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My store is similar. So I’ll spare details. However, trusting God the night I got the wrong number phone call was strangely the best decision of my life. I have a husband I could never have imagined for myself but who is the one God made just for me. And I have 3 beautiful children who are young enough that mending their hearts is easy now. But both my husband and my children have taught me much about placing my trust in God. Anywhere else, it is misplaced.
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted
a tough lesson in what is true
by Kate Wicker in Faith on Thursday, May 13, 2010 6:00 AM
There was a boy who I thought was the “one.” We met in college – not at some rowdy co-ed party - but at the Catholic Center on campus.
Maybe that was my first mistake. I’d so badly wanted to find the “perfect Catholic guy” that I was blinded by bliss and never saw “IT” coming. IT being the inevitable heartbreak, of course.
I honestly can’t remember how the courtship started. It’s kind of like a dream that starts out all happy and sepia-toned and then quickly takes a turn for the worse and ends up as a jagged jumble in my mind. I recall bits and pieces. He was a musician, and he wooed me with his guitar. That much I definitely remember.
And the end, I remember that, too.
For far too long, I held onto the pain. The hopelessness. The constant, dull aching in the pit of my stomach. The feeling of being physically sick. Anyone who has had a broken heart knows what I’m talking about.
Eventually, I pushed him out of my mind, even my heart, but the fear he’d given me – the fear that I could be fooled into loving anyone – haunted me for a long time.
I’ve long since healed and pieced together the shards of that broken heart of mine. In the rebuilding phase, I confronted my mistakes – my loving someone who had probably never loved me and my belief that I could make him love me by giving everything I had to him. I went to Confession. I sought solace in my mom and a handful of close friends. I forgave him and more importantly, I forgave myself.
When that boy and I first started dating, I’d so desperately wanted a happy ending, to live happily ever after with my Catholic prince. Instead, God gave me a tough lesson in what is true. That musicians aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. That I was someone who deserved more respect. That real love isn’t about self-gratification for either party; it’s about giving more than receiving. That my parents were right about a lot of things. And that coming to the end of a false hope heals and restores even if it feels like it’s tearing you apart.
A lot of time has lapsed since my tough lesson, and I know now that God used that heartbreak to make me stronger, to force me to put my hope in Him, not some idyllic view of romantic love. God, the Master Builder, made whole the crumbles of my former self. Later He sent me my Prince Charming who would become my husband and the father of my children, although he was a different prince than I’d expected. And perhaps God gave me those dark days so that I might be more equipped to one day help heal my own children’s broken hearts.
It’s so easy to wipe their tears away and mend my daughters’ hearts right now. When they are a sad, a cuddle is usually the best medicine. I wish it was always going to be that simple. I’d like to hold them, protect them, and keep them safe always. But I know this won’t be possible. Even if it was, it wouldn’t be good for them. We cannot be rebuilt if we’re never broken. Or something like that.
My oldest is only five, but I admit I’m already dreading those dating years. And praying about them, too: Please don’t make the same mistakes I did. Love God. Love yourself and look for a man who will do the same. I also pray the Holy Spirit will give me the guidance I need to teach our children to respect themselves and to choose dating partners wisely. However, even if my kids do everything “right,” they may have to endure a broken heart. But that’s just it: They will endure. I know because I did. So have millions of other brokenhearted people.
I remember hearing the song, “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?” blasting over the radio in the wake of my long ago breakup and wondering, through my drippy, dramatic tears, where all the lonely hearts drifted off to and what really became of them. I didn’t have the answer, so I began to talk to God about it. Slowly but surely, spending time with Him filled up my emptiness with His love, and my painful time of loneliness became a journey into God’s care.
Before long, I knew the answer to the Motown hit’s central question. Some of the brokenhearted find a suitable spouse and happiness in the Sacrament of Marriage. Others do not. We have different vocations, different paths. We make good and bad choices. We don’t always bend to God’s will. We let go of His hand and hold tightly to another’s who may lead us astray.
Sometimes we do let His will be done, and it still hurts. Badly. But with God’s grace, we survive. We endure. We are blessed because we mourn. And often it’s when we think we have no one that we find the love of our life who is just waiting, waiting for us to fall in head over heels in love with Him.
—Senior writer Kate Wicker is a wife and mom of three girls. Read her blog at KateWicker.com.
Resources:
- Christian Courtship In An Oversexed World: A Guide For Catholics
- Prayer for the Broken Hearted
- Road to Cana: Resources for single men and women preparing for the Sacrament of Marriage
Comments
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Posted by Anon on Thursday, May 13, 2010 10:20 AM (EDT):
It may not be you or even your children. You may have to comfort a sibling or a close friend. My sister who was married to a “good Catholic guy” for 18 years, whom she met at a Catholic university and raised three children with, was recently abandoned by him. I can’t tell you how devastating this has been. To witness someone whom you love dearly being discarded like a piece of garbage is a tragedy beyond words. Thankfully she has her faith and her family to lean on. Please keep her and her children in your prayers.
Posted by Manya on Thursday, May 13, 2010 5:39 PM (EDT):
I’m so sorry to hear what your sister and her children are going through. I went through that, too. My husband was not “a good Catholic guy” and I gave him a lot of lee way for what he did because he actually practiced no religion. I thought many times, “If only he’d been a man of faith, he never would have done the things he did.” But, that’s not always the case. Even “good Catholics” (both men and women) can choose the wrong path. My faith got me and my children through and we’re well and happy again. Your sister and her children will get through it, too, and your loving support will be hugely helpful to them.
