CONNECTED

November/December 2008 Issue | Posted by Rachel Balducci in Features

I was blogging long before Danielle Bean invited me to join her and the other bloggers at this magazine’s FaithandFamilyLIVE.com site.

Four years ago, I sat down at my computer and started a blog. At the time, I had four boys — ages 2, 4, 6, and 8 — and was feeling a bit weary. My point, I decided, would be to take these stories that would otherwise make me cry — like the time they threw underwear from a second-story window into a bucket on the ground below — and figure out how to laugh instead. Once I started to write online, I found that it was very therapeutic — for me and a whole host of other women with boys.

The Vatican repeatedly urges Catholics to evangelize online. One 76-year-old cardinal said he does not fully understand the Internet, but knows it is a new way to show people the “true Jesus.”

At FaithandFamilyLIVE.com and elsewhere, Catholic moms are doing their best to do that. And it’s working.

Computer Conversion

Jennifer Fulwiler of Austin, Texas, is a Catholic who started a blog for the purpose of conversion — her own.

“Originally I was exploring religions,” says Jennifer, who was raised an atheist and was on a quest to learn about Christianity. “I didn’t even know how I’d go about meeting a Christian in real life. I grew up without going to church, and initially I did not feel comfortable setting foot in a church.”

So Fulwiler, who has a background in Web development, started a blog in 2005 in order to ask questions. From online forums she frequented, Jennifer actively recruited commenters she saw as “the Christians doing a good job of defending their religion.”

“That is directly responsible for our conversion to Catholicism,” she says. “I’d throw out every tough question, and the Catholics would answer.”

Jennifer and her husband, Joe, came into the Church at Easter in 2007. While she feels God would have eventually led them there, Jennifer credits the Internet with making that conversion happen sooner.

Since becoming Catholic, the tone and focus of Jennifer’s website have changed. She now uses her blog to talk about her adventures as a new Christian, and as a stay-at-home mom to her three young children.

“I didn’t even believe in God as a child,” she explains. “If you can imagine going from that background to fully believing in God and the Catholic Church — it’s hard to describe the beauty and wonder that God has opened to me. I’ve felt moved by the Holy Spirit to share my experiences. That’s the purpose of the blog now.”

Seeking Support

When Shauna Occhipinti turned to the Internet, she was looking for support on a topic she wasn’t ready to discuss with her close-knit, real-life community. Shauna and her husband, John, were coming to terms with their infertility.

The couple, who have been married 13 years, started trying to conceive just before their third anniversary.

“Six months went by,” said Shauna, “and nothing happened. I started reading everything I could get my hands on. Another six months, and no one had any explanation.”

After a year of not getting pregnant, Shauna and John got serious with their research. They began to investigate and pursue treatments, and quickly realized they didn’t fully know what the Church taught — they never thought they would need to. In the midst of her research, Shauna came across an online support group.

“That group became a great source of support, people trying to be faithful to what the Church teaches and trying to deal with infertility,” she says. “Infertility tends to be something you don’t talk about with everybody.”

After several years of general testing and fertility treatments, meetings with specialists, and the possibility of more advanced procedures, Shauna was exhausted. She had also slowly made peace with the idea of adoption.

“I wanted to be a mother,” she said. “I knew if God placed that desire on my heart, he had a plan for us.”

Eventually, Shauna and John began to pursue adoption. They are now the proud parents of twin boys, Ethan and Connor, 3 1/2. Shauna’s time on the Internet has shifted from infertility forums to adoption forums (where she still checks in with online friends) to a blog she recently began where she writes about infertility, adoption, and parenthood from a Catholic perspective.

Offering Encouragement

­Ruth Anne Adams is a senior litigations specialist in Winston-Salem, N.C. She turns to the Internet for a variety of things, from keeping up with friendships to prayer chains, to finding support in parenting her three young children.

“I’m at a computer all day at work,” says Ruth Anne, “you’d think I’d have an aversion to it. But I use it to break up the monotony.”

