Self Improvement and Sacraments
by Susie Lloyd in Faith on Wednesday, January 06, 2010 6:00 AM
I dimly recall that before the end of 2009 I thought about maybe talking to my husband about sitting down together and making some resolutions. It was a noble impulse. But alas, it lacked resolve.
Maybe this ought to bother me but it doesn’t. As a Catholic, I make resolutions not just at the start of a new year but all year round—whenever I go to Confession. I developed the habit in my early years right around the time I developed a habit of sin. They seemed to go together—like getting dirty and taking a bath. Sometimes I got dirty by accident, sometimes on purpose. My mother made me clean up either way.
My mother the Church has the same attitude about Confession. She only requires it once a year but really, if you’re dirty: Just go get cleaned up.
Resolving just once a year is not the best way to make important changes. Imagine taking a bath just once a year—no, don’t! It’s no surprise that more than half of New Year’s resolutions fail.
What is surprising is the other 40-46 percent, the nearly half that succeed. It turns out that they use a process very similar to the five steps in the sacrament of Confession.
My information comes from psychologist, Dr. John Norcross of the University of Scranton. Figures, a Jesuit college.
Examine your Conscience/Take Stock of Yourself
My catechism days remind me that to make a good Confession I must first think of my particular sins. What did I deliberately think, do or say that was wrong? What did I leave out that I should have done?
When I make a New Year’s resolution I do the same thing. I take stock of myself – honestly. Why make excuses? The goal is to change the unlikeable thing, not try to cover it up. Besides, everyone else knows what it is!
Resolve Not to Sin Again/Resolve to Change
Spiritual advisors advise the incremental approach. It’s self-defeating, and sometimes proud, to try to fix all our vices in one shot. Once in awhile God produces a Magdalen or a St. Paul. But the rest of us smucks just plod along.
Dr. Norcross too advises giving yourself reasonable goals. Focus on making small, consistent changes.
By the way, the resolving part is the part that feels good. It feels so good that it’s easy to mistake the resolution for the action and then… do nothing to change. This is probably where the “more than half” stop. That’s why you have to keep going to steps 3,4 and 5.
Confess Your Sins to the Priest/Tell a Friend Your Resolution
This is the part that does not feel good. No one wants to say his (dirty) laundry list of sins to another human being. “Bless me Father… I lied. I cheated.” Yet isn’t it better to say it than to keep doing it?
A lot of people ask why Catholics don’t just go to God with their sins. Why do we get another human being in on it? Of course, we know that reasons are Biblical—Christ gave His apostles the power to forgive sins. But why did He do it that way?
Perhaps the reasons are similar to why Dr. Norcross says to tell a friend about your resolution. It keeps you accountable to a specific person for a specific thing. Telling a friend who then asks: “How’s that diet coming?” keeps you focused—uncomfortably. But that’s what works.
At the end of Confession you make a pledge to “avoid the near occasions of sin.” It’s no different when making a New Year’s resolution. Norcross says, “If you are limiting the sweets, don’t hang out in the bakery.” Simple.
Do Your Penance/Get to Work
Penances come in all different forms, three Hail Mary’s, one act of kindness, it doesn’t matter. The idea is that you’re not done. You’ve got work to do. It’s really a sign of hope. Just because you’ve fallen, all is not lost. You are ready to start anew.
A lot of people give up their New Year’s resolution the minute they go off it. They figure it’s hopeless. Yet, those who ultimately succeed—and Dr. Norcross says it takes about six months to sustain a new habit—did fall and got up anyway. If anything, their fall made their resolve even stronger.
It’s important to realize that no matter what kind of resolutions we make – spiritual or temporal, frequent or annual, will power is not enough. St. Peter firmly resolved that he’d die with Jesus. He soon found out that you’ve got to put your willpower in the hand of God. “Without me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
That’s the real reason Jesus gave us this Sacrament. Personal contact with Him. A direct experience of His mercy. Makes me think that even my flimsy willpower, united to His, has a fighting chance.
—Senior writer Susie Lloyd’s latest book is Bless Me Father For I Have Kids.
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