Posted by Anon2 on Thursday, May 13, 2010 10:39 AM (EDT):
Great read! I remember the mix tape I made in my 4th year of college after being discarded by a “good Catholic guy” myself…I also have 3 girls and hope the same thing—that they won’t experience the same kind of heartbreak (much of it brought on by my own actions) but will be spared that agony…though I think more people do than don’t.
I especially love your final point. B/c even those of us who have been blessed to end up with a faithful and loving spouse still have to remember—God is the ultimate Lover who meets the needs that no human being can!
Posted by Suzi on Thursday, May 13, 2010 1:26 PM (EDT):
I had to laugh at this post: I have a mushy musician son, who is a huge romantic: a good Catholic Guy, who had his heart broken by a good Catholic Girl! As I tell him “two great people don’t always belong together. The other one doesn’t instantly become terrible because they were either not available to be the one to recieve what you have to give or because God has better plans for you!” However my mushy musican son broke a couple of hearts too. I think courting is an adventure that is difficult to form our children in as we are not forming those that they will encounter and that pesky little thing of choice comes into play! I am sure that in between 5 and courting you will find something wise to relay to them! It does usually come right of the cuff of the Holy Spirit! I have (2) more coming up the ranks! My theory is they can’t court til they are 100! We’ll see if I win. hehehehehe
Posted by Susie on Thursday, May 13, 2010 6:06 PM (EDT):
Got a daughter who is in love with “the good Catholic guy.” Even though they are still in the relationship and talking marriage, I get those teary phone calls. There’s a lot to work through. I always tell her that we’ve been conditioned through movies to think that after the kiss and fade out, a couple lives happily ever after. But really Shakespeare had it closer to the truth: “the course of true love never did run smooth.”
Posted by Maman A Droit on Thursday, May 13, 2010 6:44 PM (EDT):
I think we are conditioned by our culture to expect it to be “easy” to find the right guy, and if course it usually isn’t, and it’s so tough to feel like everyone else found Prince Charming but you! I love your point about that some of us are called to the vocation of marriage, and that God has other plans for some others of us. I think that’s so
important, because I think a lot if women feel like failures if they don’t find a good husband and get married and have kids, when in reality they might be doing exactly what God had planned for them in life. I love that I’ve been called to a vocation of being a wife and mother, but I know God has a special role for “old maids” too!
Thanks for this article! I can so empathize… I had my share of heartbreaks from good Catholic guys (at least one of whom was a mushy musician, and all truly were and are good Catholics and good guys, just heartbreaks from love not matching up the way I wanted). I too met my Prince Charming eventually, and am now happily married with a one year old daughter, but even there it didn’t always run smooth - I’ve been in Susie’s daughter’s shoes. Tell her to hang in there and put her faith in God’s plan for their relationship. My now-husband broke up with me after three years of dating - I was devastated, but thought that was the end of it, and tried to make a clean break. Three days later he called me to say he’d made a mistake, we met and he made it clear that he had realized that he wanted to marry me. I think it is hard for guys to really wrap their minds around commitment, especially Catholic guys who (rightly) take marriage so seriously. Also, forging two wayward human hearts together is almost certain to cause some tears, both before and after the wedding. Anyway, the lesson that I learned: on my way to that fateful meeting, I kept praying over and over that God would just let His will be done - I didn’t want any more heartache, only His will, and I truly would have been at peace either way.
This post made me realize that I need to start praying for my daughter’s future (spouse, religious vocation, whatever God’s will) now, in hopes she’ll face fewer tears than I did.
Posted by Katie on Friday, May 14, 2010 9:24 AM (EDT):
Thank you for this post. It’s always nice to read and learn that others had the same experience with love and “good, Catholic boys”. My heart was broken three times by the same guy. Finally God put my TRUE love in front of me and I finally realized how blind and, well, stupid I’d been before. Love is about joy and laughter, not tears and heart-angst. I too now pray for my daughters, that they will be open to God’s will and allow Him to guide them through their future relationships! Peace to all of you!
Posted by Kate Wicker @ Momopoly on Friday, May 14, 2010 9:48 AM (EDT):
Offering up my prayers today for all of the brokenhearted…
Posted by Sparki on Saturday, May 15, 2010 12:53 AM (EDT):
C’mon, don’t slam all musicians. My (Catholic) Prince Charming is a musician. I got hurt by the lawyer and the policeman and other guys who had the “right” job but I would never say that “Lawyers aren’t all they are cracked up to be,” or “Police officers arent’ all they are cracked up to be.
It was the off-beat, hairy, poetic guitarist/singer/songwriter who was the first guy who ever treated me with respect and wanted to wait for sex until marriage. 16 years of marriage, and he’s still the most awesome partner & godly man I know.
Posted by Kate Wicker @ Momopoly on Saturday, May 15, 2010 8:21 AM (EDT):
Nothing personal, Sparki! 
I certainly didn’t mean to offend anyone. I was more making fun of myself because back in my college days I put musicians on this romantic pedestal (like a lot of groupie girls do). You’re right on: The important part is finding a Godly man - musician, lawyer, or otherwise. Blessings.
Once again Kate, a wonderful little tear-jerker for me. You truly have a wonderful way with words!! (I don’t mind crying!!) :D I haven’t been dumped really per say, but I have been deceived and been the dumpER. Still hurts and changes your life. It changed mine in bad ways, then in good. When you started talking about our children, that’s what got me. I want what you want. I want them to always look at God for WHATEVER their needs/wants may be. I want them to feel the love I have felt, and so many others do, even when they suffer. Thanks so much for writing this!!
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