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Email a FriendAbsolutely, material possessions don’t hold a candle to people. However, some of us are unable to give our children siblings. As Catholics we all need to be open to life and to have our priorities straight, as this article points out. But we also need to remember that the Holy Family was a family of three. If for whatever reason God doesn’t provide siblings, we need to appreciate the positives of a small family as well. I would love to give my son a sibling. If God doesn’t make that possible (which he likely won’t), I don’t have to look far to see the positives of a small family (not material things, but the extra attention that I’m able to give my son which is a huge benefit to him for reasons that are too complicated to mention here).
Sibling Revelry
by Jake Frost in Family on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 6:00 AM
My sister Agnes is a hoot—whip-smart, fast with one-liners, and full of fun. I love talking to her on the phone. Calls from Agnes are events. I get a drink, kick-back on the couch, and prepare to laugh.
She always calls me from the road when she’s driving to Mom & Dad’s house. I’m 6 hours and one state closer to the homestead than Agnes, so I usually get there first. One of the states Agnes has to traverse to reach kith and kin is Wisconsin (or Wisco as Agnes calls it). She gets a lot of tickets in Wisco.
“That’s why I drive so fast in Wisco,” Agnes said. “I try to get through before they give me another ticket.”
Once when Agnes called and I was already home, Mom said: “Ask Agnes if she wants me to get something ready to eat for when she gets here.”
“No,” Agnes answered, “I don’t eat anything at Mom and Dad’s house until I check the expiration dates in the fridge first.”
Not to be outdone, Mom took a black marker, went into the fridge, and crossed-out all the expiration dates. When Agnes got there, she went to the fridge to find a snack, and filled the whole house with her belly-laugh. She’s got one of those infectious laughs that gets everyone else laughing too. Little zany things like that spring up around Agnes.
She’s also solid in a pinch. If you already spent the bonus check that was promised, then it doesn’t come through, you can count on Agnes. I won’t go into all the stories. I can’t. Most of them I don’t know. That’s because Agnes never says anything about helping someone out. Some people, if they put 50 cents in the bell-ringer’s bucket at Christmas, you’ll still be hearing about it come Easter. If you’re the person in need, it’s tough to have your troubles broadcast far and wide. With Agnes, you don’t have to worry. If Agnes gives someone the coat off her back, the only way you’ll know is if you see her shivering when it’s cold. She’s the 007 of good works. A secret agent of kindness. Jokes and stories a-plenty she’ll share, but never a piece of gossip.
Agnes is a blessing, one of the people about whom Scripture says: “Barter not a friend for money, nor a dear brother for . . . gold” (Sirach 7, 18). “A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter, he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a lifesaving remedy ... ” (Sirach 6, 14-16). and “A brother is born for the time of stress” (Proverbs 17, 17).
Brothers and sisters are a tremendous gift to your children. Far better than any material thing. It surprises me when people say it’s a bad idea to have lots of kids. A kid should have his own room, piles of new clothes, a car at 16, and college paid for by you?
Scripture tells us none of these things compare with a brother or sister. Who would trade life for a shirt? Better to have a brother to share your room, than a room alone. Long after a car is rusting in some junk yard, siblings will have each other. Better to have a sister rooting for you to get that college scholarship than to be alone when you come home from school. If he needs to go to a less expensive college, or take out a loan, his family will be with him at graduation and long after any loan’s paid off.
Instead of a car, give your kids a family. Joy. Memories. Nights of laughing and swapping stories into the wee hours, instead of sitting alone in front of a fancy entertainment center. A helping hand through thick-and-thin their whole life. We won’t be around for our kids their whole life, but after we’re gone their brothers and sisters will still be there for each other.
—Jake Frost is a lawyer and writer who lives near the Mississippi River in St. Paul, Minn. with his wife and children. He comes from a large family in a small Midwest town and writes for Catholic publications around the country.
Comments
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I am an only child and my parents had hoped to have more children. Parents can bless their children in many ways of course and no doubt your son receives many wonderful blessings from you. Friends, cousins, neighbors can sometimes play very close roles to siblings.
Still it warms my heart to hear this story. I wished for a brother or sister while growing up and Jake’s story rings true of many of the sibling relationships I know of. I hope that I will have children to grow up loving each other the way Jake and Agnes do.
Makes me think fondly of growing up in a small three bedroom ranch with 7 people, 5 children. I loved being in a large family and have wonderful memories that I treasure. We had little in terms of money, but lots of love and friends. I have two children and prayed to be blessed with more, but this is all in God’s plans. They are best friends and some times rivals but love each other dearly. Great article, thank you
Great article! I too am praying for siblings for my daughter. I linked to this on my weekly roundup - thanks for sharing!
Netta, I followed the link from your blog to the article about how having a big family might be easier, and that article made a lot of good points. My son is likely to remain an only child (not by my choice), and I do have to make special efforts to expose him to things like sharing, turn-taking, socializing, etc that he would learn naturally if he had siblings. Not that I’m questioning God’s wisdom, mind you. There are certainly graces in our current lifestyle, and God knows best what the perfect size is for our family. But it was a very interesting article.
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