In Mary’s Footsteps

Spring 2010 Issue | Posted by Diane Calvin in Spirituality

When Renee went to the doctor for a routine ultrasound during an uneventful pregnancy, she was expecting to hear that all was well. Instead, she learned that her unborn son had a deadly condition. The main vessels carrying blood to and from his heart were switched, requiring a risky surgery shortly after birth.

Soon after the frightening diagnosis, Anne Marie McHugh called Renee. Three years prior, Anne Marie’s own son had successfully undergone corrective surgery for the same condition. She offered ongoing support and information to Renee and held her entire family in prayer. The baby was born, and the surgery was a resounding success.

When Herb and Lora Booth welcomed newborn twins to their family, they were thrilled beyond measure … and exhausted from the babies’ colicky crying. Imagine Lora’s surprise when Karen Paci phoned to offer her support. Karen was quite familiar with the demands of a colicky infant; she too had spent hours rocking a son with colic. She offered emotional support and hands-on help. Through her parish, she organized a meal program for the Booths, and the meals became a tangible reminder of their community’s love and support.

“I started crying with gratitude when, out of the window, I saw someone drop a meal off at my front door,” says Lora. “I can’t believe that people can be so nice and thoughtful to a total stranger.”

Making Connections

So how did Lora and Renee connect with such experienced and resourceful moms? Through the Elizabeth Ministry in their parish of St. Catherine of Siena in Horsham, Pa.

I established this chapter after hearing about this international outreach and the one-on-one support it provides to women as they face challenges associated with the childbearing years. The Elizabeth Ministry support system is grounded in prayer and a profound respect for life. We celebrate births. We support those suffering with infertility. We mourn miscarriages and deaths. We encourage those in the process of adopting. We assist families with illness.

While the focus of the Elizabeth Ministry is indeed “maternal mentoring,” other branches naturally sprout up: playgroups, ongoing meal programs, and email prayer groups.

A Blessed Blend

As coordinator of our parish Elizabeth Ministry for the past 11 years, I never grow tired of cradling sweet-smelling infants while visiting with mom and dad. But grace-filled moments can also be found in the sorrowful encounters.

When Billy was born in 2000, he announced his arrival with a robust cry. Just a day later, he lay in the ICU — gravely and inexplicably ill. Seven years have passed, and he remains severely impaired. Through it all, his parents Bill and Sharon Watkins have been the most loving and attentive of parents, caring for their son at home. Our Elizabeth Ministry supports parents like these, too — with visits, meals, cards of support, and periodic financial assistance to help pay for high electric bills associated
with Billy’s care. In another case, when 3-year-old Lauren, born with a fatal genetic condition, took a major turn
for the worse a few years ago, I arrived in the pediatric ward just as her parents, Steve and Georgiann Duggan, drove home to tuck their two other children into bed.

It was just Lauren, me, the occasional nurse checking in, and the Holy Spirit. Holding her tiny hand, I prayed through my tears, staying until Steve and Georgiann returned to their daughter’s bedside. The next morning I learned that Lauren had gone home to God. “It meant the world to us that you were with Lauren last night,” said Georgiann.

It meant the world to me that I was given such privileged time with Lauren.

Despite such traumatic circumstances, each of these families was blessed with another baby, both healthy children, within a few years. And our Elizabeth Ministry was there to welcome these little ones into the world and into the parish community. What a gift to share in both the darkest and most joyous of moments!

A Powerful Witness

Elizabeth Ministry helps women of all faiths, not just Catholics. This can sometimes prove to be a powerful witness to our sisters of other faiths.

Jenny, a financially strapped young woman expecting her first child, received some gently used baby gear and clothing from us. She later sent a note:

“Sometimes you wonder just how you’re going to make it, and then a morning like this comes along. Every little bit helps. Bless you.”

We also helped Julie, a mother of two who recently separated from her abusive husband. She later wrote: “I just want you to know how much your kindness and friendship have meant to me during these difficult months … you have renewed my faith in humanity. I still shake my head in wonder. You are truly women of God, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for you.”

These two women are both non-Catholics who have been touched by the generosity that Catholic women have extended to them.