Ruth Anne maintains a blog where she has made friendships that have crossed over into the real world. She found the blogging outlet particularly helpful when her father died several years ago.

“I was blogging about my dad’s death,” she says. “It was a catharsis to know I could dump into my computer and then let the world process. And now I can go back and read it all. I tried to do journals, but that never took hold like it did with blogging.”

On her blog, Ruth Anne also wrote extensively about her twin daughters’ premature birth and their time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).

“I notice that a bunch of people come to my blog looking for the NICU stuff,” says Ruth Anne. “There’s a service that does that, just by being there in the archives. It serves as a family history, but it’s also a useful thing for NICU moms. It’s also the best way for parents to keep everyone informed.”

“Blogs are a great salon for like-minded people,” she added. “There are a lot of people who are witty and smart and show kindness to each other.”

Not Perfect

Of course, that’s not always the case.

For all the positive aspects the Internet has to offer — the friendships and support and ability to connect — there are a variety of pitfalls, as well. People can be mean on the Internet; anonymity encourages them to type things they would never dare say to a person’s face. Blogs, in particular, can be tricky because it’s easy for a mom blogger to convey a false image that doesn’t exist; readers need to guard themselves from getting caught up in the facade.

Melissa Scollard is an at-home mom with four young children. She started a blog a few months ago only to delete it soon after.

“I actually cut back on some computer time during Lent,” says Melissa, who felt her Internet time was keeping her from doing other things. While she enjoys reading about the adventures and experiences of other families, she admits that there is a risk.

“I do find many of these blogs inspiring and motivating,” she said. “However, it is easy to become discouraged, too. Some blogs paint a picture-perfect world that I will never be able to obtain. This can be depressing to me at times.”

Alice Cantrell, a mother of five in Abbeville, La., also recognizes the pitfalls and offers the wise example of recognizing her limits.

“I discovered a long time ago that if I wanted to have time for the creative side of life — which is what keeps me sane,” she said, “then things like watching TV or Internet time would have to be minimal.”E

Rachel Balducci clicks and connects with other moms at Testosterhome.net and FaithandFamilyLIVE.com.

Blogging Basics

Want to start your own blog? Here are a few Dos and Don’ts to keep in mind.

Do:

Think about why. Are you starting a blog for support, as a journal, as a lifeline?

Check with your spouse. Make sure he (or she) is on board with you publicly sharing your life.

Have fun! A blog can be a therapeutic way to put frustrations into perspective and meet wonderful people.

Don’t:

Try too hard to be popular. Focus on what you want to offer your readers instead.

Air dirty laundry. Whether it’s about your spouse and kids or your neighbors, it’s poor form.

Lose focus. Never forget that your primary responsibility is your family — not your blog. The Internet comes second (or maybe third, or fourth …)

Internet Definitions

Blog: an online journal, the word “blog” is a shortened version of “Web log”

Forums: discussion boards on the Internet; participants are members of an online community

Support Groups: websites where people can gather and discuss shared interests and seek support for similar situations

“There are a lot of people who are witty and smart and show kindness to each other.”

What’s It Good For?

Real moms share what they value most about computer connections.

“We just recently moved to a new, terribly isolated area. Blogging is the only outlet I have right now. For me, blogging is the closest to community I get.” — Wendy

“Here’s a testament to the connection that can be felt and built with people you will never see — I check several blogs daily that I first stumbled upon more than four years ago.” — Sarah

“I have a special needs child with a rare condition, and I have no one local to talk with about this. My blogger community is a huge source of support for me.” — Teresa

“For me there is a tendency to think the grass is always greener, so I often lament what I gave up when I left a great career. On the Internet, I get inspired to do my best for my family at home.” — Kathy

“The great thing about blogging is that you can visit and chat anytime of the day, without having to find anybody’s shoes or buckle anybody’s car seat first. You can also discuss pretty sensitive topics that, in person, would be too embarrassing with anyone except your closest friends.” — Sara