Claire, one of my high school daughter’s closest friends is a seventeen-year-old “only child”.  He is one of the happiest, most well balanced kids I have ever met.  He’s kind to everyone, acts in Shakespeare plays, is on the quiz bowl team, plays music… he is well rounded and interesting, and also playful and happy.  Every time someone makes a rude comment about only children, I wish they could meet this boy.  The reason he’s such a good kid is that he has extremely loving parents.  They treat his friend like their “kids” also.  Once, his dad made cookies for my dd for her birthday.  They hosted a late night “after party” after a school dance for their son’s friends (including my dd), and they are so devoted to their so that I knew they would be doting on all the kids.

How parents treat their kids is the most important factor in what kind of people they grow up to be. There are advantages to ANY family size… including to families with one child! We can only have the advantages of the size we have. Every family is gaining and missing SOME type of advantage.

Very true Angela.  Thanks for the encouragement.

I know several families in this situation.  As hard as it might be sometimes, God gave you the family that it right for you.  Not all only children are lonely or spoiled.  Maybe your child needs the extra attention from you and your husband to fulfill the mission God has in store for him/her.  Many only children are determined individuals who accomplish great things. . .or you may end up the grandmother of 11, like someone else I know

Sarah, that’s exactly what I try to remind myself of:  that God has a reason for limiting my family size, and, like Angela said, there are advantages and disadvantages in any size family.  Thanks to everyone for the encouragement!

LOVE… “you should see the ones I’ve left at home”.. I’m going to use this one!

I definitely agree!

My husband has been using this one as well, he said it stops people in their tracks!

Quietly, seriously, with a smile, take them aside and ask them not to do it. You don’t have to explain a thing.

Beth, I hesitate to make the same generalizations you do but I agree with you and Claire that we ALL need to be conscious of the comments we make to others and remember we don’t know anyone else’s heart.  I have seen a beautiful mother of an only child, who desperately wanted a large family, be brought to tears multiple times by the insensitive comments of those around her even when not directed at her personally.  Oftentimes it is just flip remarks about how much a family can afford because they only have one child, or how they can take vacations so easily, blah, blah, blah.  What they don’t know is she would give all of that up in a heartbeat to raise a whole mess of children and how much it pains her to know what people are thinking.

I am as out of place in my network as the large families are in the rest of society.  Believe me, it has often tempted me to abandon homeschooling.  But because it works best for my kids right now, despite some drawbacks.  Most of the large families I know have never been rude to me just like most small families are not rude to big families.  But there are always some who can’t see outside of their own experience.  Because I come from a large family I have the benefit of seeing things from both perspectives and have had the unfortunate experience of being on the receiving end for being “too many” as well as “not enough” in my life.  I honestly can’t say that one group was less rude than the other.  To me the solution is, as you have said in the past, Claire, to simply keep your eyes on your own paper.

That’s why I don’t comment on the size of anyone’s family.  I didn’t appreciate the comments growing up (and most of the time they weren’t kind) and although I have a larger than average family now, I don’t need anyone’s approval.  I don’t seek it out and I don’t like being the recipient of someone’s observation, because even when I do receive a compliment, it usually comes off as someone feeling sorry for me - “oh you must be a saint” or “I don’t know HOW you do it, you poor thing”.  I figure you just can’t win either way.

I agree, it totally depends on the tone that the comment is delivered with.  It reminds me of some SAHMs who get offended when people tell them that they’re lucky.  It all depends on how it’s delivered.  If it’s said with an air of jealousy, then I can see where it would be perceived as offensive.  But otherwise, I see it as an acknowledgement that it’s a blessing to be able to be home with our kids, and I certainly can’t argue with that.  I work very part-time outside the home, and being able to be mostly at home takes a lot of sacrifice on my part, but I still consider myself lucky, because a few years ago it was impossible for me to be home no matter how many sacrifices I made.