Not for Women Only

You wouldn’t expect to find the names Greg, Steve, and Dennis connected with Elizabeth Ministry, but it does happen! Greg Hober offered to reassemble a swing set for a family that was moving, and Dennis Morris drops off home-cooked meals to families in need. As for Steve Doan, well, he lent his plumbing services “gratis” to a lively family of 10 whose toilet was mysteriously clogged. Imagine his surprise as he fished out an 8-inch-long serving spoon.

Without a doubt, Elizabeth Ministry has the potential to engage people throughout the parish community. The elderly serve as prayer partners. Children in the parish school or religious education programs make cards for babies celebrating the first anniversary of their baptism. At Christmas, our youth group makes cash donations to families in a tight spot.

Dialogue among the parish organizations really can multiply the results! Elizabeth Ministry builds bridges of understanding, communication, and compassion. It is a powerful vehicle for living out the Gospel values and witnessing to our faith.

One surprised mom was touched by our parish’s Elizabeth Ministry. “I never knew the Catholic Church did these kinds of things!” she told me.

Well, we can, and we do!

— Diane Calvin, a mother of four, writes
from Horsham, Pennsylvania.

Intensive Care, Grandparent Style

As a young mother, I prayed for twins. Who would have guessed that, in time, my prayer would be answered with multiple multiples for grandchildren! Between the years of 2001 and 2007 my three grown children blessed us with a total of 11 grandchildren, seven of whom are twins or triplets.

At a time when some parents contend with adult children moving back in with them, we found ourselves moving in with our children temporarily, to help out after their babies were born. We fast became experts in hands-on, in-house grandparenting.

Here are some guidelines we would recommend to grandparents or others who might step in to help soon after a child is born:

Stick to basics. Devote most of your time to support basic household maintenance — meals, laundry, scrubbing the tub — freeing the parents to make baby

care their primary task.

Go with the flow. Draw from your previous parenting experience, but allow each family’s parenting style to guide your behavior.

Don’t be bossy. Make suggestions tactfully, but graciously accept the fact that they may not be taken.

Bow out sometimes. Give the family time to be alone together by going to bed early (you may need it), sitting in another room, or leaving the house on occasion.

Take a break. When possible, share your job with other grandparents, friends, and relatives so you can have some down time. Even hiring someone to do some

general housecleaning once every other week will feel revitalizing.

Respect their space. Ask for permission before rearranging or making household changes.

Look out for Mom. Protect the mother’s need for rest or privacy by offering to sit with guests who overstay their welcome.

Be trustworthy. Agree to a policy of confidentiality to assure the family that their private issues will not be discussed elsewhere.

Remain positive. Avoid comparing babies and families; if people ask you to compare, talk about the strengths of each.

Read the signs. When your time of being needed dwindles, step back graciously, but be alert for the next call to help.

— Janet Colbrunn is a licensed
professional counselor and author of

Ideas for Writing Creative Christmas Letters

That People Are Actually Eager to Read!

Find her online at

WritingCreativeChristmasLetters.com

The Elizabeth Ministry Prayer

Creator God, I pledge to truly celebrate the gift of each child conceived and born, and to fully mourn each miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, infant or child death. I will be a strong witness to my belief in the dignity and worth of all life, by treasuring the gift of fertility, by supporting those suffering infertility, by encouraging those in the adoption process, and by assisting the families experiencing an infant or child crisis or special need. I will be a strong and consistent voice for life in my home, my church, my community.

Amen.

How to Begin an Elizabeth Ministry

The original Elizabeth Ministry chapter was founded in 1991 in Appleton, Wis., by Jeannie Hannemann. This ministry, named for and modeled after the care Mary showed to her pregnant cousin Elizabeth at the visitation, has since grown to hundreds of chapters nationwide. You can find out how to start a chapter in your parish online at ElizabethMinistry.com or call (920) 766-9380.

The startup costs for establishing a chapter of Elizabeth Ministry are nominal; the ministry can grow slowly and comfortably, and it can be tailored to meet the specific needs of the parishioners. One of my favorite aspects of Elizabeth Ministry is that once the ministry is up and rolling, recruitment is often self-perpetuating. Many of our Elizabeth Ministers are former beneficiaries of the program.

Karen Paci says, “I am so grateful for the Elizabeth Ministry because it enables me to serve my parish community. Being able to use my own difficult experience of motherhood to assist others is an answer to my prayers. I want to help others who are struggling by listening, comforting, and, most importantly, praying with and for them.”

— Diane Calvin

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