!

Dear “Needs a Friend,”

I hope you can meet some new moms this year!  I’m also a homeschooling mom, but thankfully we’re blessed with a huge network of homeschoolers in the area.  I’ll offer a special prayer that you’re able to find your niche and are given that opportunity to meet someone new very soon!

And as a post-script to this story…I did finally meet that mom who had reached out to me.  Turns out she attends my parish and has children of similar ages, so we enjoyed visiting the rest of the swim season and have stayed in touch since then.  I love when God gives us that opportunity to try again!

Here’s to a new year of friendships for all the lonely mamas out there!

Hi “Needs a friend”,

Me too!  I sometimes worry that I don’t make a very good friend because I am busy with my kids and husband and soccer and homeschooling.  I’m just not sure that I can, or should, commit the kind of time and energy it takes to nurture a good friendship.  I have a few “phone friends” that I can talk to while I am doing laundry, or washing dishes and we are so busy with our kids that the conversations are often interrupted.  But still!  I love being able to connect for 20 minutes or so because then I don’t feel so *alone* and lonely in this journey..

I will pray for you to find someone!

Your article touched me.  I’ve been a stay at home for 6 years now and I can relate.  The first 3 years were the loneliest.  I turned to prayer and in time I have learned to seek our Lord for comfort.  I still haven’t found a Godly friend on this earth, but I have had more positive encounters.  Also thanks to resources like the YMCA, International Mom’s Club and our local prayer group…and a marriage retreat, I am more sane.  I try to reach out to moms today….but as you pointed out…get the cold shoulder so many times.  Perhaps we will all open up to one another and embrace one another.  After all, we are going through similar struggles.

Great article Blair! Being a stay at home mom is very isolating and recently I have had trouble finding friends. When my oldest was little, I was part of several play groups and other activities that allowed me plenty of social time. But, most of those women have moved, gone back to work or school or have gotten busier as they, like me, have had several more children. I’m naturally very shy so it has been a big struggle for me to reach out to other moms to try to form new friendships. But, you are right, it is so worth it when you do! After feeling very lonely for quite a while, I recently met several women who are turning into good friends and I found a new mom’s group to be a part of. God is answering my prayers!

Lets pray for ourselves and all the women in our lives who may need us to reach out to them.

Great timing, I’ll remember all of you as I cry to myself today. I moved here about a year ago, to an area where not too many people move in. I was used to being super involved in school and Church, but can’t seem to break in here. I really just don’t know how. I thought I was making some friends, but never get beyond the initial stage. I really miss having women to talk to once in a while. I still have my friends back where I came from, but it isn’t the same, I am hoping the new school year might bring some more opportunities.

This is a very valuable topic.  I belong to a local moms group in a neighboring town (because my town doesn’t have one).  Due to distance from many of the moms in the group, I was having a hard time meeting anyone.  But a brave mom posted that she was new to the area and having a hard time meeting friends, and this sparked a talk on the group’s yahoo site that lead me to meeting a member in my town who has two kids around my son’s age.  Her husband and mine also get along great.  I’ve mentioned before being snubbed my my neighbor who has a son my son’s age, but I’m glad that I’ve had positive experiences, too.

Years ago, I moved away from a great circle of friends, and was very lonely.  I had plenty of neighbors on whom I could rely for assistance (babysitting for an ER trip), but not a “bosom buddy” who shared my faith, goals, dreams.  I prayed hard for over a year.  In the meantime, I “met” like-minded women through blogging (no F&F back then!).  It’s not the same as having somebody to share coffee with, but it was better than nothing.

One day, at a secular homeschool group meeting, a woman walked in carrying a baby and with 5 in tow.  Hard not to notice her!  She sat down opposite me and had the exact same (Catholic) calendar, although mine was at home.  I told her that I had the same one, which was code for “I’m Catholic too!”  The next thing you know, we’re getting together for a Feast of the Archangels party (not that we did anything really formal: prayed the Saint Michael prayer and ate blackberry pie, I think!) and a Saint Nicholas party and any other excuse. 

We no longer live close by, but we keep in touch.  Keep praying, Ladies.  And force yourself to get out of your shell and invite people over.  This fall, I intend to host a nature study at my home (we have a lake in the backyard).  I don’t know who might come, but if I meet one new friend, it will be worth it.

Also, I’ll put in a plug for Alice Gunther’s book: Haystack Full of Needles: A Catholic Home Educator’s Guide to Socialization.  This is all about finding friends for yourself and your children.  Even if you do not homeschool, your kids are a great way to reach out to others.  There is no reason a mom of school aged children attending public school couldn’t organize a Catholic after school club and advertise in the church bulletin.

Great article. Glad to see I’m not alone in feeling alone either. I have met some good people but they aren’t people I talk to all the time. Everyone seems to be so busy with family and their close group of friends. It is hard to break into someone’s inner circle. I feel like I’m on everyone’s B list of friends! I will keep praying about it!

Great article, Blair!  Thanks for the reminder for us to always encourage our kids to reach out to new people.  Gig ‘em!  ; )

I joined La Leche League over 26 years ago when I was expecting my first baby.  I am still friends with many of these women today even though some have moved away.  We share many of the same values.  If you breastfeed, this may be a great moms’ club for you.

Wow, another way I thought I was the only one! After the husband,the kids and the house-there is no real time for friends. Many aquaintances at school, baseball and scouts but not really friends. Thank God for my sister, I’ll always have her!

I wanted to share my story of a missed/second opportunity.It’s amazing how God works. My family and I had just moved overseas. One Sunday we sat next to a local family with girls of similar age. They started “playing” in church, as children will do. We parents introduced ourselves after mass and mentioned that we should get together some time. Months went by and we never followed up because we had met some other American friends. My American friend ended up “stabbing me in the back” really bad, enough to break the friendship. A few days later I was crying to my husband, while sitting in a coffee shop, that I didn’t have any friends. In walked this lady I had met in church. She sat down and we talked for 2 hours. We became best friends and had a set coffee date every week. We ended up moving back to the US earlier than expected, and I still kick myself for the time I missed with my special friend because I hadn’t made the effort earlier.  I’ve learned my lesson, and now that I’m back here I am making a real effort to reach out.

Great article, Blair!  Just this past weekend, I met a new friend and also ran into Colleen who posted above at the Living Matrimony group at church (we meet once a month to work on our marriages while the children are in childcare). As a transplant who moved 9 years ago and was newlywedded and newly converted, it was very difficult to make friends. It was made especially more difficult b/c I had the sense my husband didn’t value that aspect of life as much as me. In the end, I started talking a great deal to the saints and found an amazing plethora of friends in the Church in Heaven. Before I knew it, I was also finding some pretty amazing friends in the Church on earth. 

When I do feel lonely or like a misfit, I often find it is due to my own created sense of business, the proverbial ‘to do’ lists that have to be checked off.  Prayer has ceased being an intimate dialogue w/Christ and the saints and has been relegated to something I do vs a reflection of who I am.  By abandoning my identity as a friend of Christ, I also notice my other friendhships with His people dwindling. Going back to the basics of loving Christ above all helps me see Christ in ‘mouth of friend or stranger’ as St. Patrick put it.  Thanks for putting this important message about friendship out there for people to ponder!